““Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” ”
Accepting What Is
Acceptance.
Mindfulness can help us learn to accept what is - to accept our life experience as it unfolds. As Eckhart Tolle likes to say, we must accept the "isness" of our lives. When we are mindful, we begin to observe whatever we are experiencing - our physical body, our thoughts, and our emotions - and simply notice our experience as it is happening. We notice our bodies: tightness, tension, openness. We notice our thoughts: "Why did I do that?" "I can't do this." Or, "I'm never going to get his all done." And, we notice our emotions: fear, sadness, joy.
One myth of mindfulness is that it eliminates all the bad stuff and leaves us to simply relish in the pleasant, joyful moments of life. Mindfulness does not eliminate difficult emotions. Instead, we become more skilled at self-awareness and better at understanding our experience without judging it or becoming overwhelmed by it. We learn to be with whatever is there and feel it fully - the pleasant, the unpleasant and the neutral. Rather than trying to get rid of it, fix it, or figure it out, we learn to sit with it, see it for what it is and accept it fully.
In this process, we begin to recognize that some things are simply out of our control, like other people's actions, illness or even our own feelings that can arise in response to those things. But by sitting with our experience, by observing what is there, and acknowledging it, we can begin to accept it as it is. We can be with our sadness, our frustration, our anger or our feeling of powerlessness, and simply recognize that those are all OK to feel and they are justified simply because we are feeling them. No judgment, just observation. Acceptance does NOT mean that we have to agree with the situation or that we have to like it, it simply means that we accept that it is happening.
While mindfulness helps us recognize that many things are outside of our control, it also helps us learn that there are many things within our control. We can begin to exercise our power to choose how we want to view our situation, we can choose how we want to respond to it and we can choose which actions we want to take to move forward in a healthy and meaningful way.
Mindfulness strategies we can use when faced with challenging situations:
(1) Focusing on A Pleasant or Neutral Present Moment Experience.
Sometimes accepting your current situation can be incredibly difficult, particularly when you are facing great challenges. Often that difficulty brings up strong emotions like fear or anger. When we are feeling overwhelmed and having difficulty sitting with strong emotions, it can be very helpful to direct our focus and attention to something neutral or pleasant. This is when our mindfulness practice gives us the insight to know that we are struggling or feeling overwhelmed, and the ability to place our attention on something more positive while our minds and bodies settle down.
Simple mindfulness practices like placing your attention on your breath, mindfully drinking your coffee, listening to the sounds around you or going outside and enjoying the full sensory experience of being in nature, can help you get out of your thinking mind and into your sensory world of experience. This can be at the very least a neutral experience and at best a quite pleasant one. Taking time out to take a few, deep, mindful breaths can also help activate your Rest and Digest response and turn off your Stress response. Practicing mindfulness in this way can help you relax, settle your mind, and add some pleasant, more joyful moments to your day. I love this poem that beautifully expresses how we can move mindfully through our day . . .
Walk Slowly (Danna Faulds) It only takes a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection. The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and I remember again that life isn't a relay race; that we will all cross the finish line; that waking up to life is what we were born for. As many times as I forget, catch myself charging forward without even knowing where I'm going, that many times I can make the choice to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk slowly into the mystery.
(2) Accepting What Is.
This may be much easier said than done, but it is the key to lowering our suffering. In Buddhist teachings, suffering is caused by our struggle against what is. Life can be painful, but our true suffering comes from our struggle against what we cannot change. We don't have to like it, we don't have to agree with it, we just have to accept that it is happening. This shift in mindset can help us move forward and take the necessary steps to cultivate a healthy approach to how we can move on in a healthy and productive way.
When you are feeling ready, you can simply sit with whatever you are feeling and allow yourself to feel it fully. Invite it into your meditation, as we say. You can simply label it - anger, sadness, disappointment, etc. Notice how it feels in your body. And, simply notice how that feeling may change by simply observing it and accepting it as it is. Soften into it. One of my mindfulness teachers likes to point out that the word emotion has the word "motion" in it for a reason, and that is because emotions will move through us if we allow them to.
(3) Self-Compassion.
One critical part of all mindfulness practice is self-compassion. It is OK to feel anger, it is OK to have trouble accepting what is. Be aware and be careful not to add on a layer of self-judgment and self-criticism to what you are experiencing. By using your mindfulness practice to simply see what you are experiencing, to feel it fully, to acknowledge it and to accept it, you can begin to move forward. This self-compassion is a critical part of your self-care. Remember, we are not trying to eliminate, suppress or "correct" our emotional response, we are simply trying to recognize what we are feeling and accept it fully. We are human and our feelings are real and justified simply because they are there. In doing this, we can allow our emotions to move through us so we can move on.
(4) Acceptance and Mindful Parenting.
Acceptance is critical in mindful parenting. Too often we try to correct our children or tell them why what they are feeling is not valid or why they should not feel that way. For example, we may catch ourselves saying, "One day you will realize how silly this is." Instead, we need to listen fully and attentively, offering them our open, nonjudgmental attention. We must turn off our mental running commentary and hear what they are saying. Try not to interrupt. Just listen. Be aware of your own thoughts and judgments and how those may be interfering with your ability to simply listen and absorb. Accept what they are feeling simply because they are feeling it. Finally, we need to validate what they are feeling and let them know that we hear them. For example, we can simply say, "Wow, that must have been very hurtful." Simply listening without judging or trying to solve a problem, accepting fully what your child is feeling and validating those feelings can create an open and meaningful channel of communication. It fosters deep connection and a safe space for them to feel heard and understood. It also allows them a healthy roadmap to process their own feelings.
Weekly Wisdom #62
Joy on Demand
Weekly Wisdom #61
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”- Viktor Frankl
Mindfulness and the Value of Being in the Present Moment
I recently read Ruth Whippman's New York Times Sunday Review Opinion entitled, Actually, Let's Not Be in the Moment. Her thoughts inspired me to think deeply about the value of mindfulness and being in the present moment. Together with some mindfulness teachers around the country, we have been sharing our thoughts in response to this article, which I wanted to share with all of you.
I understand Ms. Whippman's frustrations about mindfulness, but I am afraid that she has misunderstood the practice of mindfulness itself. The danger in the modern teaching of mindfulness is that many are looking at it as a "quick fix" to our problems and a short-cut to happiness without fully understanding what it actually is and how to practice it.
I have seen firsthand over the past seven years the benefits of mindfulness being taught in schools, in inner city youth programs, in hospitals, in prisons and in private classes. My fear is that many people who would benefit greatly from mindfulness will read this article and never try this incredibly helpful practice.
My colleague, Julie Bayer Salzman, sent the following response to the New York Times, which I think sums up so many important points.
A letter from a wonderful colleague to the New York Times . . .
After reading Ms. Whippman’s account of her experience with Mindfulness, I encourage her to continue her practice, not abandon it. Her frustration is normal, and I believe stems from a common misconception about Mindfulness. Mindfulness is not about "constantly policing our thoughts away from the past, the future, the imagination or the abstract"; it is simply about being aware of what we're thinking, how we're feeling, or what is happening in and around us, at any given moment. There is no judgment in the practice; there is only awareness. Nor is there shame in a wandering mind – we all have them! But most of us, too, can probably identify with the distress that comes from a mind that is constantly preoccupied with either the past or future, and cannot focus on the present. There is a practical benefit to training the mind to stay present, and a reason it’s referred to as a “practice” as opposed to a philosophy.
Her statement that "we give inner-city schoolchildren mindfulness classes rather than engage with education equality" disregards the proof that teaching kids mindfulness has positive effects on not just the individual child, but the classroom as a whole. Obviously there are issues that need to be fixed in an educational system that tries to find quick and easy solutions to deep, systemic problems, but that has nothing to do with the relevance of Mindfulness in the 21st century classroom.
Overall, though I understand her tone is intentionally witty and sarcastic, I am disheartened to know that this “opinion” is going to be read by millions of Times readers and add to the various misinterpretations of the practice that already exist. The essence of Mindfulness has been diluted and distorted, leading people to believe it is something it is not. It is not about “not thinking”, or being calm, or even finding happiness. Though a degree of happiness (perhaps “contentment” is a better word) and present-moment awareness are by-products of the practice, they are not the goal of the practice itself. Actually, there is no goal. It is in the "doing" that "being" arises.
At the end of her piece, Ms. Whippman writes: "rather than expending our energy struggling to stay in the Moment, we should simply be grateful that our brains allow us to be elsewhere." That's the one statement where I am in agreement with her, precisely because of my practice - for gratitude is at the core of the work (yes, even being grateful for a wandering mind!). The “struggle” need only exist for as long as one chooses.
It takes time for Mindfulness to take root, and the guidance of people/organizations who really know what they’re doing. I hope she does not give up.
The danger in choosing Ms. Whippman's course of avoiding our reality by constantly escaping into a dream of some possible future happiness is that we can live our whole lives doing this only to realize one day that that brighter future has happened and we missed out on ever materialized, and we have actually missed so much of our lives by refusing to be awake and present for it.
- Julie Bayer Salzman
Mindful Tips for the Holiday Season
School Stress: 3 Mindful Practices for Calm, Focused and Happy Teens
Stress among teens is reaching epidemic proportions. This excessive, prolonged stress affects their bodies and their brains. Researchers at the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University found that when toxic stress is triggered continually over a period of time it can have a cumulative toll on an individual’s physical and mental health — for a lifetime. As the mother of two teenagers and one pre-teen, and as a mindfulness teacher working with teens, I see every day the tremendous stress our teenagers experience in their young lives. I often ask the teens I work with to make a list of what stresses them out. Homework, school and college admissions are always at the top of the list. Now, they have added a new stressor to their list – their cellphones— as they are admitting that their compulsion to check their devices, and the added pressure that comes with that constant connectivity, is distracting and anxiety provoking.
This overload of schoolwork, the pressure to succeed in an extremely competitive culture and their constant connectivity leaves our teenagers with no time or ability to disconnect from their peers, to relax and unwind or to connect with their families.
As a result, we are seeing record levels of anxiety, depression, insomnia, attention disorders and even suicide among our teens. Studies also show that teens are turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs and alcohol, to tune out or avoid the discomfort of their anxiety. There is a critical need for parents and children to learn skills that will not only help them cope with this stress, but will also help them thrive. I am thrilled to be partnering with Partnership for Drug-Free Kids to help parents and teens learn healthy ways to cope with stress. To read more on Mindful Practices for Calm, Focused and Happy Teens, click here.
Weekly Wisdom #60
“Sending lovingkindness to a difficult person is a process of relaxing the heart and freeing yourself from fear and corrosive resentment – a profound, challenging, and liberating process . . .” - Sharon Salzberg
My Mindful Way Through this Election
As I awoke Wednesday morning to the election results, I found myself feeling shock, disbelief and uncertainty about our country’s future. After a presidential election fueled by ugly rhetoric, fear and divisiveness, our country is hurting and people are feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to cope with their intense feelings. As I do everyday, I turn to my mindfulness practice as a source of comfort and strength during this extremely challenging time. Here are some mindful ways through the aftershocks of this election. Impermanence. Mindfulness helps us recognize the impermanence of our experiences. Our breath comes and goes, our emotions ebb and flow, political movements rise and fall, and presidencies start and end. Recognizing the impermanence of life’s experiences helps us endure the discomfort of unpleasant feelings and the challenges of difficult times by recognizing that this too shall pass. Remind yourself of this often, and remember that we all have the capacity and inner strength to carry on.
Letting Go. Mindfulness also helps us cope with the relentless torrent of thoughts and emotions that continue to overwhelm us. Our emotions are being triggered by two different thoughts right now. First, how did this happen? Second, what will happen next? Obsessive rumination about the past triggers anger, resentment and regret. Uncertainty about the future triggers fear. We must recognize that we cannot change the past or control the future. No matter how much we think about it, that won’t change. Instead these thoughts will only keep us stuck in unpleasant emotions. Know yourself and understand what is triggering you. It may be time to turn off the TV for a while, spend some time in nature, and enjoy thinking about something else. Know what is causing you to feel fear, frustration and anxiety, and simply allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. Let it come and let it go.
Try this . . .
A short mindfulness practice to let go of strong emotions:
In the moment of strong negative emotions, the best way to let go is to allow your emotions to pass through you. Try this mindfulness practice to let go:
- Feel it. Recognize what you are feeling and allow yourself to simply feel it, recognizing how your feelings are felt in your body - - tightness, tension, stomach upset. Just feel it. All feelings are welcome and part of our human experience. All feelings come and go.
- Notice your thoughts. Notice what thoughts are fueling your emotions. Feelings are like a small fire and our thoughts are the kerosene that fuel the flames. Our thoughts stoke our fears and keep our emotional fire burning. By noticing our thoughts and recognizing that our ruminations are not serving us, we can begin to create space between our thoughts and our emotional response to those thoughts.
- Let it go. Once we allow ourselves to recognize our thoughts and our feelings, we can simply accept them as they are, and we can begin to let them move through us. Then, we can begin to let them go, so that we can move forward in a healthy and productive way.
- Be Present. To help us in letting go, try focusing on what is actually happening right now. You may be sitting comfortably reading this. And, you are OK. Notice this. When we focus on the present moment, and what is happening right now, we can begin to appreciate that we are fine. The only moment that we will ever have is this one. So, get out of your head and into your life as it unfolds. There are many treasures there waiting to be noticed. Be awake and be present for them, and learn to appreciate the “OKness” of right now.
Acceptance. This is a hard one, I admit, but it is the key to minimizing our suffering and acceptance allows us to move forward. We must accept what is. When we struggle against what is, we cause ourselves tremendous suffering. We don’t have to like it, but we do have to accept it. We also have to accept the fact that we simply do not know what will be. These are uncertain times, and uncertainty breeds fear. The only thing that is certain is that we have absolutely no idea what will happen next. If we linger in our dire predictions of the future, which are based on nothing but conjecture, we continue to live in fear. We need to fully accept what is and the uncertainty of what will be, which will allow us to move on.
Feeling into Action. Fear is a normal part of our human experience. It alerts us to danger and is an essential part of our ability to survive. However, fear can be incredibly harmful when it prohibits us from acting and leaves us unable to respond in a rational, compassionate and wise way. That is why we must be able to calm our emotions, accept what is, and use those feelings to motivate us into wise action.
Mindfulness helps us recognize when we are coming from a place of fear, and allows us the choice of turning to compassion and openheartedness instead. The practice helps us to recognize that we all are human and that we are all more alike than we are different. If we focus on our differences, we remain divided. If we focus on our similarities, we can begin to heal the wounds of division, hatred and “otherness.”
Compassion meditation practice offers us the opportunity to recognize that we are all part of something much larger than ourselves and that we are all inextricably connected to one another. So, we must use our energy to better understand each other, with a sense of interest and curiosity, instead of criticism and judgment. At the end of the day, everyone wants to be happy. By opening our hearts even to those that cause us pain, we can create a new perspective from which we view each other. As Sharon Salzberg explains in her book Real Happiness, “Sending lovingkindness to a difficult person is a process of relaxing the heart and freeing yourself from fear and corrosive resentment – a profound, challenging, and liberating process . . .”
Find the Silver Lining. In every moment of every day, we have a choice of how we want to view the world. By choosing to focus on the good in others, instead of the bad, we begin to see ourselves in others and to see others in ourselves, no longer harboring the “us” versus “them” mindset.
I am writing this blog from Ohio. I am well aware that I am surrounded by many people who have vastly different political views than I do. Over the past few days, I have had meaningful conversations with them about their families and their lives. I have heard about their troubles and their concerns. I have heard that they feel completely abandoned by our political system, and by our politicians. Some are single-issue voters who voted based on their deeply held religious views on abortion. I have learned that each person has their own unique story and their own distinct perspective. Despite our differences, everyone wants our country to prosper and everyone wants a better life for themselves, their children and their grandchildren.
This election presents an opportunity for a better future and this is our silver lining. We have a choice. We can fall into the abyss of hatred, fear and anger, and let it paralyze us. Or, we can take this opportunity to look deeply into the hearts and minds of our fellow citizens, hear them and learn from them, so that we can take wise and compassionate action to make real change for a better future for everyone.
As I awoke Wednesday morning to the election results, I found myself feeling shock, disbelief and uncertainty about our country’s future. After a presidential election fueled by ugly rhetoric, fear and divisiveness, our country is hurting and people are feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to cope with their intense feelings. As I do every day, I turn to my mindfulness practice as a source of comfort and strength during this extremely challenging time. Here are some mindful ways through the aftershocks of this election.
Impermanence. Mindfulness helps us recognize the impermanence of our experiences. Our breath comes and goes, our emotions ebb and flow, political movements rise and fall, and presidencies start and end. Recognizing the impermanence of life’s experiences helps us endure the discomfort of unpleasant feelings and the challenges of difficult times by recognizing that this too shall pass. Remind yourself of this often, and remember that we all have the capacity and inner strength to carry on.
Letting Go. Mindfulness also helps us cope with the relentless torrent of thoughts and emotions that continue to overwhelm us. Our emotions are being triggered by two different thoughts right now. First, how did this happen? Second, what will happen next? Obsessive rumination about what already happened triggers anger and sadness. Uncertainty about the future triggers fear. We must recognize that we cannot change the past or control the future. No matter how much we think about it, that won’t change. Instead, these thoughts will only keep us stuck in unpleasant emotions. Know yourself and understand what is triggering you. It may be time to turn off the TV for a while and enjoy thinking about something else. Know what is causing you to feel fear, frustration, and anxiety, and simply allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling but then let it go so you can move forward.
Acceptance. This is a hard one, I admit, but it is the key to minimizing our suffering and acceptance allows us to move forward. We must accept what is. When we struggle against what is, we cause ourselves tremendous suffering. We don’t have to like it, but we do have to accept it. We also have to accept the fact that we simply do not know what will be. These are uncertain times, and uncertainty breeds fear. The only thing that is certain is that we have absolutely no idea what will happen next. If we linger in our dire predictions of the future, which are based on nothing but conjecture, we continue to live in fear. We need to fully accept what is and the uncertainty of what will be, which will allow us to move on.
Feeling into Action. Fear is a normal part of our human experience. It alerts us to danger and is an essential part of our ability to survive. However, fear can be incredibly harmful when it prohibits us from acting and leaves us unable to respond in a rational, compassionate and wise way. That is why we must be able to calm our emotions, accept what is, and use those feelings to motivate us into wise action.
Mindfulness helps us recognize when we are coming from a place of fear and allows us the choice of turning to compassion and openheartedness instead. The practice helps us to recognize that we all are human and that we are all more alike than we are different. If we focus on our differences, we remain divided. If we focus on our similarities, we can begin to heal the wounds of division, hatred and “otherness.” At the end of the day, everyone wants to be happy. By opening our hearts even to those that cause us pain, we can create a new perspective from which we view each other people. As Sharon Salzberg explains in her book Real Happiness, “Sending lovingkindness to a difficult person is a process of relaxing the heart and freeing yourself from fear and corrosive resentment – a profound, challenging, and liberating process . . .”
This type of compassion meditation practice also offers us the opportunity to recognize that we are all part of something much larger than ourselves and that we are all inextricably connected to one another. So, we must use our energy to better understand each other, with a sense of interest and curiosity, instead of criticism and judgment. We must look at what is best for our country and harness our energy in this moment in history to take action to move this country forward.
Find the Silver Lining. In every moment of every day, we have a choice of how we want to view the world. By choosing to focus on the good in others, instead of the bad, we begin to see ourselves in others and to see others in ourselves, no longer harboring the “us” versus “them” mindset.
I am writing this blog from Ohio. I am well aware that I am surrounded by many people who have vastly different political views than I do. Over the past few days, I have had meaningful conversations with them about their families and their lives. I have heard about their troubles and their concerns. I have heard that they feel completely abandoned by our political system, and by our politicians. Some are single-issue voters who voted based on their deeply held religious views on abortion. I have learned that each person has their own unique story and their own distinct perspective. Despite our differences, everyone wants our country to prosper and everyone wants a better life for themselves, their children and their grandchildren.
This election presents an opportunity for a better future and this is our silver lining. We have a choice. We can fall into the abyss of hatred, fear, and anger, and let it paralyze us. Or, we can take this opportunity to look deeply into the hearts and minds of our fellow citizens, listen to them and learn from them, so that we can come together and make real change for a better future for everyone.
Weekly Wisdom #59
“The stream of thinking has enormous momentum that can easily drag you along with it. Every thought pretends that it matters so much. The human mind, in its desire to know, understand, and control, mistakes its opinions and viewpoints for the truth. It says: this is how it is. You have to be larger than thought to realize that however you interpret "your life" or someone else's life or behavior, however you judge any situation, it is no more than a viewpoint, one of many possible perspectives. It is no more than a bundle of thoughts. But reality is one unified whole, in which all things are interwoven, where nothing exists in and by itself.” - Eckhart Tolle
Growing Happiness
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." - Winnie the Pooh
The new science of "Happiness" is proving that we can grow our own happiness. By taking just a few minutes each day to focus on the good, we can cultivate positive feelings. Just like practicing the violin or hitting the tennis ball, with repetition and practice we can get better at focusing on the good in our lives, which by its very nature, allows less time to focus on the bad. Here are a few simple ways to grow your own happiness:
(1) Pay attention to simple pleasures. Drinking a cup of tea, walking your dog or hugging a child can be incredibly joyful experiences if you take the time to notice how good they actually feel. Take time out every day to slow down and place your full attention on something that feels good. It takes less time than going to the gym or preparing a healthy meal, yet it will greatly increase your overall feeling of wellbeing.
(2) Watch the sunset. Study after study shows that immersing yourself in nature will increase your happiness. Breathe in fresh air, look at the majestic, old trees around you or watch the magical colors in the sky. Just a few minutes each day spent outside, appreciating the beauty and the awe of nature will greatly increase your daily dose of happiness.
(3) Focus on those you love. If you spend a few minutes each day thinking about someone you love, you can actually feel love. As you hold that person in your attention and send them love and well wishes, you can begin to notice how that feels -- and it feels good. Then, simply allow yourself to feel a bit of gratitude for having that person in your life.
(4) Send yourself love. Often, we are our harshest critic, and sending ourselves love can be challenging. Try spending a little time each day to self-reflect on what you did well, and not what you did wrong or didn't do at all. Try looking in the mirror and notice what you like, rather than what you don't like. Remind yourself each day that you are doing your best, and that is good enough. Simply notice how good it feels to send a little love your own way. Remember, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
Each day is a brand new day full of opportunities to learn, to experience the world and to connect with yourself and with the world around you. Take a little time to grow and nurture your own happiness and see how that joy will grow and will spread to those around you.
Weekly Wisdom #58
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." - Winnie the Pooh
Weekly Wisdom #57
“The best way out is always through.”
- Robert Frost
On we go!
Tips for Transitioning Back to School
Say Hello to stress. As the school season begins, many parents find themselves scrambling to get back to their fall routines. Cheryl Brause, a mindfulness and meditation instructor, mom of three and owner of 2bpresent in Larchmont, offers the following tips to ease into your September .
- Organize! Much of our stress comes from worrying about not being prepared; take those thoughts out of your mind by getting ready early.
- Get some Z's . Go to bed at the same time each night and take all electronics out of the bedroom. A regular routine that helps you unwind, relax your body and your mind is critical to your health and well-being, allowing you to get the rest you need.
- Unplug. Ever had a computer that's on the fritz? Thinking there's a major problem, you call a computer specialist and ask what to do. Rather than get a whole new computer, they tell you to unplug it and let it rest. Amazingly, this little reboot, resolves all your computer’s problems. Just like our computers, our brains need to rest and reboot. Enjoy simple pleasures like taking a walk, a bike ride or playing with a pet (without your phone in hand). Research shows that unplugging just a few minutes each day can help lower stress and increase you daily does of happiness.
- Stop negative thoughts. When you find yourself being self-critical, stop that negative thought train in its tracks by taking a nice deep breath. Repeat to yourself that you are good enough, you are perfect exactly as you are and you have the strength to conquer any challenges that lie ahead.
- Breathe. Nothing is healthier than learning to connect to your breath. When you're feeling stressed about the upcoming school year, take a slow, deep inhale, feel the air in your body and clear your mind of any stressful thoughts by focusing your attention on how it feels to simply breathe. Remind yourself that you are here and you are fine.
This article appeared in the Mamaroneck Daily Voice, written by Jeanne Muchnick
On We Go! Mindfulness at University of Pennsylvania School of Law, Lakeland School District, Rye Neck, Mamaroneck School District and more!
We are thrilled to be teaching mindfulness in and around the New York Area. Here are a few of the places where 2bpresent will be teaching mindfulness this Fall . . .
August 31, 2016 – Lakeland School District Mindfulness Training 
– Cheryl will be leading a half-day mindfulness training for the Superintendents and Administrators of Lakeland School District This interactive workshop will give educators an introduction to mindfulness, the science behind it and how mindfulness is being used in schools and in classrooms to help children and teachers strengthen intra and inter personal skills, foster better coping mechanisms and offer students life-long tools to promote their health and wellness. We will also discuss disticit-wide initiatives and programming for developing mindful programs district-wide.
September 2, 2016 – Rye Neck High School Mindfulness Teacher Training. Cheryl is pleased to be working with teachers, parents, students and administrators at Rye Neck Schools to develop a ditrict-wide initiative to bring mindfulness to the Rye Neck Schools. We begin this year with a in-depth teacher training before the start of the school year. Cheryl is thrilled to be working with dedicated teachers, staff, parents and students throughout the school year to bring mindfulness programs and initiatives that will help promote healthy habits of the mind, which include lowering stress and anxiety, sharpening focus and attention, and improving overall health and wellbeing.
October 27, 2016 - University of Pennsylvania Law School - Cheryl is excited to be teaching a class at the University of Pennsylvania School of Law with Family Mediation, LLP entitled Mindfulness and Mediation. In all situations, but particularly helpful when working in conflict resolution, we can learn to become more aware of our own inner experiences and learn how to use our inner world to benefit our clients and create a more constructive process. In this interactive class for law students, we will learn and experience tools of self-awareness and self-reflection, which can help us pay attention to our own emotions, thoughts and judgments. Skillfully working with both our internal and external worlds, we can learn to best navigate each situation, be fully present with our clients and help parties determine their best course of action.
Keep Calm & Carry On at Mamaroneck High School. Cheryl is looking forward to continuing her work this year conducting workshops and grade-wide assemblies for high school students in the 2016-2017 school year. As teens are facing greater demands on their time and attention than ever before, they have very little time to take a much-needed "brain break" during their busy week and simply breathe. Cheryl is thrilled to be back at MHS leading classes and workshops to teach mindfulness tools to help teens lower their levels of stress, increase their focus and attention, and improve their overall health and wellbeing so they can thrive.
June 6, 2016 – Family & Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New
York – Cheryl will be the guest speaker at the FDMC Continuing Education Series and presenting a workshop on mindfulness as a powerful tool in both our personal and professional lives to relieve stress, focus attention, and be more compassionate to ourselves and to others. We will also discuss the benefits of mindfulness when working in dispute resolution.
Starting May 11thh - Keep Calm & Carry On! - Mamaroneck High School Lunchtime Mindfulness Series. Teens are facing greater demands on their time and attention than ever before. They have very little time to take a much-needed "brain break" during their busy week and simply breathe. Cheryl is thrilled to be back at MHS leading a free lunchtime workshop for any teen wanting to find a little time in their day to simply breathe and learn mindfulness tools to help them lower their levels of stress, increase their focus and attention, and add a little joy to their day.
May 23, 2016 – Ardsley High School. Cheryl is pleased to be the guest
speaker at Ardsley High
school where she will present an interactive workshop for parents and students on The Benefits of Mindfulness: How Parents and Teens can Use Mindfulness to Cope with Stress.
April 21, 2016 – Lakeland School District Superintendent’s Conference Day – Cheryl and her colleagues will be conducting mindfulness teacher trainings for 200 teachers from grades K-12. These interactive half-day workshops will give teachers an introduction to mindfulness, personal practice in mindfulness, as well as an overview of the science behind these practices and how mindfulness is being used in schools and in classrooms to help children thrive.
April 4, 2016 – Rye Neck High School. Cheryl is pleased to be the guest speaker at Rye Neck High school where she will present an interactive workshop for parents on The Benefits of Mindfulness: How Parents can Use Mindfulness to Help Their Teens Cope with Stress. Mindfulness: The word is everywhere, but what does it actually mean? What are the benefits of Mindfulness? How can we use Mindfulness to lessen anxiety, lower stress, sharpen our focus and attention and improve our overall health? How can we use Mindfulness as parents to help our children thrive? In this interactive presentation, we will explore the growing body of scientific evidence from the fields of mindfulness, neuroscience and positive psychology that show how mindfulness can help increase our focus and attention, lower our levels of stress and anxiety, and create more opportunities to add happiness to our days. Cheryl will also share practical tools for parents on how to use mindfulness to help our teens relax, navigate the stresses of school and social pressures, as well as cultivate a greater sense of happiness, inner resilience and optimism.
March 2, 2016 – Hillside Elementary School, Hastings-on-Hudson, New York. Cheryl will be speaking to the teachers and staff about the Benefits of Mindfulness in Education and How to Incorporate Mindfulness into the Elementary School Day.
MEDIATION
MEDITATION
January – April 2016 – Cheryl will continue this series leading workshops on Meditation for Mediators, in which we explore ways to lower our levels of stress, focus our concentration and be more compassionate to ourselves and to others through mindfulness meditation practices. We learn how mindfulness can be a powerful tool in both our personal and professional lives. This is a continuation of series in which we explore the benefits of mindfulness meditation for mediators and those working with dispute resolution.
January – May 2016 – Murray Avenue School – Cheryl conducts full-day Mindfulness Curriculum Teacher Training workshops once a month to work with teachers on mindfulness curricula and best practices to integrate mindfulness into their school days. Cheryl also presented a workshop for the Teacher Aides on Mindfulness in the Classroom.
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To learn more about 2bpresent's programs, contact us at info@2bpresent.com
Weekly Wisdom #56
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."- Blaise Pascal
Weekly Wisdom #55
"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering." - Winne the Pooh
What are all those thoughts in my head??
When I asked a group of children recently what they thought mindfulness meant, one young girl replied, “It means that our minds are full.” I then asked, “What are your minds full of?” She replied, “Thoughts. Lots of thoughts. I always have thoughts running around my head.” The other children in the class agreed. Intrigued, I asked, “What are the thoughts you have running around in your head?” One by one they answered. “Worries. I am always worrying,” said one boy as others nodded their heads in agreement. “I am always thinking about all the homework I have and about how I am going to get it all done,” said a wide-eyed girl with a look of frustration on her face. “Me too!” said her neighbor on the carpet. What occupies your mind?
When we take a good look at what occupies our minds, we start to notice that much of what we are thinking about is not actually happening right now. Most of our mental gymnastics involve thoughts about what has already happened or thoughts (and worries) about what might happen. Studies have shown that we spend at least fifty percent of our time thinking about things that are not actually happening at all, and most of those thoughts are unpleasant. In addition, we often tell ourselves stories about what is happening that simply are not true.
An example . . . we text a friend and she does not respond. While waiting for her response, we begin to worry. She always answers quickly, we think. Why hasn't she responded? Is she OK? Should I call a friend to check on her? Was there something I did to offend her? Is she mad at me? What could I have possibly done? Then, we plan what we will say when she finally does call. We spend time and energy creating stories in our minds, and creating nervousness and anxiety that we can feel in our bodies. Finally, a response. She is fine. Her phone had died.
Despite the children's confusion between “mind fullness” and “mindfulness,” the word mindfulness really means awareness. The goal of mindfulness is not to get rid of thoughts. We are human and humans have thoughts. In fact, many thoughts can be quite helpful, necessary and pleasant. We need to plan, to create, to organize. The evolution of our ability to think has helped us evolve and adapt to our environment and to survive. However, the evolution of our thoughts may have evolved to a point of becoming unhelpful and even detrimental to our wellbeing.
Can our thoughts actually make us sick?
The beauty of mindfulness is that it helps us become aware of our thoughts and begin to recognize our thoughts for what they are - just thoughts. Without this awareness, we consider our thoughts to be facts, they become our reality. We even identify personally with our thoughts and think we are our thoughts. We often get so caught up in our thoughts, overwhelmed by them, believing them to be true, that we suffer the physiological consequences often caused by our thoughts, chronic stress and anxiety, and all of the serious, negative effects stress has on our bodies, which can literally make us sick. The amazing thing to realize is that thoughts are not real and the stress that often accompanies them is unnecessary.
Thoughts are just thoughts. You don't have to believe them.
Mindfulness helps us create a space between our thoughts and ourselves. We can begin to see our thoughts for what they are – just thoughts – not who we are and not what is actually happening. This awareness helps us to stop putting ourselves through an imaginary obstacle course in our minds. We can begin to quiet the noise in our heads, no longer feeling overwhelmed by all those thoughts.
Many who begin to practice mindfulness meditation try to silence their thoughts and quickly realize that this is a futile exercise. Thoughts just arise. The more we try to stop them, the more frustrated we get. Instead, in mindfulness practices we learn to simply observe our thoughts as they come and go, and not allow our thoughts to take over.
Our thoughts are just a lens through which we see the world. They are the product of our life experiences. We can begin to understand that we don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are. Once we recognize this, we are free from the power our thoughts have over us. We can observe our thoughts and better understand which thoughts are helpful and which thoughts do not serve any useful purpose. Only then can we truly free ourselves from our thoughts. We simply learn to observe them.
Listen to your thoughts, but don't take them so seriously.
It is incredibly liberating and freeing to recognize that in every moment of every day we have a choice. We can choose how we wish to see the world. By taking a step back and simply observing what is going on in our minds, we can begin to detach from the grip of our thoughts. We can see our thoughts, but we no longer have to believe them. Then, we become more aware of what is actually happening, as it is happening, and be more present for it.
Try this at home: Mindfulness of Thoughts
Take a few minutes during your day and begin to notice your thoughts. Here is how:
- Ask yourself, "What am I thinking about?"
- Once you begin to notice your thoughts, try labeling them: planning, worrying, organizing, day dreaming, judging, etc.
- Then, ask yourself, "Is this actually happening right now?" Begin to notice throughout your day when you are fully present with what is actually happening and when your mind takes you somewhere else. The first step in raising your awareness and becoming more present is to begin noticing your mental habits. Notice when your mind drifts off in thought, taking you into the past or the future.
- Don't judge yourself or label your thoughts as good or bad. Instead, just be curious and more self-aware.
