My Mindful Way Through this Election

As I awoke Wednesday morning to the election results, I found myself feeling shock, disbelief and uncertainty about our country’s future. After a presidential election fueled by ugly rhetoric, fear and divisiveness, our country is hurting and people are feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to cope with their intense feelings. As I do everyday, I turn to my mindfulness practice as a source of comfort and strength during this extremely challenging time. Here are some mindful ways through the aftershocks of this election. Impermanence. Mindfulness helps us recognize the impermanence of our experiences. Our breath comes and goes, our emotions ebb and flow, political movements rise and fall, and presidencies start and end. Recognizing the impermanence of life’s experiences helps us endure the discomfort of unpleasant feelings and the challenges of difficult times by recognizing that this too shall pass. Remind yourself of this often, and remember that we all have the capacity and inner strength to carry on.

Letting Go. Mindfulness also helps us cope with the relentless torrent of thoughts and emotions that continue to overwhelm us. Our emotions are being triggered by two different thoughts right now. First, how did this happen? Second, what will happen next? Obsessive rumination about the past triggers anger, resentment and regret. Uncertainty about the future triggers fear. We must recognize that we cannot change the past or control the future. No matter how much we think about it, that won’t change. Instead these thoughts will only keep us stuck in unpleasant emotions. Know yourself and understand what is triggering you. It may be time to turn off the TV for a while, spend some time in nature, and enjoy thinking about something else. Know what is causing you to feel fear, frustration and anxiety, and simply allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. Let it come and let it go.

Try this . . .

A short mindfulness practice to let go of strong emotions:

In the moment of strong negative emotions, the best way to let go is to allow your emotions to pass through you. Try this mindfulness practice to let go:

1. Feel it. Recognize what you are feeling and allow yourself to simply feel it, recognizing how your feelings are felt in your body - - tightness, tension, stomach upset. Just feel it. All feelings are welcome and part of our human experience. All feelings come and go.
2. Notice your thoughts. Notice what thoughts are fueling your emotions. Feelings are like a small fire and our thoughts are the kerosene that fuel the flames. Our thoughts stoke our fears and keep our emotional fire burning. By noticing our thoughts and recognizing that our ruminations are not serving us, we can begin to create space between our thoughts and our emotional response to those thoughts.
3. Let it go. Once we allow ourselves to recognize our thoughts and our feelings, we can simply accept them as they are, and we can begin to let them move through us.  Then, we can begin to let them go, so that we can move forward in a healthy and productive way.
4. Be Present. To help us in letting go, try focusing on what is actually happening right now. You may be sitting comfortably reading this. And, you are OK. Notice this. When we focus on the present moment, and what is happening right now, we can begin to appreciate that we are fine. The only moment that we will ever have is this one. So, get out of your head and into your life as it unfolds. There are many treasures there waiting to be noticed. Be awake and be present for them, and learn to appreciate the “OKness” of right now.

Acceptance. This is a hard one, I admit, but it is the key to minimizing our suffering and acceptance allows us to move forward. We must accept what is. When we struggle against what is, we cause ourselves tremendous suffering. We don’t have to like it, but we do have to accept it. We also have to accept the fact that we simply do not know what will be. These are uncertain times, and uncertainty breeds fear. The only thing that is certain is that we have absolutely no idea what will happen next. If we linger in our dire predictions of the future, which are based on nothing but conjecture, we continue to live in fear. We need to fully accept what is and the uncertainty of what will be, which will allow us to move on.

Feeling into Action. Fear is a normal part of our human experience. It alerts us to danger and is an essential part of our ability to survive. However, fear can be incredibly harmful when it prohibits us from acting and leaves us unable to respond in a rational, compassionate and wise way. That is why we must be able to calm our emotions, accept what is, and use those feelings to motivate us into wise action.

Mindfulness helps us recognize when we are coming from a place of fear, and allows us the choice of turning to compassion and openheartedness instead. The practice helps us to recognize that we all are human and that we are all more alike than we are different. If we focus on our differences, we remain divided. If we focus on our similarities, we can begin to heal the wounds of division, hatred and “otherness.”

Compassion meditation practice offers us the opportunity to recognize that we are all part of something much larger than ourselves and that we are all inextricably connected to one another. So, we must use our energy to better understand each other, with a sense of interest and curiosity, instead of criticism and judgment. At the end of the day, everyone wants to be happy. By opening our hearts even to those that cause us pain, we can create a new perspective from which we view each other. As Sharon Salzberg explains in her book Real Happiness, “Sending lovingkindness to a difficult person is a process of relaxing the heart and freeing yourself from fear and corrosive resentment – a profound, challenging, and liberating process . . .”

Find the Silver Lining. In every moment of every day, we have a choice of how we want to view the world. By choosing to focus on the good in others, instead of the bad, we begin to see ourselves in others and to see others in ourselves, no longer harboring the “us” versus “them” mindset.

I am writing this blog from Ohio. I am well aware that I am surrounded by many people who have vastly different political views than I do. Over the past few days, I have had meaningful conversations with them about their families and their lives. I have heard about their troubles and their concerns. I have heard that they feel completely abandoned by our political system, and by our politicians. Some are single-issue voters who voted based on their deeply held religious views on abortion. I have learned that each person has their own unique story and their own distinct perspective. Despite our differences, everyone wants our country to prosper and everyone wants a better life for themselves, their children and their grandchildren.

This election presents an opportunity for a better future and this is our silver lining. We have a choice. We can fall into the abyss of hatred, fear and anger, and let it paralyze us. Or, we can take this opportunity to look deeply into the hearts and minds of our fellow citizens, hear them and learn from them, so that we can take wise and compassionate action to make real change for a better future for everyone.

As I awoke Wednesday morning to the election results, I found myself feeling shock, disbelief and uncertainty about our country’s future. After a presidential election fueled by ugly rhetoric, fear and divisiveness, our country is hurting and people are feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to cope with their intense feelings. As I do every day, I turn to my mindfulness practice as a source of comfort and strength during this extremely challenging time. Here are some mindful ways through the aftershocks of this election.

Impermanence. Mindfulness helps us recognize the impermanence of our experiences. Our breath comes and goes, our emotions ebb and flow, political movements rise and fall, and presidencies start and end. Recognizing the impermanence of life’s experiences helps us endure the discomfort of unpleasant feelings and the challenges of difficult times by recognizing that this too shall pass. Remind yourself of this often, and remember that we all have the capacity and inner strength to carry on.

Letting Go. Mindfulness also helps us cope with the relentless torrent of thoughts and emotions that continue to overwhelm us. Our emotions are being triggered by two different thoughts right now. First, how did this happen? Second, what will happen next? Obsessive rumination about what already happened triggers anger and sadness. Uncertainty about the future triggers fear. We must recognize that we cannot change the past or control the future. No matter how much we think about it, that won’t change. Instead, these thoughts will only keep us stuck in unpleasant emotions. Know yourself and understand what is triggering you. It may be time to turn off the TV for a while and enjoy thinking about something else. Know what is causing you to feel fear, frustration, and anxiety, and simply allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling but then let it go so you can move forward.

Acceptance. This is a hard one, I admit, but it is the key to minimizing our suffering and acceptance allows us to move forward. We must accept what is. When we struggle against what is, we cause ourselves tremendous suffering. We don’t have to like it, but we do have to accept it. We also have to accept the fact that we simply do not know what will be. These are uncertain times, and uncertainty breeds fear. The only thing that is certain is that we have absolutely no idea what will happen next. If we linger in our dire predictions of the future, which are based on nothing but conjecture, we continue to live in fear. We need to fully accept what is and the uncertainty of what will be, which will allow us to move on.

Feeling into Action. Fear is a normal part of our human experience. It alerts us to danger and is an essential part of our ability to survive. However, fear can be incredibly harmful when it prohibits us from acting and leaves us unable to respond in a rational, compassionate and wise way. That is why we must be able to calm our emotions, accept what is, and use those feelings to motivate us into wise action.

Mindfulness helps us recognize when we are coming from a place of fear and allows us the choice of turning to compassion and openheartedness instead. The practice helps us to recognize that we all are human and that we are all more alike than we are different. If we focus on our differences, we remain divided. If we focus on our similarities, we can begin to heal the wounds of division, hatred and “otherness.” At the end of the day, everyone wants to be happy. By opening our hearts even to those that cause us pain, we can create a new perspective from which we view each other people. As Sharon Salzberg explains in her book Real Happiness, “Sending lovingkindness to a difficult person is a process of relaxing the heart and freeing yourself from fear and corrosive resentment – a profound, challenging, and liberating process . . .”

This type of compassion meditation practice also offers us the opportunity to recognize that we are all part of something much larger than ourselves and that we are all inextricably connected to one another. So, we must use our energy to better understand each other, with a sense of interest and curiosity, instead of criticism and judgment. We must look at what is best for our country  and harness our energy in this moment in history to take action to move this country forward.

Find the Silver Lining. In every moment of every day, we have a choice of how we want to view the world. By choosing to focus on the good in others, instead of the bad, we begin to see ourselves in others and to see others in ourselves, no longer harboring the “us” versus “them” mindset.

I am writing this blog from Ohio. I am well aware that I am surrounded by many people who have vastly different political views than I do. Over the past few days, I have had meaningful conversations with them about their families and their lives. I have heard about their troubles and their concerns. I have heard that they feel completely abandoned by our political system, and by our politicians. Some are single-issue voters who voted based on their deeply held religious views on abortion. I have learned that each person has their own unique story and their own distinct perspective. Despite our differences, everyone wants our country to prosper and everyone wants a better life for themselves, their children and their grandchildren.

This election presents an opportunity for a better future and this is our silver lining. We have a choice. We can fall into the abyss of hatred, fear, and anger, and let it paralyze us. Or, we can take this opportunity to look deeply into the hearts and minds of our fellow citizens, listen to them and learn from them, so that we can come together and make real change for a better future for everyone.

What are all those thoughts in my head??

When I asked a group of children recently what they thought mindfulness meant, one young girl replied, “It means that our minds are full.” I then asked, “What are your minds full of?” She replied, “Thoughts. Lots of thoughts. I always have thoughts running around my head.” The other children in the class agreed. Intrigued, I asked, “What are the thoughts you have running around in your head?” One by one they answered. “Worries. I am always worrying,” said one boy as others nodded their heads in agreement. “I am always thinking about all the homework I have and about how I am going to get it all done,” said a wide-eyed girl with a look of frustration on her face. “Me too!” said her neighbor on the carpet. What occupies your mind?

When we take a good look at what occupies our minds, we start to notice that much of what we are thinking about  is not actually happening right now. Most of our mental gymnastics involve thoughts about what has already happened or thoughts (and worries) about what might happen. Studies have shown that we spend at least fifty percent of our time thinking about things that are not actually happening at all, and most of those thoughts are unpleasant. In addition, we often tell ourselves stories about what is happening that simply are not true.

An example . . . we text a friend and she does not respond.  While waiting for her response, we begin to worry.  She always answers quickly, we think.  Why hasn't she responded?  Is she OK?   Should I call a friend to check on her? Was there something I did to offend her?  Is she mad at me?  What could I have possibly done?  Then, we plan what we will say when she finally does call.  We spend time and energy creating stories in our minds, and creating nervousness and anxiety that we can feel in our bodies.  Finally, a response.  She is fine.  Her phone had died.

Despite the children's confusion between “mind fullness” and “mindfulness,” the word mindfulness really means awareness. The goal of mindfulness is not to get rid of thoughts. We are human and humans have thoughts. In fact, many thoughts can be quite helpful, necessary and pleasant.  We need to plan, to create, to organize.  The evolution of our ability to think has helped us evolve and adapt to our environment and to survive.  However, the evolution of our thoughts may have evolved to a point of becoming unhelpful and even detrimental to our wellbeing.

Can our thoughts actually make us sick?

The beauty of mindfulness is that it helps us become aware of our thoughts and begin to recognize our thoughts for what they are - just thoughts.   Without this awareness, we consider our thoughts to be facts, they become our reality. We even identify personally with our thoughts and think we are our thoughts.   We often get so caught up in our thoughts, overwhelmed by them, believing them to be true, that we suffer the physiological consequences often caused by our thoughts, chronic stress and anxiety, and all of the serious, negative effects stress has on our bodies, which can literally make us sick.  The amazing thing to realize is that thoughts are not real and the stress that often accompanies them is unnecessary.

Thoughts are just thoughts.  You don't have to believe them.

Mindfulness helps us create a space between our thoughts and ourselves. We can begin to see our thoughts for what they are – just thoughts – not who we are and not what is actually happening. This awareness helps us to stop putting ourselves through an imaginary obstacle course in our minds.  We can begin to quiet the noise in our heads, no longer feeling overwhelmed by all those thoughts.

Many who begin to practice mindfulness meditation try to silence their thoughts and quickly realize that this is a futile exercise. Thoughts just arise. The more we try to stop them, the more frustrated we get. Instead, in mindfulness practices we learn to simply observe our thoughts as they come and go, and not allow our thoughts to take over.

Our thoughts are just a lens through which we see the world.   They are the product of our life experiences. We can begin to understand that we don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are. Once we recognize this, we are free from the power our thoughts have over us.  We can observe our thoughts and better understand which thoughts are helpful and which thoughts do not serve any useful purpose.  Only then can we truly free ourselves from our thoughts.  We simply learn to observe them.

Listen to your thoughts, but don't take them so seriously.

It is incredibly liberating and freeing to recognize that in every moment of every day we have a choice. We can choose how we wish to see the world. By taking a step back and simply observing what is going on in our minds, we can begin to detach from the grip of our thoughts. We can see our thoughts, but we no longer have to believe them.   Then, we become more aware of what is actually happening, as it is happening, and be more present for it.

Try this at home:  Mindfulness of Thoughts

Take a few minutes during your day and begin to notice your thoughts.  Here is how:

1. Ask yourself, "What am I thinking about?"
2. Once you begin to notice your thoughts, try labeling them: planning, worrying, organizing, day dreaming, judging, etc.
3. Then, ask yourself, "Is this actually happening right now?"  Begin to notice throughout your day when you are fully present with what is actually happening and when your mind takes you somewhere else.  The first step in raising your awareness and becoming more present is to begin noticing your mental habits.  Notice when your mind drifts off in thought, taking you into the past or the future.
4. Don't judge yourself or label your thoughts as good or bad.  Instead, just be curious and more self-aware.

A Wonderful Life - In Loving Memory of an Incredible Woman

We recently lost a very beautiful woman, my grandmother, Florence Katz.  She lived a long, full life and recently passed away after 100 years of truly living life to the fullest.  She was the most loving, generous and kindest person I have ever met.  At her memorial service, my brother David beautifully summed up our thoughts about a truly incredible woman that I wanted to share below.  We were fortunate to be with her during her final days.  She truly embodied the meaning of being present, being kind, being optimistic even when facing great hardships, and living life to its fullest.  (After this was posted, a beautiful tribute to my grandmother was published in the Herald Tribune, see More Than 52 Million Minutes, and She Made Them All Count)

My Grandma.  How does one summarize the life and meaning of a person.  One does not.  I can only give you a feeling, a glimpse into the life of Florence Katz by telling you what she has meant to me and my family.  I have written several speeches throughout the years.  Some speeches were challenging, others were not so hard. With a subject as beautiful and colorful as Grandma Katz, this one pretty much writes itself.

The last few days of her life were heartbreaking. But as so much was in her life, there was beauty everywhere, every minute. She was so frail, so tiny.  She could hardly breath.  We saw her like this so many times before.  She always seemed to defy the odds and bounce back.  We could not help imagining her bouncing back again.  She seemed to realize that this was the end before we could.  Without her contacts or glasses, she recognized everyone around her. With every stroke of her hand, with every kiss on her cheek, she simply said "thank you".  She told us how much she loved us and how proud she was of us.  She would be our glowing, proud grandmother with every last breath she had. She said her goodbyes, she told us to remember how wonderful her husband was.    When she was somewhere between life and death, she called out to him, to her son, Nathan, and to her mother.  It was somehow a relief to believe she would soon be with them.  She held our hands, seeming to comfort us as much as we were trying to comfort her.  She heard Karen's piano playing from the other room and a smile formed on her face.  "Beautiful", she said.  She was at peace, surrounded by family, listening to music just as she wanted and just as she deserved.

You all might know the famous line from Elton John's song "Like A Candle in the Wind."  Her flame seemed so delicate and easily blown out with a gentle breeze.   Well, anyone who knows Florence Katz knows she was more like a blow torch in a hurricane. Nothing was going to blow out her flame. And we all know that she came close too many times to count. I think that after she lost her sight and her ability to go out with friends and family, she was ready to leave, and, as usual, on her own terms.  She was going to leave this world from the peaceful quiet of her sunroom surrounded by family while listening to her granddaughter playing the piano from the other room. 

We were privileged to be able to laugh with grandma even as she was fading from us in her sun room at the Sarasota Bay Club.  We told her we loved her.  She told us to take her piano.  We told her how special she was.  She ask who is going to take the piano. We told her we would miss her.  She made us promise again that someone would take her piano. We laughed. Through our tears, we laughed and grandma smiled. She knew that in life, no matter how great the sorrow, there was always room for laughter.  

Look around and you will see the great joy and love she brought to the world.  She touched everyone she knew in deep and profound ways.  People look for the meaning of life as soon as they can ask the question. People climb to the peaks of mountains, meet with the Buddhist monks in the east.  We read, we pray, we fast.  If you have looked into the eyes of Florence Katz and spent any amount of time with her, you have learned the meaning of life: To live, to love, to laugh, to cry, to play music, to listen with your eyes closed, to conduct an entire orchestra.  Or, to teach your great grandchild to create art in your kitchen, one tiny shell at a time.  She taught us the meaning of life whether we knew it or not. 

As my sisters and I grew bigger, my dear grandma seemed to be shrinking.  No matter how small grandma got, she still seemed larger than life.  No matter how softly she spoke, her words were loud and clear.  How could someone so small carry so much weight. How could someone so tiny bear so much pain. How could someone so petite leave such big footprints.  We have learned and loved so much from you.  "Take care of each other."  "Family comes first."  "Always live each day as if it were your last."

           - David Vigder, December 30, 2015

Top 10 Tips for a Happy 2016

(1) Be Present.    Be Exactly Where You Are.  We spend much of our time with our minds somewhere else.  Recognize when you are ruminating about the past or worrying about the future.  Anchor yourself in the now.  You can do this by simply focusing on your breath for a few minutes or on your body. You may start to realize that where you are is exactly where you should be, which is actually a very pleasant and peaceful place to be!

(2)  Accept the Uncertainty of Life.   Much of our stress and anxiety comes from trying to control our lives and our future.  However, we cannot change the often unpredictable path that our lives take.  The only thing we can do is accept it fully and recognize that no matter how hard we try to control it, life just happens.  Once we accept the uncertainty of life, we can start to get unstuck from the "if only ‘s" or the waiting game or the endless attempts to micromanage what we cannot control.   Instead of fighting against what is, or wishing things were different, or making our happiness dependent upon someone or something, we can lean into what is, learn from it, accept it, embrace it and venture onward.

(3)  Believe in Yourself.  The number one stumbling block we face is self-doubt and a lack of confidence in our own abilities.  Everyone has a wealth of inner strengths, but we must first recognize them in ourselves before we can share them with others. Take a little time at the start of this New Year and simply recognize that you already have all that you will ever need to succeed, you just have to believe it.

(4) Be Kind to Yourself.  You as much as anyone else, deserve your own kindness.  Embrace and love your perfectly imperfect self.

(5) Be Kind to Others.   We never really know what is going on in other people’s lives.  The best we can do is give others the benefit of the doubt and offer them kindness.  
We are all doing the best that we can.  One quote that I think of often is, “Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.” Or, as the Dalai Lama says, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”

(6) Take Care of Yourself.   Your health and wellbeing is most important. Don’t put yourself at the end of a long list of people to take care of and of  things to do. If you don’t take care of yourself,  you cannot take care of others.  So, always put your own oxygen mask on first, and then you will be all set to help others with theirs.

(7) Breathe Deeply.   Nothing works better to relax your mind and your body, and ground you in the present moment, than a long, slow, deep breath.  Think about the fact that your body’s natural instinct when you are overwhelmed or stressed is to sigh. That happens for a reason. It helps you slow down your body and your mind so you can reset and move forward with a greater sense of calm and thoughtfulness. When feeling stressed or anxious, try taking a deep inhale through your nose for 5 counts, then sigh deeply and slowly, loudly exhaling for a count of 8.  Repeat this for three minutes and notice both your body and your mind slowing down and relaxing.

(8) Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously.   Sometimes we get so caught up in what we are doing, or in the decisions we are making, that we lose perspective of how unimportant what we are currently dealing with actually is in the broader scheme of life. We get so buried in the minutia of daily life, that it helps to take a giant step back and look at the bigger picture, evaluate what is really important and what our goals actually are.  Another favorite quote, "Don't take yourself  too seriously.  No one else does."

(9) Let Go.   Get rid of that excess baggage. Regret, anger, resentment, the “if only’s” of life, or the “I will be happy when. . .,“ these are heavy and exhausting to carry around.     Start your New Year out a lot lighter and let those go. Forgive yourself, forgive others, live in the now, accept what is, and you will greatly lighten your load in 2016.

(10) Laugh Often!   Nothing quite compares to getting caught in deep, uncontrollable laughter, the kind where you try to stop laughing but you just can't, the kind that emanates from deep in your belly then takes over your entire body and finally seeps out through streams of tears gently moistening your face.  They say that laughter is the best medicine, and this is true in fact.  Researchers have proven that laughter can lower stress, improve blood flow and keep your heart healthy.  So, try to find more opportunities to laugh in 2016.  That's a prescription for happiness in the year to come.

Introducing - 2bp TV!

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Check Out 2bp’s New YouTube Channel

We are thrilled to announce our new YouTube Channel!  In the coming months, we will continue to add new video shorts explaining the science of mindfulness, the “How To’s” of integrating mindfulness into your life, more on mindfulness for children, and lots of new guided meditations and instructional videos to help you lower stress, improve your focus and concentration, overcome test anxiety, get a better night’s sleep, prepare for that big game, create more meaningful family time, and so much more!  Be sure to sign on to our newsletter to get updates on what’s new and subscribe to 2bp TV.

Sowing Seeds of Happiness

Did you know that today is not only the first day of Spring (hard to believe for those of us awaiting another snow storm), March 20th is also International Day of Happiness?!  So, whether the snow is falling or the sun is shining, try to sow these Six Seeds of Happiness into your day today! 1. Spread Kindness & Compassion -  Look for ways to recognize other’s accomplishments, needs and difficulties.  Find small, simple acts of empathy and kindness that may lighten their load.  Remember, they have loads too!  Open a door, smile and say thank you, show your appreciation, lend a helping hand.  Kindness is contagious.  Your acts of kindness will not only warm the hearts of those around you, they will warm your heart too.

2. It's not always about being right.  As Anne Lamott says, "It's better to be kind than to be right."  Try letting go of the need to be right (even if you are) and simply be kind to that person with whom you have a disagreement.  Sometimes kindness is the best way to resolve a conflict and spread some happiness.

3. Be Present - Our stress and anxiety almost always come from thoughts of regret, anger or sadness about something that has already happened, or rumination about something that might happen in the future.  These thoughts are rarely about things that are actually happening now.  So, let those thoughts go and focus on what is happening in this moment, and find joy in where you are and who you are with right now.

4. Reach Out and Touch - In the immortal words of Diana Ross, "Reach out and touch somebody's hand and make this world a better place, if you can.  Take a little time out of your busy day to show a little love to someone who may have lost their way."  (You can click on the link above and sing along with Diana Ross like I have been doing all morning -- apologies to my children.)  Enjoy a nice long hug with your child, spouse, parent or friend and simply share a moment of togetherness.  Call that friend or relative that you have been meaning to call.   Human connection, as positive psychologists will tell you, is one of the key components of happiness.

5. Count Your Blessings -  Gratitude is the best way to turn a frown upside-down.  We all have so much to be grateful for, but we lose sight of those things when our lives get busy.  So, take a moment to think of five things you are grateful for - a roof over your head, food in your belly, someone who loves you, clean laundry, or even your breath.  Whatever it is, big or small, notice it, appreciate it and let gratitude bring a smile to your face.

6. Sing, Dance, Play!  Close the blinds, crank up the music and dance, sing and let loose!  Life can be stressful and we all need time to have some fun.  Choose something that makes you smile and make time to do it.  You deserve it!

How Meditation Can Change Your Brain

Over the last ten years, researchers and scientists have been uncovering the physiological benefits of meditation on the brain and the body, benefits that practitioners have understood for thousands of years and western scientists are now proving.  This research quantifies and scientifically demonstrates the amazing benefits of meditation practices that can improve our overall health and well-being. A new Harvard study using MRIs shows that meditation literally builds the brain's gray matter.  In this study, researchers found that daily mindfulness practices resulted in a major increase in gray matter density in the hippocampus, the part of the brain associated with self-awareness, compassion, and introspection, and those same practices decreased gray-matter density in the amygdala, which is known to play an important role in anxiety and stress.  In the November 2014 issue of Scientific American, entitled The Neuroscience of Meditation - How it Changes the Brain, Boosting Focus and Easing Stress,  researchers also found that experienced meditators had a greater volume of brain tissue in their prefrontal cortex and insula, which both play a role in executive functioning and decision making, as well as processing attention, sensory information and internal bodily sensations.

Not only does meditation affect the brain, it may also play a crucial role in our overall health.   Researchers from Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, MD sifted through nearly 19,000 meditation studies, and found that mindfulness meditation can help ease psychological stresses like anxiety, depression, and pain.  (Click here for more information on this study)   In addition, scientists have found evidence that meditation and its positive psychological effects boost immunity, and reduce inflammation and other signs of stress in the body, even those occurring on a molecular level.  A recent study at UCLA - Davis looked at the effect meditation practices have in the body on a molecular level.  The enzyme telomerase is associated with the long-term health of cells in the body.  Telomeres are sequences of DNA at the end of chromosomes that tend to get shorter every time a cell divides. When telomeres drop below a critical length, the cell can no longer divide properly and eventually dies.  One of the central mechanisms responsible for the aging of cells is the shortening of telomeres. The enzyme, telomerase, can rebuild and lengthen telomeres.   Researchers found that experienced meditators, those showing the least physiological signs of stress on the body,  also had higher "telomerase" activity, suggesting that mindfulness meditation training might actually slow down the process of cellular aging and improve our overall health on a cellular level.

This research is welcome and fascinating, and we love to learn about the science and share it with you.  We look forward to more research to come, but for those who practice mindfulness meditation, we don't need to be convinced, we already feel the great benefits of these ancient contemplative practices.

In Pursuit of Silence

Have you ever noticed how noisy life can be?  Movie theaters play films so loudly it produces heart pounding reactions, literally.  We walk outside with headphones playing music or conversation in our ears,  our car radios create a constant hum of background noise for each drive, and our televisions, computers, text messages and phones beep and chime creating piercing reminders of all that we have to do.   Even when we manage to escape to a quiet place, the noise inside our head -- spinning thoughts, to do lists, nagging fears, and a vast array of emotions -- is often just as loud as the noise in the world around us.  We try to quiet that noise, but it is challenging.   Instead, we distract ourselves with other sounds in attempt to find some peace and "quiet." Silence can be magical.  Learning to sit in silence can open the door to creativity, wonder and a deep sense of peace.  Sitting in silence allows us to  connect to our inner wisdom, strength and resilience.   Once we recognize and access these incredible resources, we can call upon them when needed.   Welcoming in silence, is the real challenge in our very noisy world.

We recently learned of director Patrick Shen, an award winning documentary film maker, and his new film,  IN PURSUIT OF SILENCE.  In this new documentary, Patrick is exploring our relationship with sound and the implications of living in a noisy world.  I recently had the opportunity to speak with the associate producer of the film about the extraordinary exploration of silence in this fascinating new film.   2bpresent is excited to be partnering with the creative team to contribute to the completion of this important film.    You can view the trailer below and support the film and their kick start campaign at http://support.pursuitofsilence.com.

(For more information on this film, here is the link to the Huffington Post article: http://huff.to/1tgDMKP)

Not Everyone Will Like You

Wonderful thoughts from the  the Daily Om . . .

Not Everyone Will Like You.

It is not necessarily a pleasant experience, but there will be times in our lives when we come across people who do not like us. As we know, like attracts like, so usually when they don’t like us it is because they are not like us. Rather than taking it personally, we can let them be who they are, accepting that each of us is allowed to have different perspectives and opinions. When we give others that freedom, we claim it for ourselves as well, releasing ourselves from the need for their approval so we can devote our energy toward more rewarding pursuits.

While approval from others is a nice feeling, when we come to depend on it we may lose our way on our own path. There are those who will not like us no matter what we do, but that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with us. Each of us has our own filters built from our experiences over time. They may see in us something that is merely a projection of their understanding, but we have no control over the interpretations of others. The best we can do is to hope that the role we play in the script of their lives is helpful to them, and follow our own inner guidance with integrity.

As we reap the benefits of walking our perfect paths, we grow to appreciate the feeling of fully being ourselves. The need to have everyone like us will be replaced by the exhilaration of discovering that we are attracting like-minded individuals into our lives—people who like us because they understand and appreciate the truth of who we are. We free ourselves from trying to twist into shapes that will fit the spaces provided by others’ limited understanding and gain a new sense of freedom, allowing us to expand into becoming exactly who we’re meant to be. And in doing what we know to be right for us, we show others that they can do it too. Cocreating our lives with the universe and its energy of pure potential, we transcend limitations and empower ourselves to shine our unique light, fully and freely.

Go to The Daily Om for more great thoughts.

Fish Falling from the Sky and other Back to School Tales

Ahh, the joys of heading back to school!  It's a time for new beginnings, reuniting with old friends and new adventures in learning and personal growth.

Sound familiar?

How about a dose of reality? Back to school is back to stress for many parents and children.  It is an abrupt end to the stress-free, schedule-free, carpool-free, long summer days and a harsh entry into new situations, busy schedules, carpools, homework, and rising levels of anxiety.

This fall, my family added one more challenge to our already hectic start to the school year - we adopted a new puppy.  I knew that this would be a big addition to my already full load.   So, in anticipation of adding one more living being to care for,  I decided to put my best foot forward and embrace the “present momentness” of being a new dog owner.   As I was dealing with all of the back to school chaos,  I also found myself rushing home throughout the day to walk the dog, clean up his occasional "messes" around the house, and make sure he too was fed and cared for.   I admit that I felt "my cup runneth over," and not in such a good way.  Then, this happened . . .

I was outside in my backyard with the puppy in between drop offs and pick ups, phone calls and work meetings, feeling rushed and harried, when all of a sudden I heard a loud thump right behind me.  I thought I had nearly missed being hit in the head by a branch falling from high above as I ducked down to avoid injury.  When I uncovered my head and turned around, I realized it was not a branch at all, I was shocked to see a very large and very alive ten-inch fish that had literally fallen from the sky just a few inches from where I was standing.  It was alive, bloody and still flopping.  I immediately thought of the ten plagues and I asked myself,  "What's next  - - frogs or locusts raining down on me?"    Once I wrestled my brain away from biblical gloom and doom, I thought perhaps someone was playing a sick joke on me.   I then thought, how lucky I was that the fish did not fall directly on my head.  If it had hit me, I would surely not be writing this right now and would instead be lying on a couch in a psychiatrist's office.

Not knowing what to do next, I noticed our little pup licking his chops and running towards the squirming fish.  I quickly grabbed him and took him inside the house, a near miss of yet another messy and disgusting clean up.   I then took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to get rid of this unwanted addition to my backyard, still in disbelief that I was nearly assaulted by a fish.   I realized that I was now very late to meet a friend for a lunch date - - - at a SUSHi restaurant. Gazing at this little fish making his last few efforts to stay alive, I felt paralyzed, not knowing what to do next.  As much as I would have loved to heroically saved its life, I was feeling overwhelmed, disgusted and still in a bit of shock.  So, I called my friend, apologized for running late, and told her that I could not possibly eat sushi for lunch.    Upset and bewildered, I left the fish to the wildlife in my backyard, hoping never to cross its path again.

I came home several hours later and quickly returned to my backyard to see how this story would unfold, hoping that no evidence would remain of this bizarre incident.  But, OH NO,  no such luck.  It was still there, now dead and covered with bees.  My nine year old was a real trooper and agreed to help me get rid of the fish and send it back into the sea (actually into a tiny river in my backyard) for a proper burial.  I asked her to go inside to get my phone to document the event while I armed myself with gloves and a giant snow shovel.  As most 9 year olds with good intentions do, she was eager to help but forget to close the door when she went inside.  With the door wide open, my little puppy came running outside and, before we knew what had happened, he had the ten-inch fish hanging out of his mouth.  With gloves, an iPhone and a shovel in hand, we ran furiously after him trying to catch him and remove the dead fish from his mouth.   For some reason we were also screaming at the top of our lungs.    We must have looked ridiculous!  In fact, the dog was so shocked by our behavior that he dropped the fish and simply ran from us.  We quickly grabbed him and returned him to the house and finally we could scoop the fish up and return him to the sea.

This bizarre incident was an undeniable reminder that sometimes in the midst of the chaos and stress of life, we have a choice of whether to laugh or to cry, to become overwhelmed or to recognize that "this too shall pass."    Sometimes the utter ridiculousness of our circumstances can be overwhelming, even paralyzing.  Instead of falling into a deep abyss of panic or anxiety, it is helpful to simply take a step back, let go of the notion that we actually have control of the situation and just laugh.  This was my reminder during this hectic time of year to laugh, take a deep breath and to watch out for fish falling from the sky.

We Don't Have Time for That!

Recently, as I was driving my youngest daughter to her tennis lesson, I was alarmed to hear a deep, raspy cough come from her little body.   I told her that we needed go to the doctor to get her throat checked.   Much to my surprise, she responded, "Mom, we don't have time for that."    It was one of those parenting moments that stopped me in my tracks,  realizing that the message that I want to teach my children was not coming through loud and clear, but rather being muddled and muddied by my actions, and our busy schedules. The number one stressor of adults and teens today is time -- having too much to do and not enough time to do it all.  Children and teens, and not just the adults who care for them, are feeling the stress of overloaded schedules, and the pressure to do so much and to do it all well.   Many of my favorite childhood memories are of long, lazy weekends, or afternoons filled with what seemed like endless hours of unstructured, unscheduled playtime.   Yet,  I often wonder what memories my own children will have of their childhood?  Will they remember long, lazy days full of fun and imaginative play or will they remember rushing from one activity to the next?

We are blessed to have so many wonderful opportunities for ourselves and for our children, but the stress and anxiety from being over-scheduled may virtually eliminate the benefits gained from those activities.  As Henry David Thoreau put it, “It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?”   Perhaps it is a return to the simple things that we enjoyed as children that would have a greater impact on our children's creativity, self esteem and happiness.    They grow up too quickly as it is.  Perhaps helping them to slow down is the best gift we can give them -- allowing them time to make a mess, time to clean up, time to make mistakes and time to learn from them, time to create and time to imagine.

As the beautiful flowers are blooming outside, I am reminded once again how important it is to literally stop and smell the roses, to enjoy the incredible opportunity of an unplanned afternoon, and to make sure that my children experience the great joys in slowing down, in not feeling rushed, and in taking the time to just be.

The Art of Eating Mindfully

As the holidays approach, our daylight hours shorten, and cool temperatures arrive, we find less opportunity to be outdoors and active, and more opportunity to be indoors, eating.  Here are some helpful tips to eat mindfully this holiday season --  to slow down, truly savor your food,  and enjoy some, but not too much, of the delicious fare that abounds in the coming months.

1. Are you really hungry?

There are many reasons why we grab a bite, often is it not hunger that is prompting us to eat.  For example, we use food to reward ourselves for a job well done, we snack to procrastinate or to delay doing something that we really do not want to do, we eat to relieve stress, we eat to cheer ourselves up when we are having a bad day, and we eat when we feel sleepy and want to re-energize ourselves.  It is important to take a moment before you reach for that cookie, and be aware of what you are actually feeling.  Ask yourself, "Am I really hungry?"   You may need a brisk walk outside, a short nap, a hot cup of tea or a good talk with a friend, instead of a bite to eat.  Often food is not the answer to your craving, and although it may cause a temporary pleasure boost, if it isn’t hunger you are really feeling, food will not satisfy your needs.

2. Slow down

Who has time to eat a leisurely meal these days?  Eating quickly, however, can lead to overeating.  It takes the brain twenty minutes to register that the stomach is full.  If we eat quickly, we don’t give our brain time to register that we have filled our stomachs and we continue to eat while this neurotransmission is happening.  As a result,  we fill our stomachs way past full.  There are several ways to help you slow down.  One way is to use a fork and knife to eat, and put the fork down in between bites.  If you are eating a finger food, simply put the food down and take a pause in between bites.   Chew your food slowly and thoroughly, giving yourself the opportunity to savor the experience by being aware of the texture and taste in your mouth with each bite.

3. Pay attention

In today’s world, we pride ourselves in our ability to multitask.   Doing many things all at the same time, however, means that we are not doing any of those things with our full attention.  When we are eating while reading the paper, watching the news, catching up on our e-mails, or talking on the phone, we are not giving our food or our body's signals our full attention. By paying attention to our food and the sensation of eating, we can gain a much greater appreciation of the taste, smell and texture of our food, as well as its appearance.  Taking the time to notice these things will make the experience that much more enjoyable and will become a much more satisfying experience.   As we improve the quality of our eating experience by paying attention, we lower our need to eat more because we feel satisfied with less.

4. Have a seat

We must give ourselves the opportunity to truly enjoy our food.  We can do this by sitting down to eat.  This will minimize that mindless snacking that often leads to overeating.  We should get in the habit of only eating when we are sitting down at the table.  This also allows us to give our food our full attention.  While sitting down, remember to chew your food slowly and savor each mouthful.  There is much greater satisfaction derived from our first few bites than from our last few bites, so make sure to sit and enjoy them.

5. Eat food that satisfies both your body and your mind

Everywhere we turn we find new information on what we should or should not be eating.  As a result, we may even chose to eat things that we don’t enjoy.  Satisfaction comes not just from being full, but also from enjoying the taste of what we are eating.  Without feeling satisfied, we tend to eat more.  So, enjoy a taste of what you love.  Just remember to indulge in moderation, and enjoy it guilt-free. Eating should be a joyous, pleasurable experience - so sit down, relax, take tour time and appreciate that delicious food you have in front of you.

Don’t Forget to Exercise Your Brain

Most of us make time each week to workout at the gym, attend a yoga class, or go for a run.  Inspired by the effects of aging on our bodies, we are compelled to work out to stay healthy and fit.  As we age, our metabolism slows down, our energy levels wane, and we notice sagging and wrinkles in areas that shouldn’t sag or wrinkle.  These physical changes inspire us to hit the gym to combat these signs of aging. Not only do our bodies show the signs of aging, so do our brains.  Although brain aging is not visible, and therefore less apparent, our brains shrink or atrophy as we age, and we lose our memory and our thinking abilities.  But there is hope.  New studies of the brain and aging have shown evidence that we can slow down brain aging and even strengthen our brains with the age-old practice of meditation.

Exciting research now reveals that the way we use our brain and care for it can enhance its neuroplasticity.  Scientists use to believe that the human brain was a relatively static organ.  But emerging studies reveal that we can actually change our brain structure throughout our life.  Changes in behavior, environment and neural processes, can actually alter the neural pathways and synapses in our brain, changing the way our brain functions.   Exciting new scientific studies, such as one conducted by researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, use MRI scans to document before and after changes in the brain associated with mindfulness meditation.  After eight weeks, the MRI scans revealed an increased density in areas of the brain associated with memory, self-awareness and compassion, and decreases in the amygdala, which is associated with fear and stress.

I recently attended the first Advances in Meditation Research Conference, where neuroscientists spoke of their recent research in which they studied the neurological effects of meditation on the brain.  The results were inspiring.  Although much of the discussion was highly scientific and too technical for my brain to fully comprehend, their conclusions were quite clear that meditation can have a positive effect on our brains.   At the conference, researchers discussed their recent studies that showed evidence that meditation practices slow down the natural course of aging, effectively treat the onset of neurodegenerative diseases, such as dementia and alzheimers, and increase brain function in their test cases.

Mindfulness meditation, which requires focused attention for a prolonged period of time, may sound easy, but it requires tremendous effort and mental discipline.  Anyone who has tried sitting quietly for twenty minutes knows that it is hard work.  Just like going to the gym or running a few miles, meditation is difficult at first.  Over time, however, that hard work pays off.  Just like building biceps, we can strengthen our brain and slow down the effects of aging by committing to meditation and mindfulness excercises that are proving to be incredibly beneficial.  So what are you waiting for?

A Meditation for the Holiday Season

Why is it that during this joyful, festive time of year so many people are feeling anxious, depressed or depleted?  All that gift giving and holiday cheer  can be exhausting.  There is pressure to be happy and full of joy.   So when we don’t feel like being in the holiday spirit (or we may feel downright depressed), we become upset with ourselves and ask, “What is wrong with me?” First, there is nothing wrong with you.  Throw away any judgment or feeling of disappointment in yourself.  You feel the way you feel, and that is OK.  It is an exhausting time of year.  There is cooking to do, presents to wrap, gifts to give, roads to travel.  You may also feel lonely or sad.  In addition, there are always those complicated family dynamics to contend with, which are often even more intense this time of year.  So, remind yourself that it is OK to feel whatever you feel.

Second, whether you are a regular meditator or have never tried meditation before, try this simple holiday meditation.  It doesn’t take long and I know you will feel a little better after giving it a try.  The great part about this meditation is that you can use it over and over again throughout the holiday season, as needed (no prescription required).

Step 1:

Find a quiet spot.  Allow yourself to escape for a short time from the commotion.  Sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor, with your back straight OR lie down comfortably on your back in a resting position. Gently close your eyes.

Step 2:

Breathe deeply, in through your nose, then release that air back out through your nose.   Simply follow your breath in through your nose, filling up your lungs and abdomen, allowing your belly and chest to expand.   As you exhale, follow your breath back out through your lungs, your abdomen contracting, as the air flows out your nose.  As you inhale, think of letting in a sense of  calm, quiet, and stillness.   As you exhale, release all of the tension in your body, and any anxiety or sadness you are feeling.  With each exhale, simply let go.  As you continue your breathing, exhale for a slightly longer time than you inhale.  For example, inhale for two counts, then exhale for four counts.  You can use any number you want, just try to make your exhales longer than your inhales.  Fully release all of the air you are holding on to.  After doing this several times, you will begin to feel more relaxed, calm and peaceful.

Step 3:

After you have done some breathing and are in a nice rhythm, continue your slow, steady breathing while you think about five things you are grateful for.  These can be almost anything.  Just take the time to remind yourself of a few incredible gifts, big or small, that you have in your life.  For example, you may be grateful for allowing yourself to take this much needed time out from the holiday madness.   I will give you the first five things that pop into my head.

#1 - I am grateful for my breath.  As I breathe in and breathe out, I am so thankful that I can breathe freely, that my body works in a miraculous rhythm, naturally and rhythmically.  I am grateful for my breath.

#2 - I am grateful for my children.  I am incredibly lucky to have three beautiful, healthy, loving children who bring great joy to my life.  I am grateful for my children.

#3 – I am grateful for my husband.  I am so thankful to have a supportive husband who loves me unconditionally every day.  I am grateful for my husband.

#4 – I am grateful for my own wellness warrior, my mother.  My mother spent all of last year fighting lymphoma.  Every day she faced very difficult physical and emotional challenges with incredible strength, optimism and courage.  Through the most difficult circumstances, she was an example of the importance of being present in each moment, taking each day as it came,  one moment at a time, and, sometimes, one breath at a time.  I am grateful for my mother.

#5 – I am grateful for my friends.  I have so many people in my life that love and care about me.  I am truly blessed to have them in life.  I am grateful for my friends.

Step 4:

Smile and continue to breathe.  After taking the time to think about a few things you are grateful for, return to your breath.  Try smiling by simply turning the very ends of your mouth upwards, to allow some happiness in.  “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”  (Thich Nhat Hanh)  Focus on your breath, on that feeling of gratitude and on letting go. Take this time for yourself.  Be present, let go and simply breathe this holiday season!

Taking the Om on the Road

We are thrilled to have an ever-growing community of like-minded people right here in Westchester, with whom we are traveling along our journey in meditation and mindfulness.  Our dear friend, author and New York Times reporter, wrote about the positive impact that her meditation pracitce has had on her life in Taking the OM on the Road.  We hope you enjoy it!

Sharon Salzberg Joins 2bpresent for a night on Real Happiness

Join 2bpresent for an evening with

Sharon Salzberg

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Sharon is one of America’s leading spiritual teachers and authors.  She is cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, Massachusetts.  She has played a crucial role in bringing Asian meditation practices to the West. The ancient Buddhist practices of vipassana (mindfulness) and metta (lovingkindness) are the foundations of her work.

Happiness that is not shaken by conditions begins with imagining that such stable and open happiness exists, and could exist for us. We also need wisdom in order to know how to make such happiness real. This implies patience, perspective, and an ability to see things as they are. During this evening we will explore our notions of happiness, strength, aloneness and possibility. We'll practice meditation along with dialogue and discourse. Suitable for both beginning and more experienced meditators.

To register for this event click here

For more information about Sharon please visit: www.sharonsalzberg.com

Attitude of Gratitude

Whenever life is getting you down, try looking at things from a different perspective.  Here are some examples of how it works. I am thankful for  . . .

For the wife who says it’s PB&J tonight for dinner because she is home with me and not out with someone else.

For the husband who is on the sofa being a couch potato because he is home with me and not out at the bars.

For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes because it means she is at home and not on the streets.

For the crying of my little ones because they are still young enough to believe that I can kiss it and make it feel better.

For the taxes I pay because it means I am employed.

For the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.

For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means I am alive.

And finally, for too many e-mails because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.