These are stressful times for everyone. More time at home with your family may seem like a great thing, but it can also mean more fighting, raw nerves, and increased stress for the whole family. Balancing work and home life in close quarters also creates many challenges for parents and kids. Here are tips on how to manage your household stress as we navigate this unprecedented situation.
(1) Manage Your Own Anxiety
Children look to their parents for cues about how nervous or relaxed they should be. Knowingly or unknowingly, parents fears, and anxiety are passed on to their children and often put their children on edge.Modeling a level-headed response and finding ways to stay calm is the best way to keep anxiety from getting the better of you and your children as we all find our way through this new and uncertain challenge.
Take care of yourself by making time every day to de-stress. Choose a quiet spot in your home to unwind, turn off the news, go outside for a walk, call a friend, or meditate. Know what brings you calm and be sure to make time each day to nurture your own wellbeing and lower your anxiety. Anxiety is contagious and so is calm. By managing your own levels of stress, you are helping to spread calm throughout your home.
(2) Normalize Anxiety
It is important to know that feelings of fear, stress, and anxiety are normal right now. Instead of trying to ignore them, become aware of them. Validate and normalize those feelings. Talk about them with your kids. Listen to and validate your children’s feelings while reassuring them that you are doing everything you can to keep them safe. Studies have shown that avoiding or burying negative feelings only makes them stronger. Using a mindful approach, you can befriend these feelings by noticing negative emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations as they come up, observe them with curiosity, describe them without judgment, take a nice deep breath, and then let them move through you. You can do this with your kids and show them how.
(3) Focus on the Facts
The reality is that at the moment, severe health risk from coronavirus is low for most Americans. Although much of our fear stems from a feeling of uncertainty and a lack of control, there is a lot you can do to lower your risk even further. Explain this to your children and talk about how taking these steps not only keeps them safer but these steps are also acts of kindness to others as they will reduce the risk of spreading the risk to others as well. You can : (1) frequently wash your hands, (2) keep your hands away from your face, (3) avoid anyone who might be coughing or sneezing, (4) practice social distancing by staying away from gatherings, and (5) protect your immune system by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and finding ways to relax.
(4) Take It One Day at a Time
Much of our stress and anxiety comes from our evolutionary tendency to anticipate danger. We need to be aware of the dangers we face and take precautions to protect ourselves from those dangers. However, anxiety comes from overestimating the danger and thinking of that danger as an immediate threat instead of realizing that it is just one of many possible outcomes, and often not a very likely one. Mindfulness training helps you refocus your attention away from the “what ifs” and helps you bring your attention back into the present moment. Remembering to be where you are is the best way to prevent your mind from traveling into thoughts about the future. You can do this by using your senses and purposefully bringing your attention repeatedly into right now. Play games with your children to help keep them focus on the present moment. Go outside and point out what is there - the beautiful trees, the blue sky, etc. Be sure to practice this yourself. When you are sipping your coffee, just sip your coffee. When you are walking, know how it feels to take a walk. When you are showering, bring your mind into the shower with you and enjoy the experience. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time and simply remember to be where you are and help your family be there too.
(5) We Are Doing the Best We Can
People are feeling scared, anxious and exhausted these days. As a result, people may be short-tempered and on edge. It is so helpful to remind yourself that we are all doing the best that we can under very difficult circumstances. Take an extra pause and deep breath before speaking and after someone has just responded in an unusually unkind or emotional way. Extra patience, kindness, and compassion with one another will go a long way. Here’s one good way to do just that:
Stop when you are feeling triggered.
Take a deep breath.
Observe how you are feeling.
Proceed in a way that best serves you and those around you.
(6) Look for the “ANDs”
It is incredibly important to stay positive and invite in joy every day, especially during challenging times. It is so helpful for you and your family to find more moments of gratitude, laughter, and pleasure by looking for the “ANDs” all around you. You can open your attention a bit wider to the breadth of experience right now, rather than focusing on and feeling overwhelmed by your challenges. The “ANDs” are the good, the pleasant, the beautiful things that are all around you EVEN in challenging time. You can help your children do this too by noticing and verbalizing the “ANDs.” For example, I am feeling nervous with all these changes AND I love having more time with my family. I miss eating at my favorite local restaurant AND I am so grateful for this food in the fridge. It’s hard to be away from my friends AND I love using technology to stay connected. Joy and laughter help relax us, ground us and help us stay healthy. So, be sure to nurture yourself and your family by pausing and taking in all of the “ANDs.”
Wishing you all much peace, good health and laughter as we make our way through this! ❤️
