Accepting What Is

Acceptance.

Mindfulness can help us learn to accept what is - to accept our life experience as it unfolds. As Eckhart Tolle likes to say, we must accept the "isness" of our lives. When we are mindful, we begin to observe whatever we are experiencing - our physical body, our thoughts, and our emotions - and simply notice our experience as it is happening.  We notice our bodies: tightness, tension, openness.  We notice our thoughts: "Why did I do that?"  "I can't do this." Or, "I'm never going to get his all done."  And, we notice our emotions: fear, sadness, joy.

One myth of mindfulness is that it eliminates all the bad stuff and leaves us to simply relish in the pleasant, joyful moments of life.  Mindfulness does not eliminate difficult emotions.  Instead, we become more skilled at self-awareness and better at understanding our experience without judging it or becoming overwhelmed by it.  We learn to be with whatever is there and feel it fully - the pleasant, the unpleasant and the neutral.  Rather than trying to get rid of it, fix it, or figure it out, we learn to sit with it, see it for what it is and accept it fully.

In this process, we begin to recognize that some things are simply out of our control, like other people's actions, illness or even our own feelings that can arise in response to those things. But by sitting with our experience, by observing what is there, and acknowledging it, we can begin to accept it as it is.  We can be with our sadness, our frustration, our anger or our feeling of powerlessness, and simply recognize that those are all OK to feel and they are justified simply because we are feeling them.  No judgment, just observation. Acceptance does NOT mean that we have to agree with the situation or that we have to like it, it simply means that we accept that it is happening.

While mindfulness helps us recognize that many things are outside of our control, it also helps us learn that there are many things within our control.  We can begin to exercise our power to choose how we want to view our situation, we can choose how we want to respond to it and we can choose which actions we want to take to move forward in a healthy and meaningful way.

Mindfulness strategies we can use when faced with challenging situations:

(1) Focusing on A Pleasant or Neutral Present Moment Experience.  

Sometimes accepting your current situation can be incredibly difficult, particularly when you are facing great challenges. Often that difficulty brings up strong emotions like fear or anger.  When we are feeling overwhelmed and having difficulty sitting with strong emotions, it can be very helpful to direct our focus and attention to something neutral or pleasant. This is when our mindfulness practice gives us the insight to know that we are struggling or feeling overwhelmed, and the ability to place our attention on something more positive while our minds and bodies settle down.

Simple mindfulness practices like placing your attention on your breath, mindfully drinking your coffee, listening to the sounds around you or going outside and enjoying the full sensory experience of being in nature, can help you get out of your thinking mind and into your sensory world of experience. This can be at the very least a neutral experience and at best a quite pleasant one. Taking time out to take a few, deep, mindful breaths can also help activate your Rest and Digest response and turn off your Stress response. Practicing mindfulness in this way can help you relax, settle your mind, and add some pleasant, more joyful moments to your day.  I love this poem that beautifully expresses how we can move mindfully through our day   . . .

Walk Slowly (Danna Faulds) It only takes a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection. The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and I remember again that life isn't a relay race; that we will all cross the finish line; that waking up to life is what we were born for. As many times as I forget, catch myself charging forward without even knowing where I'm going, that many times I can make the choice to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk slowly into the mystery.

(2) Accepting What Is.

This may be much easier said than done, but it is the key to lowering our suffering.  In Buddhist teachings, suffering is caused by our struggle against what is. Life can be painful, but our true suffering comes from our struggle against what we cannot change.  We don't have to like it, we don't have to agree with it, we just have to accept that it is happening. This shift in mindset can help us move forward and take the necessary steps to cultivate a healthy approach to how we can move on in a healthy and productive way.

When you are feeling ready, you can simply sit with whatever you are feeling and allow yourself to feel it fully.  Invite it into your meditation, as we say. You can simply label it - anger, sadness, disappointment, etc.  Notice how it feels in your body.  And, simply notice how that feeling may change by simply observing it and accepting it as it is.  Soften into it.  One of my mindfulness teachers likes to point out that the word emotion has the word "motion" in it for a reason, and that is because emotions will move through us if we allow them to.

(3) Self-Compassion. 

One critical part of all mindfulness practice is self-compassion.  It is OK to feel anger, it is OK to have trouble accepting what is. Be aware and be careful not to add on a layer of self-judgment and self-criticism to what you are experiencing. By using your mindfulness practice to simply see what you are experiencing, to feel it fully, to acknowledge it and to accept it, you can begin to move forward. This self-compassion is a critical part of your self-care. Remember, we are not trying to eliminate, suppress or "correct" our emotional response, we are simply trying to recognize what we are feeling and accept it fully.  We are human and our feelings are real and justified simply because they are there.  In doing this, we can allow our emotions to move through us so we can move on.

(4) Acceptance and Mindful Parenting.

Acceptance is critical in mindful parenting.  Too often we try to correct our children or tell them why what they are feeling is not valid or why they should not feel that way.  For example, we may catch ourselves saying, "One day you will realize how silly this is."  Instead, we need to listen fully and attentively, offering them our open, nonjudgmental attention. We must turn off our mental running commentary and hear what they are saying.  Try not to interrupt.  Just listen.  Be aware of your own thoughts and judgments and how those may be interfering with your ability to simply listen and absorb.  Accept what they are feeling simply because they are feeling it.  Finally, we need to validate what they are feeling and let them know that we hear them.  For example, we can simply say, "Wow, that must have been very hurtful."  Simply listening without judging or trying to solve a problem, accepting fully what your child is feeling and validating those feelings can create an open and meaningful channel of communication.  It fosters deep connection and a safe space for them to feel heard and understood.  It also allows them a healthy roadmap to process their own feelings.

The Dalai Lama's Laugh

It is Thanksgiving time again.   Time to gather with friends and family to celebrate and give thanks for all that we have.  This time of year, however, is also full of stress and anxiety for many who are rushing around preparing for the holiday season.  Time with family and friends, and holiday travel, also bring challenging situations, annoyance and for many a feeling of sadness.    Although this is a time for giving thanks for all that we have, it is sometimes difficult to feel grateful in the midst of the stressful holiday season. So what does all of this have to do with the Dalai Lama's laugh, you may ask?  I recently had the great pleasure of spending two days with the Dalai Lama in New York City. I sat in a crowded theater with hundreds of others listening to him speak. When I first arrived, I was surprised to hear protesters outside the theater chanting loudly that he was the "false Dalai Lama."  As we were ushered into the crowded theater, we were searched for dangerous objects before being allowed into the room.   This was all a strange and disturbing beginning to a day with the the winner of the Nobel Prize for Peace.  When I finally arrived at my seat, excited to be in the presence of such an important historical figure, the Dalai Lama began his lesson in Tibetan.  For the first 20 minutes, and throughout the two days, he spoke in a language I could not begin to understand.    Then, when his interpreter began to speak in English to translate his words, it seemed that even English was not going to help me truly understand the complicated teachings of Dependent Origination and Intrinsic Existence.  As I struggled to understand his existential teachings, I found myself captivated by one thing - the Dalai Lama's laughter.

Many of us shared the same experience that day.  There was something about his deep, joyful belly laugh that seemed to exude happiness.  This is a man who has lost his country, who bears the burden of continuing the Tibetan culture and its spiritual teachings, who, at 79 years old, lives in exile and travels the world sharing these teachings to hundreds of thousands of people, and who has the fate of an entire culture in his hands.  And yet, despite the tremendous burden he carries, he manages to sit happily, with a radiating smile, filling the large theater with his laughter.  This alone was worth the price of admission.

Back to our own Thanksgiving tables.  The Dalai Lama's laugh is a great example of how our own happiness need not be defined by our circumstances.  Despite our suffering, our challenges or our difficult circumstances,  we too can choose to find happiness and laughter.  As the Dalai Lama says, "Happiness is a choice."   There are simple ways to find joy in each moment.  For example, we can simply take a deep breath and enjoy the fact the we can take a  breath.  I often think back to when my mother was ill and I found tremendous joy on mornings when she could simply breathe with ease.  This simple act of gratitude is easily forgotten when life gets busy.  But the ability to take a slow, deep breath is something to be very thankful for.

Another way to bring gratitude to Thanksgiving is to look at the food on our table and think about everyone who has contributed in some way to our meal -- the famers in the field, the animals in the farm, the food company employees who produce and package our food, the truck drivers, the grocery store clerks, the cashiers, the caregivers and cooks who prepare it, and those who worked to make money so the food could be purchased.  Each and every person played a part in getting this food on the table for us to enjoy.  This brings a great sense of interconnectedness, interdependence and a feeling of appreciation and gratitude to our hearts.   Try thinking about all the people who contributed in some way to your Thanksgiving meal, from its very beginning in a field somewhere in the world to your plate.

On to a more challenging gratitude practice - dealing with difficult people.  Even the difficult people in our lives can help us find gratitude and happiness.  Pay attention to the person in your life who causes you discomfort or unease, and try to find something that person has done for you, directly or indirectly, that brings you joy.  They may have brought someone into your life who you love very much, or perhaps they make someone you love very happy.  Whatever it is, recognize it and be thankful for it.   It is also helpful to recognize that even the people who are most challenging for us are also just searching for their own happiness, and are often struggling in their own way to find it.  Opening the door to compassion for them, will also help us find our own peace and happiness.

Bah Humbug!  Why even try?  All this effort to cultivate gratitude can actually pay off.   Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness, has spent years studying the brain and has found that we can actually change our brains and create more happiness in our lives with practice.   We can cause our neural machinery to cultivate positive states of mind.  This is known as “self-directed neuroplasticity.”  Neuroplasticity refers to the malleable nature of the brain.  Dr. Hanson has found that we can change our brains to be happier by deliberately training the mind to appreciate the good that is all around us.  What better time to start practicing happiness and hardwiring your brain for positivity than Thanksgiving.

So, this Thanksgiving, practice laughing out loud like the Dalai Lama and take the time to look around or inside yourself and notice a few things that you can be truly grateful for.  Whether it is your breath, your health, your children, the food in front of you, the sun rising, or the person sitting next to you, simply take the time to notice how fortunate you are and give thanks for that good fortune.

New Fall Evening Mindfulness Class: Finding Real Happiness

What if you could be more peaceful with yourself, those around you and your world? Join us on a journey to finding real happiness as we explore meditation and mindfulness, and learn how to incorporate them into our everyday lives. Mindfulness can help you lower your levels of stress, stay focused and calm, and live your life with a greater sense of ease and happiness.

This course is an introduction to the fundamentals of mindfulness and meditation, and will help you gain a deeper understanding of these practices.

Join us for contemplation, meditation and action-based exercises. This is a five week class. We will meet for one hour each week.

Evening Class Dates & Time: 10/8, 10/15, 10/22, 10/29 and 11/5 from 7 pm to 8 pm.

Investment: $195

Location: Groove, 108 Chatsworth Avenue, Larchmont, New York.

THIS CLASS IS NO LONGER ACCEPTING REGISTRATIONS

About the Instructor . . .

Cheryl Brause is the Co-Founder of 2bpresent. She has practiced meditation and mindfulness for many years, and has worked in the field of teaching mindfulness meditation for the past four years to adults, teens and children. Cheryl has studied meditation and mindfulness under with many leaders in the field. She has completed her Level I and II Meditation Teacher Training from Om Yoga. She is trained in Learning to BREATHE - a mindfulness curriculum for adolescents, and completed her K-12 Mindful Schools Curriculum Training. Cheryl teaches mindfulness and meditation privately to children, teens and adults. She has also created and taught programs in our community to train teachers and students in stress reduction techniques and mindfulness tools to help them thrive.

What people are saying about 2bpresent classes and workshops. . .

"Every now and then you come across a class or a person who helps you to be a better person. Cheryl offers just that. I am a better person because of all the things that I have learned- I am a better spouse, a better mother, a better friend, a better co-worker, and actually even more compassionate with myself. And what’s the best part? That I got all this by simply learning how to slow down and calm down. I will be forever grateful!

Taking the beginning meditation class is the single most important thing I have done for myself in the last decade. I can honestly say that my family and I are all happier because of my taking this one step to learn how to be calmer and more mindful." - Psychologist, mother and participant in Real Happiness and Mindful Living

"Cheryl's class taught me not only how to meditate, but how to incorporate mindfulness into everything that I do. Cheryl is extremely knowledgable about the practice of mindfulness and has a teaching style that is very easy to understand and accessible. It was a truly life changing experience. I can't wait for my next class!" - MBA, mother, participant in Mindful Living

"I took Cheryl’s mindfulness class last spring and the effects have stayed with me. The tools and techniques she showed the class were fun and easy to use and the discussion really brought everything down to a real level that can be applied. Cheryl has a unique way of speaking about mindfulness that is very insightful and practical. I thoroughly enjoyed the class and would highly recommend it!" - Organizational Development Consultant, mother, participant in Mindful Living

Weekly Wisdom #30

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.”  - Dalai Lama XIV

Mindful Living: An Introduction to Mindfulness and Meditation Practices

Are you feeling tired, a lack of focus and concentration and out of patience?   Do you want to learn ways to slow down, clam down and find a greater sense of balance and happiness in your  life?

Join us for Mindful Living: An Introduction to Mindfulness and Meditation

We will explore  meditation and mindfulness practices that can be used everyday to help bring calm, clarity, connections and contentment into your daily life.  Each class will consist of a discussion and practice.

Benefits of Mindfulness and Meditation include:

• Increasing your attention, focus and concentration
• Understanding your own stress reactions and how to minimize them
• Increasing your sense of balance and equanimity
• Fostering a greater connection in your relationships
• Enriched appreciation of the ordinary moments of life
• Learning to listen with kindness to yourself and those around you
• Improved sleep

Class Dates & Times:  Tuesday evenings, November 19, 26, December 3  and 10, from 8 to 9:30 pm.

Location:  Westchester Jewish Center, Rockland & Palmer Avenue, Mamaroneck, New York.

Investment:  $140 members and $160 non-members

*This class is a prerequisite for classes we will be offering in 2014 on Meditation and Spirituality.

**Registration opening soon for this class.

The Art of Letting Go

As the New Year approaches, we begin to look back at the year that has passed and consider all that we experienced.  We think about our New Year’s resolutions and set our intentions for the year to come.  Looking at the past, we often want certain things to be different or better in the New Year and we strategize to change our lives by doing something differently. This year, try adding to your resolutions for 2013, the practice of letting go. There is so much to be gained from learning to let go.  How can I gain something from letting something go, you may ask?  Read on and you will see that the rewards of letting go can be life changing.

There is so much that we hold onto in our lives that cause us pain and suffering.  We cling to our desires and our expectations, and when those desires are not satisfied, and those expectations are not met, we suffer.  We want things to be a certain way, and when life does not unfold as we had hoped, we are sad, angry, disappointed or depressed.   We often resist what is actually happening because it is not what we want to be happening, and we suffer through it.

We can eliminate so much of our negative emotions and experience greater joy in our lives, if we practice the art of letting go.  By analogy, we can look at our own bodies.   We hold a tremendous amount of tension in our bodies, often in our necks, backs, and shoulders.   Many of us aren’t even aware we are physically tense until we begin to feel severe aches and pains in our bodies.  Yet, often unknowingly we are clenching our muscles in response to stress.  Once our attention is drawn to those areas, we recognize the tension.  After becoming aware of where we are holding this tension, we can work on releasing it.   By letting go of our tension, we can literally move through life with greater ease and less pain.   In much the same way, we cling emotionally to so much that causes us great pain.   It is the art of letting go that can bring us tremendous relief and offer us the opportunity to move through life with greater ease.

So what do we need to let go of?  This is often the most challenging part of this exercise because we need to look deep within ourselves to understand what we are truly experiencing.  Here are a few of the big things we can look at in our own lives and ask ourselves, “How is this serving me?”  If it is not serving you in any positive way, then let it go.

Letting go of Expectations

A common source of emotional pain and suffering occurs when our expectations are not met.  We may feel great disappointment, sadness or anger when colleagues, friends or relatives do not act in a way that we had hoped they would act.  Perhaps we are not getting the support that we need from someone.  Or, we do not have the kind of relationship that we had hoped for. Or, we simply think someone in our lives is a very difficult or challenging person (we may use other words to describe that person, but I will stick with these).   It is important to remember that this is not about who is right and who is wrong.  There is no judgment in this exercise.  The goal is to recognize that what we are getting (or not getting) from someone is not what we want.  Since we cannot force others to act in a way that meets our expectations, the best path to alleviate this emotional pain is by simply letting go of those expectations, and accepting what is.  Once we let go of our expectations, it is remarkable how a relationship can change.  By releasing the grip of our attachments to our expectations, we open ourselves up to new possibilities for connection.

We place some of our greatest expectations on ourselves.  In our culture, we strive for perfection in the way we look, in our lifestyles, in our own behavior and in our children.  We set incredibly high standards and feel disappointment when we fail to meet those lofty goals.  Yet, as Anna Quindlen so beautifully said, “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work on becoming yourself."

As parents, we also need to take a close look at the expectations we set for our children.  Are they realistic?  Are we ignoring our children’s needs and their individuality when we place certain expectations on them?  Sometimes we need to let those expectations go in order to let our children flourish and grow on their own terms and in their own way, rather than imposing on them our own desires and wishes for who we want them to be.  Once we learn to look at them through an unfiltered lens, void of the distortion of our own expectations, we may be better able to see the incredible people that they are.

Letting Go and the Art of Forgiveness

The ability to forgive is one of the greatest acts of letting go.   Nelson Mandela once said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”  Clinging to unhealthy emotions, like resentment, is a self-destructive behavior that does not serve you.  On the contrary, clinging to resentment will only cause you tremendous pain and suffering.   It is extremely difficult to forgive others when they have wronged you or someone you love, but holding on to deep resentment or hatred will do nothing to your “enemy” but will do great harm to you.  Can you identify a person who you are unable to forgive? Can you think of an event that continues to trigger negative emotions?  How is that serving you?   How would it feel to simply let that go?

The BIG One - Letting go of Fear

Most stress and anxiety is deeply rooted in fear.  We may not always realize this, but if we dig deep enough, we will find fear at the base of almost all stress and anxiety.  We are afraid of being alone.  We are afraid of not being loved.  We are afraid of failure.  We are afraid that our children will fail.  Our ultimate fear, of course, is the fear of death.  These fears cause us sleepless nights, stressful days, and lots of running around trying to prevent these things from happening.

Again, we must ask ourselves, “How is this serving me?”   Will it prevent me from being alone?  Will it help me to be loved?  Will it prevent me or my children from experiencing failure?  And, the big question, will fear prevent me from dying?  We all know the answers to these questions, and yet, we continue to live with stress and anxiety that stems from our fears.

It is important to remember that fear is a perfectly normal feeling.  However, when fear causes great stress and anxiety in our daily lives, which leads to sleepless nights and our inability to experience happiness in our days, then it is important to practice the art of letting go.

I experienced a profound moment of letting go in my early twenties on an airplane at 10,000 feet above the earth.  I was traveling for work when the airplane began to bounce through the air as we experienced quite a bit of turbulence.  I panicked.  I clenched the armrests, and began to envision the plane plummeting downward.  I was petrified, alone, fearing the worst possible outcome.  And then it happened.  I recognized that there was absolutely nothing that I could do to help the airplane land safely.  I was aware that my fear was causing my heart to race, my breathing to speed up, and my hands to feel numb as I continued to envision my impending doom.   Yet, I also recognized that my fear was not serving me.  I was suffering.  So, I made the conscious choice to let go.  In some ways I opened my heart to what was happening and accepted it as it was.  I took a deep breath, picked up my magazine, assured myself that it would be all right and I began to read, choosing very specifically not to allow my thoughts to be consumed by fear.

Letting go can be an extremely difficult thing to do.  However, by releasing the strong grip of fear, resentment or expectations, we can experience tremendous freedom and open ourselves up to new possibilities.  We have the incredible power to let go.  By letting go, we can free ourselves to experience life with much greater ease and much less pain.  So, this New Years Eve, I invite you to consider the possibility of letting go of those things in your life that are not serving you.  In doing so, you will find greater peace and ease in the year to come.

The Calm Before the Storm

Just before Superstorm Sandy hit our area, in what was the calm before the storm, I attended a beautiful service in which the following thoughts were read aloud by Rabbi Jeffrey Segelman.  I was struck by the beauty of his words and wanted to share his thoughts with you.  We are sending our love and prayers to those impacted by this devasting storm.

The Calm Before the Storm  . . .

There is something called the “calm before the storm.”  I do not know whether it is a scientific reality – whether there really is a “calm before the storm.”  It’s possible.  Or it might be that when we know a storm is coming and we are playing out all the terrible possibilities in our mind, the present reality just seems very calm.

But in either case – whether real or perceived – there is a calm before the storm.

I sometimes think that we don’t use it properly.  We usually use the calm to prepare for the storm.  Yes, I imagine that is important.  And yet, it would be nice if we could appreciate the calm without images of the storm infecting it.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we could take a walk in the calm before the storm, and just enjoy the calmness?  In the calm before the storm the wind may be invigorating – not destructive.  In the calm before the storm, the drops of rain may be refreshing - not drenching.  In the intense quiet of the calm before the storm, we can think, we can close our eyes, breathe in life, and maybe we can hear the still small voice of God.

Life is filled with storms – physical storms, emotional ones, spiritual ones.  Sometimes they take us by surprise; but sometimes they don’t, and there is a special – almost holy – calm before the storm.  The trick is to not let the fear of the storm destroy the peace of the calm.  We can use the calm to give thanks for what we have – even as it may soon blow away.  We can use the calm to pray – use the calm to listen – use the calm to love.

Thank you God – for the calm before the storm.

-by Rabbi Jeffrey Segelman

12 Exercises for Mindful Parenting

We all know that parenting can be a challenge.  Many of us have undergraduate and advanced degrees and have continued our professional training, but it is rare to find a course in what is arguably our most important job - parenting.  So, we at 2bpresent, hope to pass on to you any helpful bits of advice that we find along our journey on how to become a better parent.  In the book, Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Myla Kabat-Zinn and Jon Kabat-Zinn offer the following exercises that are wonderful tools to make our jobs as parents a bit easier and, perhaps a bit more rewarding and fulfilling, even at the most difficult moments.

12 Exercises for Mindful Parenting:

1. Try to imagine the world from your child's point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.
2. Imagine how you appear and sound from your child's point of view, i.e., having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, and what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?
3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. See if you can stay mindful of their sovereignty from moment to moment, and work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.
4. Be mindful of your expectations of your children and consider whether they are truly in your child's best interest. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.
5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn't some common ground, where your true needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.
6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still and meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking, even good thinking, and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what needs to be done. If that is not clear in any moment, maybe the best thing is to not do anything until it becomes clearer. Sometimes it is good to remain silent.
7. Try embodying silent presence. This will grow out of both formal and informal mindfulness practice over time if you attend to how you carry yourself and what you project in body, mind, and speech. Listen carefully.
8. Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. In Zen and the Art of Archery, Herrigel describes how he was taught to stand at the point of highest tension effortlessly without shooting the arrow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots itself. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. Simply bring your full awareness and presence to this moment. Practice seeing that whatever comes up is "workable" if you are willing to trust your intuition. Your child needs you to be a center of balance and trustworthiness, a reliable landmark by which he or she can take a bearing within his or her own landscape. Arrow and target need each other. They will find each other best through wise attention and patience.
9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing. An apology demonstrates that you have thought about a situation and have come to see it more clearly, or perhaps more from your child's point of view. But be mindful of being "sorry" too often. It loses its meaning if you are always saying it, making regret into a habit. Then it can become a way not to take responsibility for your actions. Cooking in remorse on occasion is a good meditation. Don't shut off the stove until the meal is ready.
10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.
11. There are important times when we need to be clear and strong and unequivocal with children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness, generosity, and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid, domineering, and controlling.
12. The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and awareness. This ongoing work can be furthered by making a time for quiet contemplation in whatever ways feel comfortable to us. We only have right now. Let us use it to its best advantage, for our children's sake, and for our own.

Excerpted from Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla Kabat-Zinn and Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Taking the Om on the Road

We are thrilled to have an ever-growing community of like-minded people right here in Westchester, with whom we are traveling along our journey in meditation and mindfulness.  Our dear friend, author and New York Times reporter, wrote about the positive impact that her meditation pracitce has had on her life in Taking the OM on the Road.  We hope you enjoy it!

The 12 Hows of Happiness- by Brian Johnson

We came across this great video that we thought that you might find interesting.  Take a look and let us know what you think.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGpAXWn89uA&feature=player_embedded

Spring/Summer Foundations of Meditation Class

Ready? . . . 2bpresent?

Join us for

Foundations of Meditation

with Janaki Pierson

Semi-private training in the theory and practice of silent, seated meditation in the yogic tradition.  Topics include: benefits of meditation, application to stress management, posture, the relationship between breath and the mind, the power of mantra and the evolution of consciousness.

Perfect for beginning meditators or for those who want to deepen their meditation practice, restart their meditation practice or learn more about silent, seated meditation.

Join us for the entire 6 week workshop, or just try the first session.

$45: Introduction to the Foundations of Meditation

Wednesday, May 30th from 10:30 a.m. - 12:00 pm

Larchmont, New York

$251: Pre-registration for 6 week workshop

May 30, June 6, 13, 27, July 11, and 18 from 10:30 a.m. - 12:00 pm

Larchmont, New York

For  more inforation and to register, please contact us at info@2bpresent.com

Space is limited for the 6 week course, so please register today.

Foundations of Meditation - This class starts with an introduction to meditation, followed by an in-depth course on the Foundations of Meditation.   The course will help establish the participants in the daily practice of meditation to experience the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual benefits.  Discussed in the course, such benefits include anxiety, stress and pain management, normalizing blood pressure, deep, calm peaceful sleep, improved personal satisfaction, contentment and inter-personal relationships, and sharpened decision-making ability.  Additional topics included in the course are: meditation posture; the relationship between breath and mind; the power of mantra; the evolution of consciousness; and the mind and attention.  Each class is 90 minutes and includes a 20 minute meditation.

Instructor Janaki Pierson has taught silent, sitting, yogic meditation using mantra for over 30 years.  She has been established in her own daily practice for 36 years.  She teaches throughout New England and Pennsylvania in medical, educational, corporate and community settings.  She has taught up to six meditation classes weekly through various departments of Greenwich Hospital over the past 18 years, as well as weekly classes at the Woodbury Yoga Center for 30 years.

How to Make that Vacation Last

“Vacation, all I ever wanted.  Vacation, had to get away.  Vacation, meant to be spent alone.”  Well, maybe not alone, in fact with 13 other people, but what a vacation it was!  After returning from an amazing vacation a few weeks ago, I can’t seem to get that classic 80’s tune from the Go-Go’s out of my head.  (Yes -- I was/am a huge Go-Go’s fan.)  In fact, I can’t seem to get my head back from vacation. This was no ordinary vacation.  I spent six days living at sea on a sailboat with my family of five.  Along for the adventure were two other families, dear friends, sailing across the beautiful blue Caribbean sea in their own boat, meeting us at remote islands each day to hike, kayak, snorkel, swim and play on the beach.

I realize that this was a very unique vacation, a vacation that is probably not for everyone, and one that was totally my cup of tea (or my cup of rum punch as the case may be).  Each day I enjoyed watching the sun rise and the sun set.  I kayaked each morning over the still, calm water before cooking and eating breakfast with my family.  At breakfast, we talked about the beauty of the crystal blue water around us and imagined all the pirates and explorers who had sailed on these seas before us.  After breakfast, we sailed on to our next destination, thrust forward only by the power of the wind as it caught our sails.

It all sounds heavenly, but it was not all luxury cruising.  During our sailing time, we all pitched in to help hoist the sails, swab the deck, check the lines and clean the galley.  We had limited water onboard, so water conservation in toilets, showers and sinks was a challenge and a necessity. No cell phones, no internet, no cable TV.  Our time was spent reading, talking, swimming, snorkeling, exploring, and simply enjoying the beauty of our surroundings. We were on our own, no captain and no crew, just us.  For me, it was the ultimate exercise in getting away from it all.

Now that I am home and back to a busy life in suburbia, I find myself with the same feeling I have after a wonderful yoga practice and blissful shavasana (for non-yogis, shavasana is done at the end of a yoga class when you lie on your back with your eyes closed, breathing deeply, as you relax the muscles that you just worked and you melt into the ground beneath you).   After shavasana, I often ask myself, how can I keep this deep state of calm, quiet and relaxation going off my yoga mat?  Since returning from my sailing vacation, I have been asking myself, how can I hold on to that blissful, relaxing feeling of my vacation now that I am home and back to my daily routine?

To figure out the answer to this question, I made a list of what it was about the vacation that helped me to feel so connected, relaxed and rested.  I concluded that if I could come up with a list of what made the vacation so fantastic, I would work to incorporate those things into my life at home in an effort to enjoy each day in a more relaxed, less stressful and less exhausting way.  Why not make a little part of each day like a mini-vacation?  Why wait for those few weeks a year to truly unwind and nurture myself?  Short of magically creating the beautiful blue sea, ocean breezes, rum punch on a sandy beach, and a beautiful boat to sail on, here is what I came up with:

(1)  Start the day with some time for peace, quiet and contemplation

(2)  Get exercise everyday - keep that body moving

(3)  Connect with Nature any time you can

(4)  Eat healthy, fresh food and get some rest

(5)  Spend quality time connecting with family and friends

If I could treat myself to these five things each day, would I feel some of that vacation state of mind back home?  I will say that I have tried it and, although it is not quite the Caribbean around here, it has been wonderful to take time each day to indulge in what makes me happy and more peaceful, and to take a mini break in an otherwise hectic day.  Most importantly is the idea that instead of pushing through the unpleasant business of each day and simply dreaming of the next opportunity to take a break from it all, I have tried to truly enjoy each day as it comes by incorporating into each day some of what makes me feel happy and peaceful.  Here are some observations I have made along the way and suggestions for how to incorporate these five things into your life.

First, it is interesting to me that once our lives get busier and more stressful, the first things that we “have no time for” are the things we need most.  The first thing to be cut from our schedules are often the things that I listed above.  Ironically, these things are needed most when we are busy and stressed.   By incorporating them into our lives, we will feel less stressed and better able to cope.   We will also have more energy to tackle our long “to do” lists.  If we include in our days the five things listed above, we can maintain at least some of that calm that we had on vacation and we won’t need to begin the count down to our next vacation the moment we return home from our last getaway.

Start the day off with a few minutes of calm.

On vacation, we have physically removed ourselves from the distractions and aggravations of our everyday lives.  When we are "away from it all," we are able to focus on truly being present and enjoying every moment of our getaway.  We are able to experience fully where we are and how relaxed we feel both physically and mentally.  When we return home, we find ourselves back in the thick of it, our minds twirling with what we need to do next, no longer able to enjoy being where we are.  With some practice and a little effort, however, we can foster our ability to bring that focused, relaxed feeling into our lives everyday by simply taking the time to recreate that vacation state of mind wherever we are.

Most of us hear our alarms each morning and like a good thoroughbred at the starting gate, the bell sounds and we are off to the races.  We dread getting out of bed because what follows is often unpleasant --  yelling at the kids to get up as we rush through our morning routine, hurrying and scurrying to get everyone out the door.   Tomorrow, try something different.  Set your alarm half an hour earlier and enjoy a few minutes of quiet time before the busyness of the day begins.  Stretch your body while taking a few deep breaths, sit for a few minutes just taking some slow deep breaths in quiet meditation while concentrating only on your breathing, enjoy a quiet cup of coffee or tea while taking in the view out the window, or sit outside for a few quiet minutes if the weather is nice.  Notice how good that feels, how peaceful, how vacation-like.   Those wonderful moments of quiet each morning can set you up for a calmer, less stressful and more enjoyable day ahead.  Think of it as a treat for yourself, a little pampering, a chance to center yourself before the busy day begins.   Don’t use that time to go through your “to do” lists, watch the news or check your e-mail.  Instead, use it as a time to really relax and take in the peaceful quiet and stillness of the morning.  You deserve it and the few less minutes of sleep will pay off in a calmer, more peaceful you.

Get your blood pumping and enjoy the outdoors

Too often, we cut out our time to exercise when our day is crammed with meetings, appointments, and a giant “to do” list.   Instead, it is when we are the busiest that we need to carve out some time, whether it is a ten minute walk, a yoga class or a quick jog, to get our blood pumping and the oxygen flowing in our body.  This will increase your energy level and your productivity, which will help you to get all that work done.   Research shows that exercise helps reduce the physical symptoms of stress in the body, which will also help you to feel calmer, better able to focus and be more productive.  One great trick that I often use is to find little ways to get more physical movement into my day, especially when I don't have time for a full workout.  For example, park your car in a spot far away from the store and take a longer walk to the door (rather than circling a few extra times to find the closest spot).  Take the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator.  Walk or ride your bike to your destination instead of taking a cab, bus, subway or car.

You can use this same strategy as an opportunity to spend some time outside where you can enjoy the fresh air and the nature around you.  Many studies have shown that simply being outside, and enjoying nature can bring great physical and psychological benefits to people.  Try not to be preoccupied by your thoughts -- your “to do” list and your schedule.  Rather, take a break from the torrent of thoughts and be fully present in your surroundings.    You may be amazed at how nice that can be and how refreshed you will feel.

Eat Healthy Foods and Get Some Rest

When we are busy, we too often cut out the simple pleasure of eating slowly, joyfully, and healthfully.  We grab what we can on the go, and often that “fast food” is unhealthy food.  In addition, we often reward ourselves when we are stressed with food high in fat and sugar.  Unfortunately, the pleasure we feel from eating these foods doesn’t last long and we soon are left feeling bloated, tired (the crash of the sugar high) and upset with ourselves for eating what we did.  Instead, we need to remember to fuel ourselves with fresh, healthy food that will make us feel good not only for the short time we are eating it, but for the rest of the day.  Eating a healthy and nutritious snack will not only give us the energy that we need to get through the day, but it is something that we can do to nourish our souls by treating ourselves to something that is good for us.  Think of eating healthfully as a way to pamper yourself, to treat yourself with great care by filling your body with what it needs to do all that important work and to feel good while doing it.

In addition to eating well, we need to be sure to get plenty of rest.  When we are on vacation, we often feel like we can sleep for days.  We are simply exhausted from our extremely busy schedules at home.  At home, many of us fall into that caffeine trap of needing that morning and afternoon pick me up to give us the energy to make it through the day.  Often those caffeinated drinks are also loaded with sugar (again a sugar and caffeine high followed by a big crash).   Just be aware that your body is telling you that you need to rest, not drink more caffeine.  A good night sleep can do wonders for your body, mind and spirit!

Connect with Family and Friends

Finally, we need to make time to connect with our families and friends. We need to make a conscious effort to have quality family time when we are home and to connect with those special people in our lives.  This is more important than most, if not all, of the things that we put in the way of that time together.   Most of us have heard about the many studies that show that children who have family meals are much less likely to become involved with drugs and alcohol, have better social skills, better grades, and a closer connection to their family.  Those alone are enough reason to take time out to have a family meal.  But taking the time to connect with your family and friends will have incredibly positive effects on you as well.  It makes you feel loved and connected to those closest to you.

After my wonderful sailing adventure, I realized that we don’t have to live for vacation, to count down until the next opportunity we have to treat ourselves well.  We don't need a vacation to enjoy some quiet time or to create quality time with our family and friends.  We can incorporate a little vacation time into every day and treat ourselves to those simple pleasures that will nourish our minds, our bodies and our spirits.

Give Yourself a Time Out!

The Time Out is a disciplinary tool used by parents to correct bad behavior.  The idea is to send a child to a particular place so that he can think about his bad behavior, or simply feel the consequences of misbehaving by having to sit still, quietly and alone for a few minutes (or what seems like an eternity for a young child).  Yet, a new way to look at the Time Out, is to give our children the opportunity to have some quiet time, in a peaceful place, to regroup and calm down, rather than separating or isolating the child as a form of punishment.  Linda Lantieri, author of Building Emotional Intelligence, Techniques To Cultivate Inner Strength In Children, encourages parents to create a space where a child can have a “time in,” a peaceful place where the child can take a break from whatever may be upsetting him, where he can foster his own ability to calm down, reduce stress, quiet anger or eliminate frustration.  This ability to find that inner peace and quiet when faced with adversity or challenges is an incredibly important skill for our children to develop, and for us to nurture in ourselves as well. As adults, I think we all need to give ourselves a Time Out (or a Time In) at least once a day, not as a form of punishment, but rather as a reward.   In a world full of noises and distractions, it is very difficult to find any quiet time during the day.  Most of us start our days in a great rush, hurrying the kids off to school and rushing to work.  And that is just the beginning.  The frantic pace, noises and distractions just keep coming -- we have iPods playing, radios buzzing, kids screaming, co-workers gabbing, phones ringing, text messages beeping, e-mails blinking, and televisions blaring.  It is no wonder that with all of this external stimulation our minds are racing and unfocused.  We are so busy trying to digest and decipher all of this noise that we often end up irritable, distracted and stressed out.

I remember when my children were little, my house was a cacophony of little voices needing something, Elmo’s World playing on the television, and at least one child crying.  During those days, the peace and quiet of my tiny clothes closet seemed appealing to me as a secret getaway from the noise.  I would think, “Would anyone even notice if I went inside for a few minutes and shut the door?”  The idea of five minutes of peace and quiet sounded quite nice to me, even if it was in my closet.  Back then, even the stillness of my bathroom was a pleasant break, until the pitter patter of little feet entering the bathroom and at least one child demanding my attention, with complete disregard for my need for a minimal amount of privacy, would inevitably turn what is usually considered a very personal space into a public forum for all to enter.  (Oh the joys of motherhood!)

The challenge then, as it is now, is to find that peaceful and quiet space for even a short time each day to gather our thoughts, center ourselves and feel a sense of calm and OK-ness that we all need.  Taking a personal Time Out could mean a quiet walk outdoors, with no cell phone calls or music playing, and simply noticing how still and quiet the trees are.  Connecting to nature offers us an amazing sense of stillness and calm.  It could also mean turning the radio OFF in the car for a few minutes and simply enjoying the calm of a quiet car ride, rather than driving with the music playing or the distraction of disturbing news stories stealing our attention.  Your Time Out could also be closing your office door for five minutes, and simply shutting your eyes and breathing.  Try it and you will see that this simple act of giving yourself a Time Out can break the chain of noise and distraction that seems to build up throughout the day.  It is also very helpful to take a Time Out in the heat of the moment before hitting send on an angry e-mail or before responding unkindly to someone in a manner you might later regret.  In those instances, a little Time Out can be incredibly useful to pause before acting, to collect your thoughts and to settle your emotions.   It is in the quiet and stillness of our Time Out that we can have the opportunity to regroup and reset ourselves, and quiet our minds so that we can continue on with clarity and a sense of calm.  So, tomorrow, Time Outs for everyone!

Your Greatest Legacy

If you want your children to succeed, show them how to fail.

If you want them to be happy,

show them how to be sad.

If you want them to be healthy,

show them how to be sick.

If you want them to have much,

show them how to enjoy little.

Parents who hide failure, deny loss,

and berate themselves for weakness,

have nothing to teach their children.

But parents who reveal themselves,

in all of their humanness,

become heroes.

For children look to these parents

and learn to love themselves.

Parenting need not be a burden,

and one more thing you have to do

and don’t do well enough.

Instead consider your failures,

your sorrows,

your illnesses,

and your difficulties

as your primary teaching opportunities.

- The Parent’s Tao Te Ching

Reset

Yesterday, my computer stopped working.  I was sitting with many different screens open all at one time -- writing, researching, and communicating.   Suddenly, the computer screen completely froze.   The mouse wouId not budge and my heart slowly sank.  I began to panic.  Would I lose all of my work? Were all of my documents, pictures and what feels like the archives of my life gone forever?  I was desperate to save it all, and with no other ideas in mind to resolve the problem, I did what I try not to do at all costs – I called the computer help line.  I usually try to steer clear of calling for help because I so often get even more frustrated by the long waiting times before I can actually speak to a human being on the other end of the line, and because I fear that after a long ordeal on the phone they will conclude that they cannot help me. I decided that I had no other option.  So, I picked up the phone, dialed and was pleasantly surprised to find a very kind and helpful voice on the other end of the line after a not so terribly long wait.  He so gently assured me that he would do his best to help me figure this out.   I thought about how wonderful it was that there was some stranger out there who patiently and happily was willing to help me with my problem.  After going through a myriad of exercises to get my computer out of this frozen mess with no success, the kind gentleman on the other end of the line had one last suggestion.  He asked me to simply unplug my machine and let it rest quietly for a few minutes.  After all that we had tried, and the potentially devastating possibility that my computer was unfixable, was he really serious that the solution could be so simple?  I then remembered a few months back when my cell phone was doing very strange things and I was also told to simply turn the power off for a few minutes – let is rest.  In that case, and I soon found out in this case as well, that five minutes of quiet for my incredibly overloaded and overworked machine did just the trick.  It revved back up after a much needed respite and started up again, good as new.

Just like our laptops, desktops, cell phones, and smartphones, sometimes we just need to reset.  We get overloaded with information, overcome by the demands on our time, confused by the conflicting feelings and emotions running through our brains and overrun by exhaustion and the physical toll that all of this takes on our bodies.  We need to unplug, to reset, to spend a few minutes in quiet and stillness.  Sometimes just focusing on our breath, on how the simple, natural breath feels in our bodies, is just the reset we need to recalibrate.  In doing simple breathing meditations, we find our calm center and peace of mind and body that will help us restart and continue on our path.

It is so important to pay attention to our physical clues as well, which are often less obvious than the complete shut down of a frozen computer screen.  Our bodies have a way of telling us that we need a reset.  Whether it is tension, muscle ache, pain, stomach upset or fatigue, often our bodies are telling us that we are overloaded and that we need a break in our circuitry, a reset.

It amazed me how my computer, which is so complex and has so much power in helping me to create, to communicate and to learn, could benefit from a simple reset.  Just like our bodies and our minds, which are so incredibly complex, and which hold the ultimate power in creativity, learning and love, we all need a little reset once in while to reconnect with ourselves and that inner calmness that we all have inside.  We just need to unplug from the external stimuli for a bit, take a break from the internal chatter of our minds, and reconnect to that calm, peaceful stillness that is deep inside us all.

The man on the other end of the line suggested that I turn my computer off periodically to prevent this overload from happening again.  I am taking his advice.  Great advice for my computer and myself.  So, just turn it all off for a minute or two, or twenty each day.  Avoid the frozen screen and reset.  Simply breathe.   It is amazing what this can do for us all.

How Full Is Your Glass?

Have you ever noticed how many choices we make everyday?  Most of us are incredibly fortunate to live in a world full of choices.  We choose everything from what to eat for breakfast each morning or what clothes we want to wear each day, to what we want to do when we grow up or who we want to marry. On the flip side, we cannot always choose our circumstances.  Whether we are faced with great tragedy or the more mundane happenstances of our daily lives, we often feel like we are the unfortunate victims of life’s unfairness.

An important lesson that I often remind myself, especially when my children complain that something is just not fair, is the unwavering truth that life is not always fair.  I would love to look into their innocent little eyes and tell them that whatever wrong they have felt will somehow magically be made right.  As we all know, this is simply not true and is a lesson that would not serve them well in coping with life’s ups and downs.  I always feel like the bearer of bad news, the one who must deflate that balloon of childhood optimism, when I tell my children that life is not always fair.  Once they accept this to be true, however, things may get a little easier.

It is so important for us to recognize that when life’s unexpected, less than desirable situations come our way, we have a choice.   We can recognize that we may not be able to control our circumstances, but we can control how we choose to react to them.  Our choice is to either look at those bumps in the road as devastating blows that underscore the unfairness of life OR view them as unique opportunities to choose how we want to see the world.

I am not suggesting that we can avoid the pain (physically or emotionally) that may accompany our bumps in the road (or mountains as the case may be).  What I am suggesting is that we must be very careful not to add to that pain by struggling against what is.  Sylvia Boorstein explains this concept beautifully in her book, It’s Easier Than you Think, in which she explains the Buddhist notion that suffering comes from clinging.  She writes, “ [S]uffering is what happens when we struggle with whatever our life experience is rather than accepting and opening to our experience with a wise and compassionate response.”

How often do we say to ourselves or do we hear someone else say, “that’s just my luck” or “my life is just one disappointment after another” or “no one ever listens to me” or “that’s just not fair” or some other similar complaint?   If we convince ourselves that this is our tragic reality, then it becomes our reality through our own ever-narrowing perspective.  This conditioned response can make us feel powerless.  We begin to identify ourselves as the repeated victim of life’s unfairness, but we don’t have to.  We have a choice.  There is tremendous freedom in realizing that we do not have to react as we have become so accustomed to reacting.  We can take a step back and try a new perspective on for size.  Once we recognize that we may not be able to change the situation, we can choose to accept with grace and wisdom what we cannot change and react in a way that will make our lives easier and more joyful.

One very personal example of an incredibly challenging situation in my life is my mother’s recent illness.   The circumstances are what they are.  Life is not always fair.  So, I am faced with a choice.  I can look at her illness and it’s effect on all of us with regret, anger and resentment OR I can choose to take what is, what I cannot change, and look at the opportunities that I have been given.  I choose to let my troubles be my teachers.  As a result, I have learned so much. I have learned to appreciate the incredible gift of good health, the importance of cherishing each moment that I have with those who are special to me, the value in really listening to others, and the joy in simply being fully present for those I love so dearly.

When some days are filled with great challenges and sadness, I choose to focus on those little moments that I have learned to appreciate so much, in which I have found such joy even in the face of very trying circumstances.  I have never enjoyed having a quiet breakfast with my mother more than over the past few months, something we rarely get to do, even if we share those meals in a hospital room.   I have never felt the importance of holding her hand more, as she so often held mine when I needed it.  I have never fully appreciated the power of being able to breathe fully and deeply more than when I watch someone struggling to do just that.  I have never appreciated the sound of my parents’ voices more than when I make that first phone call each morning to find out how they are and am delighted to hear a cheerful, happy voice on the other end of the line wishing me a good morning.  All is right in the world when I hear happiness, optimism and the start of a good day on the other end of the phone.

Would I trade all of these lessons to make her illness go away?  Absolutely!  But I do not have that choice.  I still feel the pain of the situation – the sadness.  However, I try not to add suffering on to that pain by clinging to what I cannot change.  I also feel the incredible power of love, hope and optimism, the feeling that anything is possible.  I choose this perspective – it is the space in which I want to live and hope to share with those around me.  It is a work in progress and a challenging journey, but that’s what life is all about.

So, think for a moment, as you take a deep breath, and consider how you want to act and react to your life’s circumstances – the big and the small situations that you find yourself in everyday.   Embrace the incredible freedom we all have to choose how we want to see the world.  I choose to see my glass as overflowing.  How full is your glass?

The iWant Generation – Finding Happiness in a Material World

As parents, how many times have we heard: “I want the new iPod . . .I want the new iTouch . . . I want the new Wii . . .I want the new Xbox . . .?”  Our children are told by the all-powerful television and the all-knowing internet, about the games, devices, toys and new shows that they absolutely must buy or watch in order to make their lives complete. First, I must confess that I am a huge fan of technology and all things Apple.  Let me also tell you that no one has a more effective marketing strategy than that elegantly simple, plain white silhouette of a fruit.  Yet, there is something inherently disturbing about their underlying message or at least what most of us take away from their marketing strategy.  Can we survive, can we be our very best, can we be happy and complete without the latest and greatest new version of the iWhatever?

Let’s also be honest here, the proverbial apple doesn’t fall from the tree.  It is not just our children who want more, need more and are looking for what will make them truly happy, fulfilled or complete.  As adults, we are continually looking for the next big thing.  What will make us truly happy?

Ah . . .but this is the crux of the problem (and the brilliance of Apple).  We will never find it (happiness, contentment, fulfillment) where they want us to look.  We will continually need to keep looking, keep buying.  Perhaps the marketing team at Apple studied ancient Eastern philosophy?  The human quest for fulfillment has become something like a dog chasing his own tail, always running after that one thing he wants so badly, only to find that the elusive prize is not quite within his reach.

When we look outside ourselves for happiness, we will only identify what we lack.  When we look at what others have, we evaluate ourselves in their light and identify what we don’t have, rather than what we do have.  Deborah Adele said it beautifully in her description of our quest for Contentment:

When we expect the world to meet our needs, we turn outside of ourselves to find sustenance and completion.  We expect our partners to fulfill us, our jobs to meet our needs and success to solve our problems.  And when it doesn’t, we continue to play the “if only” game, looking for that one more thing.  Or we play the “planning” game or the “regretting” game.  We let our contentment be managed by all of these uncontrollable variables.  As long as we think satisfaction comes from an external source, we can never be content.  Looking outside for contentment will always disappoint us and keep contentment one step out of reach. The Yamas and the Niyamas.

So, don’t look to others to make you happy.  Don’t depend upon material things to meet your needs.  That new car, new house, new clothes, new iPhone, will not be the ultimate source of your happiness or the cure-all for whatever it is that you are lacking.  Don’t get me wrong, it is fun to buy things, but try to remember all that you already have.  Everything you need to be happy and complete you already have inside of you.  You just have to reach deep enough and sit quietly enough to find it.

Maybe instead of the iWant Generation, we can teach this lesson to ourselves and to our children, and become the iHave Generation!

2bpresent announces new course: Practical Applications of the Yoga Sutras

Description:

Practical Applications of the Yoga Sutras - A course for experienced meditators (for graduates of Foundations of Meditation or other relevant course work).

Course Description:

In this course we will explore the Yoga Sutras - the most comprehensive exposition of the ancient philosophy of yoga.  How we can use this ancient text to influence our modern lives?   We will explore what the Sutra's say about attachment and aversion, discuss the 8 Limbs of Yoga, discuss the Yama and Niyama's, and  the concept of Samadhi and dharma. Each class will have a lecture and a twenty minute meditation.

For more information and to register for this course, click here.

Simple Step #3 – Slow Down

“Slow down, you move too fast, you’ve got to make this moment last.”  Simon and Garfunkel, Feeling Groovy. After a very special celebration that took months and months of busy preparation, a good friend of mine complained, “I can’t believe it is over so fast!  How do I make time stand still so I can enjoy these important moments?”  I can’t make time stand still, but I do think that the key to making those moments last is to slow down.

In our modern world, we often equate being busy with being important.  If our days are not loaded with constant demands on our time, then we feel we are doing something wrong.  There is a subtle, unspoken pride, a bragging right, in discussing how incredibly busy we are.  We often pack our days and our children’s days with activities, meetings, playdates, after school clubs, tutoring, sports, dinner plans, book clubs, and more.  No time to relax, take a walk, or even talk to each other without being distracted by doing at least one other activity (or more).  We try to jam as much as we can into our daily lives to live a fuller, more meaningful life.  But what if we have it all wrong?  What if the most meaningful moments, the connections, the important stuff is found in those quiet moments, the ones we don’t schedule into our day, the ones that we too often don’t have time for?

I think that the best way to slow down time is to simply slow down.  Clear your busy schedule a bit.  Are you or your children really benefiting from so much activity?   We want to have balanced, joyful, well-adjusted children, yet we don’t give them time to be balanced, joyful or well-adjusted.  We want to be calm, peaceful parents, but we are too busy to be calm or peaceful.

Ask your children what their favorite memories are and they will often mention some little, quiet moment they had that meant the most to them, not the jam packed days filled with endless activities, not the days spent rushing around.  Ask yourself the same question.  What are your most precious moments?   A recent, treasured moment for me was a hike in the woods that I took with my husband and children.  We enjoyed being outside in nature, talking and listening, and not rushing to go anywhere – just finding great pleasure in being where we were.

So, turn off your TVs, cell phones, video games and MP3 players.  Cancel some of those after school activities and meetings.   Make time in your schedule for more time to just be – no plans, nowhere to go.  Instead, go for a walk, read a book, tell your children a story or listen to theirs.  Even in the midst of a hectic, busy day or a special, joyful occasion, take the time to be present in the moment.  Don’t think about what was or what is to come next.  In fact, don’t think at all.  Just feel the energy of right now in your whole body.  Take a pause, a breath, a moment or two.  Slow down and make those moments last.  Those will be the moments that will mean the most.

What is going on in that crazy head of mine?

The most common response I get when I ask someone to join me in a meditation class is, “I could never sit still for 20 minutes to meditate.  My mind never stops racing!”   I completely understand that feeling because I used to feel the same way.   Not long ago, before I began on this journey 2bpresent, I would often complain that I just needed a few minutes of peace and quiet.  But I realized one day that even sitting in a quiet room did not do the trick because much of that “noise” was in my head, not in the room.   Why is it that our minds are constantly racing and what is all that chatter up there? I like to refer to this “chatter” as our inner dialogue.  It is that voice you hear over and over again in your head.  What is your inner voice saying?  Are you planning for the future, organizing your day, worrying about someone or something, judging yourself or someone else, feeling guilty about what you did or did not do, fearing something that might happen,  feeling anxious or annoyed?  I would guess that these thoughts take up a majority of space in our heads every day.

Now, ask yourself, “What benefit am I getting from all of these thoughts?”  Often these thoughts are taking us out of the present moment, and causing us to feel stressed and anxious, but those thoughts are not actually helping us at all.  I was sitting in a course recently when the group leader said that she usually wakes up and immediately begins to plan her day, “First, I need to get the kids dressed and ready for school, get myself ready for work, get everyone fed and where they need to go, get my work done, pick everyone up from school, get them dinner, help them with their homework, and then it is off to bed we go.  I can’t wait until tonight when the day is done. ”  This was all being thought out as she woke up and was getting out of bed.  She explained that she was essentially missing out on the opportunity to enjoy her day because she was so busy planning for it to be over.  There is nothing wrong with planning, but you can lose sight of your journey through your day, if you are more focused on how to arrive at its end.  How often do we all do this – we focus on the goal or the destination in the future so much that we lose the opportunity to enjoy the present moment?

If you become aware of your thoughts, you will find that the majority of those thoughts have to do with some past event or some possible future event (one that may never actually happen at all), not what is happening right now.  If we don’t learn to clear those thoughts, we miss the joy of being truly present in the moment.

Another question you may ask yourself is, “Why do we continue to have these thoughts if they are unpleasant and unproductive?”  If we see a really bad movie, and we are annoyed that we have wasted our time, we don’t go back to the movie theater and watch it over and over again.  Yet, when we have an unpleasant experience (we fight with a friend, get annoyed with someone’s behavior, or miss a business opportunity), we tend to relive that experience over and over again in our heads, each time bringing up the same unpleasant emotions.  Why do we do this?  I think the answer is twofold.

First, it is habit.  We are so used to thinking this way, that we have a hard time just letting go of those thoughts.  Second, we get a bit of a rush, a shot of adrenaline from being upset and this can be addicting.  I think that in this country many of us are adrenaline addicts.  If we are not moving at a rapid pace, worrying, anxious, moving quickly, then we feel we are not really living.  But is this frenetic pace really making us happy, or healthy for that matter?  How do we feel at the end of the day – fulfilled, happy and peaceful OR exhausted and depleted?

Take some quiet moments to look into your own thoughts.  What is going on in your head?  Are you ready for a change?