All New 2bp TV !

Announcing 2bpresent's All New You Tube Channel!

We are thrilled to announce our new You Tube Channel!  In the coming months, we will continue to add new videos explaining the science of mindfulness, the “How To’s” of integrating mindfulness into your life, Mindfulness for Children, and lots of new Guided Meditations and Videos to help you lower stress, improve your focus and concentration, overcome test anxiety, get a better night’s sleep, prepare for that big game, and so much more!  Be sure to sign on to our newsletter to get updates on what’s new and subscribe to 2bp TV.

Perfect Parenting

Let me start by saying there is no such thing as perfect parenting.  Period. Full Stop. Instead, I would say that the only type of parenting is imperfect parenting. I think that we can all agree that we do that quite well.   This is not due to a lack of trying. As parents, we are very busy trying to do the right thing for our children.   We buy parenting books, full of expert advice,  to teach us how to parent better.  I have stacks and stacks of these books lining my bookshelves at home; each offering me loads of advice on how to raise my children. I have attempted to read many of them, but I must admit that I have barely scratched the surface.   I usually get through the first few chapters when I am interrupted by my life -- my children asking me for help with a problem, dinner to cook, a carpool to drive, an argument I need to help settle, or the most challenging of all, my very heavy eyelids refusing to remain open after a busy day. In my long search for answers, I have come across some deeply meaningful ideas that translate into what I consider the keys to parenting. Three qualities of awareness that help me to be less bound to the pages of my parenting books (that I never seem to finish), and free to raise my children from a place of authenticity.  These help me to understand my own values, to do what feels right and to connect to my children in a deep and meaningful way. They are:

(1) Presence. I try very hard to take time to be fully present with my children. I am far from perfect at this, but I am trying.  For example, I have caught myself having breakfast with my precious 9 year-old, unable to recount what I imagine was probably a beautiful story she just told, because I was distracted or too busy in my own head to listen to her.   I have to remind myself to turn off my phone, power down my laptop, clear my thoughts, judgments and analysis, and simply be there, like a sponge, for my child.  It is important to remember that this is not a matter of quantity of time; it is a matter of quality of time. It is about picking your moments and not being afraid to say, “I can’t listen right now, let me finish what I am doing and then I am all yours.” And then doing it. To have a few minutes a day of true listening, paying full attention, is such a gift to you and to your child. No special toys need to be purchased; no elaborate trips need to be taken, just being fully present with your child allows your child to feel felt and to be heard, and gives you the opportunity to connect in a deep and meaningful way.

(2) Understanding. It may seem easy to be present, but to be present with an open mind and an open heart is a much greater challenge. It is acting more like a sponge than a bumper, absorbing and taking in what your child is doing, saying, feeling and thinking, rather than diverting or invalidating their thoughts and feelings. For example, when a child says, “You never listen to me.” It is refraining from saying, “Yes I do. I always listen to you.” And, instead, understanding that your child doesn’t feel listened to. It means seeing things from your child’s point of view, putting yourself in your child’s shoes. In doing this, you not only validate their feelings and experiences, but you can also better understand what your child needs from you and how you can best serve your child.

(3) Acceptance.   Our willingness to recognize and accept our children’s thoughts and feelings enables us to see our children for who they really are, and not who we want them to be. It also allows us as parents to see ourselves the way we really are and not the way we wish to be.   This acceptance fosters self-confidence, safety and comfort in children and in parents. It releases us from the cycle of disappointment after failing to meet unrealistic expectations, and allows us the freedom to embrace what is, who we are and who our children are, and all the possibilities that come from that very real place.

The challenges of parenting are constantly changing. We have to be able to be present for the laughter and joy, and face the fear and uncertainty as they come. The best we can do is parent from a place of love and not fear, and acknowledge that we are doing the best that we can.

New Fall Evening Mindfulness Class: Finding Real Happiness

What if you could be more peaceful with yourself, those around you and your world? Join us on a journey to finding real happiness as we explore meditation and mindfulness, and learn how to incorporate them into our everyday lives. Mindfulness can help you lower your levels of stress, stay focused and calm, and live your life with a greater sense of ease and happiness.

This course is an introduction to the fundamentals of mindfulness and meditation, and will help you gain a deeper understanding of these practices.

Join us for contemplation, meditation and action-based exercises. This is a five week class. We will meet for one hour each week.

Evening Class Dates & Time: 10/8, 10/15, 10/22, 10/29 and 11/5 from 7 pm to 8 pm.

Investment: $195

Location: Groove, 108 Chatsworth Avenue, Larchmont, New York.

THIS CLASS IS NO LONGER ACCEPTING REGISTRATIONS

About the Instructor . . .

Cheryl Brause is the Co-Founder of 2bpresent. She has practiced meditation and mindfulness for many years, and has worked in the field of teaching mindfulness meditation for the past four years to adults, teens and children. Cheryl has studied meditation and mindfulness under with many leaders in the field. She has completed her Level I and II Meditation Teacher Training from Om Yoga. She is trained in Learning to BREATHE - a mindfulness curriculum for adolescents, and completed her K-12 Mindful Schools Curriculum Training. Cheryl teaches mindfulness and meditation privately to children, teens and adults. She has also created and taught programs in our community to train teachers and students in stress reduction techniques and mindfulness tools to help them thrive.

What people are saying about 2bpresent classes and workshops. . .

"Every now and then you come across a class or a person who helps you to be a better person. Cheryl offers just that. I am a better person because of all the things that I have learned- I am a better spouse, a better mother, a better friend, a better co-worker, and actually even more compassionate with myself. And what’s the best part? That I got all this by simply learning how to slow down and calm down. I will be forever grateful!

Taking the beginning meditation class is the single most important thing I have done for myself in the last decade. I can honestly say that my family and I are all happier because of my taking this one step to learn how to be calmer and more mindful." - Psychologist, mother and participant in Real Happiness and Mindful Living

"Cheryl's class taught me not only how to meditate, but how to incorporate mindfulness into everything that I do. Cheryl is extremely knowledgable about the practice of mindfulness and has a teaching style that is very easy to understand and accessible. It was a truly life changing experience. I can't wait for my next class!" - MBA, mother, participant in Mindful Living

"I took Cheryl’s mindfulness class last spring and the effects have stayed with me. The tools and techniques she showed the class were fun and easy to use and the discussion really brought everything down to a real level that can be applied. Cheryl has a unique way of speaking about mindfulness that is very insightful and practical. I thoroughly enjoyed the class and would highly recommend it!" - Organizational Development Consultant, mother, participant in Mindful Living

Building Self Esteem - A Mindful Parenting Exercise

Mindful Parenting Exercise:

The lesson that we are enough just as we are is such an important lesson to teach our children and to remind ourselves, as they struggle to figure out who they are and who they want to be.  Adolescence, in particular, is a time when children are constantly judging themselves by comparing themselves to others or their own view of who they think they should be.  We live in an age where children quantify their own worth by how many friends they have on Facebook or how many likes they have on Instagram.  As parents, we need to encourage our children to look inside themselves to discover their own inherent worth and inner strength.  We can do this by praising our children’s acts of love, compassion and kindness, and their willingness to try and take risks, rather than praising only their accomplishments.  In doing so, we teach them to value the strength of their character rather than value only their achievements.

Exercise #1:

Try the following exercise at home with your kids. At dinner, ask each person at the table to take a piece of paper and write down five things that they love about themselves.   Emphasize that these are for their eyes only.   See what happens.   It is interesting to see how easy or how difficult this can be.  Parents should participate as well.  There are no right or wrong answers and there is no need to share.  This is simply an exercise to get people to acknowledge their strengths and foster a positive self-image.  Younger children may find this easy and may ask if they can list more than five things.  It is the teenagers and adults who may have difficulty making this list. Encourage everyone to participate and take pride in the fact that they love things about themselves.  Another variation that might be easier for some, is to make a list of what they did well that day, something(s) they can be proud of.

 Exercise #2:

Another wonderful family dinner exercise is to go around the table and have each person say something that they love about another family member. It can be as simple as loving the way someone laughs, loving the way they are tucked in each night, or loving the silly faces someone makes.  Continue around the table as many times as you want, each time having one person speak about a different person at the table.  This may foster some laughs, some love and some real boosts in self-esteem.  It is also a practice in gratitude by recognizing the little things that others do each day that make us happy.

Be Where You Are

A recent  New York Times article  and YouTube video I Forgot My Phone left me wondering, how much of life are we missing out on when we are constantly turning our attention to that little screen?  How often are we truly present where we are?  Our minds are usually taking us elsewhere --- wandering back into our past or worrying about the future.   It is a challenge for us to reign in our active minds and be fully present where we are.  Now, with the help of technology, it has become easier and easier to be where we are not.   We don't need the torrent of our thoughts to take us elsewhere, we have the help of our smartphones to whisk us away. How often do we feel a slight moment of boredom and immediately jump on our smartphones to avoid that brief moment of mental stillness?  Instead of enjoying a momentary quiet interlude, we immediately look up the latest news stories, check in to see what our friends are doing on Facebook, or reply to our endless stream of emails.   How often do we "leave" the people we are with to chat with, Instagram, or email those who are somewhere else?  I am all for keeping in touch and social media is a wonderful way to stay connected, but I think it is important to remind ourselves and our children that we need to enjoy where we are and who we are with by resisting that ever present temptation to jump into the electronic cyberworld of being elsewhere.

How often have you been in a restaurant and watched a family eating "together" -- one child watching a DVD, a teenager texting friends and parents checking their email?  Are they really enjoying each other's company or merely occupying space next to one another while engaging with someone or something elsewhere?   The average teenager writes over 3,000 texts per month. With the soaring popularity of other forms of social media, their options are vast to live in a virtual world of communicating with a screen instead of with the people next to them.   I wonder if our children are learning the art of conversation or merely mastering the art of internet slang?  Will they learn to use their imagination and creativity in the face of a moment of boredom or merely power on when they want to disengage ?  Do they know how to connect through eye contact or just through Instagram?   Imagine what they could do with all of the time they spend on their smartphones and all that they are missing right in front of them.

As parents, we spend so much time teaching our children how to be "safe" online, and are so preoccupied with checking in on their internet conversations,  that we may be missing the greater lesson of teaching them to simply power off.  When they are unplugged and not constantly distracted,  perhaps we can teach them the importance of making face to face human connections -- how to make polite conversation, use eye contact, be a good listener.  These are the elements of creating real human connections that I hope will not be lost on the next generation.  In addition, we all suffer from the affects of our constant multi-tasking -- lack of focus, inability to concentrate, uncontrollable mind wandering.  In our distracted and fractured culture, where we are all wired up and constantly interupted by the beeps of our electronic devices, perhaps powering off will be the best lesson of all for our children's mental and emotional well being.

Do people really need to see the dessert I am eating on vacation or an artistic picture of my shoe or one more "selfie"?   Will the world end if I don't respond to an email in the middle of a dinner conversation?   Am I really enjoying the concert when I am preoccupied with taking a video of it to show everyone afterwards?

So, let's try to be where we are and enjoy who we are with.  It is those moments in which we are truly present that are our most precious and most meaningful moments of all.

Mindful Parenting Group

Join the Larchmont-Mamaroneck Community Counseling Center and 2bpresent for a

Mindful Parenting Group

for parents of middle school children

Five Sessions on Wednesday evenings

1/30, 2/6, 2/13, 2/27, and 3/6

7:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

at the Larchmont-Mamaroneck Community Counseling Center

234 Stanley Avenue, Mamaroneck, NY

Cost: $250*

What is a Mindful Parenting Group?

The Mindful Parenting Group will combine the benefits of learning to develop a mindfulness practice with parenting support and education.  Led by two experienced meditation and mindfulness practitioners and a psychologist, the goal of this group will be to help you bring calm, clarity, wisdom and joy into your daily life.  It is the practice of using self-awareness to know how to slow down, think, and make decisions that will help both parent and child live with greater ease and happiness.

Benefits of Mindful Parenting:

• Understanding our own stress reactions
• Increasing calm and stability in ourselves and our children
• Fostering a greater connection between parent and child
• Increasing attention, focus and concentration
• Enriched appreciation of the ordinary moments of life
• Learning to listen with kindness to ourselves and our children

To register for this group, email us at mindfulparenting123@gmail.com.  Space is limited.

*contact the LMCCC/Dr. Alan Dienstag at (698-7549) to request an adjustment if fee is a barrier to participation

Teachable Moments in the Eye of the Storm

Hurricane Sandy was a massive storm that caused great devastation and loss of life along the Northeastern United States.  My prayers go out to all of those who lost so much in the storm.  Having lived through it with my children, and having been incredibly fortunate not to have been severely impacted by its wrath, I now have the opportunity to reflect on the many teachable moments Sandy has provided me and my children.  Here are a few of the things that we were reminded of this past week in the aftermath of a superstorm.

Lesson Number One: Less is More

In the hours before the storm hit, my family and I rushed to remove all the items from our basement to protect them from being destroyed by the expected ten to fifteen foot tidal surge that would soon sweep through our community.  Living only minutes from the Long Island Sound, and having a tidal estuary in our backyard, we had good reason to fear that our property might be inundated by the salty waters that Sandy would send our way.

As my family raced to bring all of our belongings from our basement up the stairs to areas we hoped would be spared, I took a moment to evaluate the situation.  What was all this “stuff” that we were moving around?  If the waves rolled in and completely ruined all of these items, would my life be greatly impacted?  I realized then, that none of this “stuff” really mattered.  All that really mattered was the safety of the people helping to move all that stuff upstairs.  As long as they were safe, the rest was all either replaceable or simply unnecessary.  So the first teachable moment for me was the opportunity to take a good look at all the things that we have, to recognize how unimportant most of those things really are, and to focus on what really matters.

We spend so much of our time, working so hard to accumulate things - new clothes, a new car, new furniture, new toys, a bigger house.  Do those things really improve our quality of life?  Is all of that stuff really so important?  Is it important enough to justify  the amount of time we spend trying to get more of it?   Perhaps constantly adding to our  "stuff" diminishes the value of each item and teaches our children the wrong message, that each item is only valuable and useful until we are able to find its newer, and more exciting replacement.

As I was hauling all this "stuff" up the stairs, I  was struck with the realization that if everything were to get flooded in that space, it is not the items that I would miss most.  It is the space itself that provided us the opportunity  to have fun, to learn, to be together and to create great memories, that is what we do in our homes (no matter how big or small, full or empty),  and those experiences cannot be destroyed even by a superstorm.

The tidal surge came and went and the flood waters filled our street.  We returned to our home the next day to assess the damage.   As we approached the lowest elevation point on our street, we had to walk knee deep through the cold salty water to get to our home.  The water was slowly receding, and as we approached our home, we realized that we were incredibly lucky.   The water had reached our garage but did not find its way into our home.  Many of our neighbors were not as lucky.

As I looked at the piles of "stuff" now upstairs untouched by the flood, I decided to pack much of it up, along with many other items from around the house, and put everything in boxes to donate.  Perhaps someone else, someone who lost so much in the storm, or others who had so little before the storm would be happy to have some.

Lesson Number Two: We are all in this together.

After realizing the great devastation and loss that many are experiencing after the storm,  people are mobilizing in great numbers to help those in need.  This sense of connection, kindness and compassion was also palpable in the days and hours before and during the storm.   There seemed to be a feeling in the air that we were all in this together, whatever may come.

This strong sense of interconnection was in stark contrast to how we live our normal, busy everyday lives.  Usually, we are so focused on meeting our own needs and the needs of our families, that we forget how wonderful it is to connect to those around us.  This incredible weather event connected so many people in so many ways.  It was not just the opportunity to donate to the hurricane relief efforts after the storm, it was also the numerous phone calls from friends and family in other parts of the country reaching out to check in to see if we were safe.  It was the caring conversations with total strangers in the grocery line in the hours before the storm, reassuring one another that it would be OK and making suggestions on what we might need in the days to come.  It was the endless e-mails from friends and neighbors asking who lost power, who needed a warm place to stay, who needed food, and following up with offers to help.

This was such a wonderful reminder that we all face challenges in our lives and we can get through those challenges with greater ease if we show kindness and compassion to one another.  Although we live in a western world in which we are often focused on “me” and “mine,” it was so nice to see that in times of great need, people were focused on “you” and “yours” or on “us.”  We saw first hand how much richer life is when everyone cares a bit more for one another.

Lesson Number Three - If Given the Choice to Laugh or to Cry, Choose to Laugh!

The night of the storm, we decided to leave our house out of concern for our safety and spend the night in a home nearby with 25 friends and family members.  In the midst of the storm we gathered.  We played cards, listened to the news and laughed a bit at the situation we were in.  At the time, I was fascinated by the storm and the potentially devastating impact that it would have on people’s lives.  So, the laughter that night at first seemed a bit inappropriate.  However, I soon realized that there was nothing any of us could do at the time, other than what we were doing.  We had a choice.  We could tremble with fear and worry in anticipation of what might be, or we could chose to sit tight, recognize that we were safe and make the best of our current situation.  This is so often our choice in life when circumstances arise that are beyond our control.  When given the choice to laugh or to cry when life gets challenging, always chose to laugh, and that is what we did.

There were many opportunities to make the best of a bad situation in the days that followed.  When we returned home, large hundred-year-old trees had fallen in our yard.  We were in awe of their grandeur and of the massive root systems that towered over us as they lay sadly on their sides, permanently uprooted.  As children so often do, my children saw the fun and found the joy in this new situation and decided to climb up on the now horizontal trunks and delighted in the giant bridges the trees now made across our yard.  They played in the enormous holes in the ground left behind by the now uprooted giants.  They splashed through the waters that flooded our streets and explored their new surroundings with awe and with laughter.

We saw first hand, on television, in the news and in our own community, the devastation that this storm brought to so many people’s lives, but in the midst of those struggles that often cause tears, it was so wonderful to be able to laugh a bit at the absurdity of it all and find great joy in the fact that we are here, that we all came together to face the storm, and that we are incredibly grateful for all that we have, most of which a storm could never take away.

Children’s Body Scan Meditation

Let’s begin by lying down in a comfortable position on the floor, with your arms resting gently on the ground, and your eyes closed.  Feel the weight of your body as it rests on the earth.  Feel the earth supporting you. Feel your feet resting firmly on the ground.  Pretend that you are an ice cream cone on a hot summer day and simply melt into the ground.  Rest your attention only on the sound of my voice.  Let all of the other sounds in the room fade away.  

I am going to lead you on a scan of your body as a way of getting centered and relaxed - a reminder that you can be at home and at peace in your own body.

Start by settling your attention on your feet.  Feel the weight of your feet as they rest on the earth.  Notice the position of your feet, the sensations inside the feet, travel along the bottom and tops of your feet to your toes.  Just notice what you feel there. . . . Notice each toe and move your attention from toe to toe noticing how they feel.  Notice the space between the toes.

Now bring your attention to the tops of your feet and then to your ankles.  Bring your attention up your shins and around to your calves.  Notice how the backs of your legs feel.  Now, bring your attention to your knees, the front of your knees and the back of your knees.  Notice how they feel.

Bring your attention to your thighs, the front of your thighs and the back of your thighs.  Now move your attention up to your hips and see what sensations you feel there.  Notice how your lower back is resting on the earth.

Move your attention to the back body, to the lower back, to the mid back, to your shoulder blades. You may feel stiffness or tension, whatever you encounter, simply notice it.

Keep moving your attention around to the front of your body, to your abdomen and rib cage.  Notice how that feels as you inhale and exhale.  Slowly move your awareness to your chest, noticing any sensations you find there. Notice the lungs themselves, as you breathe . . . Does the breath reach into all areas of the lungs?  Notice the heart itself, and the sensations and movements within the heart.  Notice how it feels.  .  .

Move your attention back to the tops of your shoulders.  Slowly move your awareness down the upper arms, feeling your elbows, your forearms. Let your attention rest for a moment on your hands - the palms of your hands . . . the backs of your hands. See if you can feel each separate finger, each fingertip. . . .

Slowly move your attention back up to the top of the hands, back up the arms to your shoulders and neck.  Notice your neck and your throat.  Notice any tension or tightness . . . notice the feeling of breath as it passes in and out with ease.

Bring your awareness slowly up to the front of your face. Be aware of what you encounter. Tightness, relaxation, pressure. Turn your attention to your eyes as they gaze inward, and feel the weight of your eyelids as they rest over your eyes  . . . Move your attention to your nose.  Notice the feeling of air as it passes through your nostrils.  Is it warm or cool?  Feel your cheeks and your jaw.  Is your jaw clenched or loose? Just notice what you are feeling and continue to breath through these sensations. . . .Feel your mouth, your teeth, your lips, the light pressure of skin on skin, softness, coolness.

Bring your attention to the back of the head, over the curve of your skull, notice your ears as they buffer the sounds of the room.  Now, bring your attention to the top of your head and simply feel whatever sensations are there—tingling, pulsing or the absence of sensation.

Now bring your body as a whole into your awareness, and take a moment to scan through your entire body.  Allow your breath to become more full, taking a few deep breaths.  . .

As you end the meditation see if you can continue to feel the world of sensations and all of its changes, moment by moment, as you move into the activities of your day.

Gently and gradually regain awareness of your surroundings.  When you feel ready, open your eyes.

Guided Meditation – Going Somewhere Peaceful

We are going to go on a little trip right now.  Like tele-transporting us to another place and another time.  

Gently close your eyes.  Relax your body.  Take a few deep breaths.  Breath in for 5 slowly, then out for 5 slowly.

Now, think of your favorite place to be in the whole wide world.  Take a moment to think about a place where you love to be, where you feel a deep sense of peace and calm.

It can be a beach, on a mountain, in your bed, anywhere you feel really safe and calm, and completely relaxed.  Somewhere you love to be.

It may be somewhere you have been recently or a while ago.

Once you have chosen your favorite place, imagine yourself there right now. (pause for ten seconds)

Notice how you feel in this place. (pause)

Look around and notice what you see.  (pause)

Notice the colors and the shapes of things around you.  (pause)

Notice if you hear any sounds . . . any smells . . . (pause)

Are you standing, sitting or lying down?

How does it feel . . .notice what your hands are touching and how it feels . . . Notice how you feel in this special place . . .

Slowly come back into the room and open your eyes.

How did your body feel when you are in that place?  You can go visit that place any time.  Enjoy!

Children’s Core Breathing Meditation

Find a comfortable position either sitting or lying down.  If you are sitting, sit with your spine straight, your shoulders relaxed, your feet resting gently on the ground and your hands resting comfortably on your lap.  If you are lying down, feel the weight of your body resting gently on the earth and melt into the ground.  When you are ready, you can gently close your eyes or gently soften your gaze downward. You may hear sounds in the room, just hear them.  Simply listen to them.

Now bring your attention to your breath.  Take a few deep breaths.   Take a deep breath in and release a deep breath out.  As you breathe, feel your chest and your belly filling with air and rising.  As you exhale, feel your chest and belly falling.

Now, breathe normally.  As you breathe normally, notice where you feel your breath in your body.   Is it in your nostrils?  Your lungs?  Your abdomen?  Simply feel it, one breath at a time.

(pause and allow the child time to experiment with this feeling)

You may find your mind wondering a bit.  When you notice that you have forgotten about your breath, simply bring your attention back to the feeling of your breath.

Remember that there is no right or wrong way to do this.

Simply bring your attention back to your breath and breathe normally.  Continue to pay attention to where you feel your breath in your body.

How does it feel as it enters your body?

How does it feel as it fills your body?

How does it feel as it leaves your body?

Don’t try to control the breath.  Don’t do anything to it.  Just be aware of your normal, natural breath.  See if you can be aware of the beginning of each inhale . . . The feeling between your inhale and your exhale. . .the feeling of each exhale.

See if you can feel the beginning of your exhale.  Feel the rising and the falling, the in and the out.

You may get distracted.  It’s OK.  Simply return your attention to the feeling of your breath.

(You can pause or repeat these instructions as you feel is appropriate with your child and adjust the length of the meditation accordingly.)

Now, feel your body on the chair or on the ground.  Feel the earth beneath you.  Feel your feet touch the ground, your hands resting gently on your legs or on the earth.

Simply be here.  In this quiet moment.

As we end our meditation, you can bring your attention back to any sounds in the room.  You can slowly wiggle your hands and your feet. When you are ready you can gently open your eyes.

12 Exercises for Mindful Parenting

We all know that parenting can be a challenge.  Many of us have undergraduate and advanced degrees and have continued our professional training, but it is rare to find a course in what is arguably our most important job - parenting.  So, we at 2bpresent, hope to pass on to you any helpful bits of advice that we find along our journey on how to become a better parent.  In the book, Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Myla Kabat-Zinn and Jon Kabat-Zinn offer the following exercises that are wonderful tools to make our jobs as parents a bit easier and, perhaps a bit more rewarding and fulfilling, even at the most difficult moments.

12 Exercises for Mindful Parenting:

1. Try to imagine the world from your child's point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.
2. Imagine how you appear and sound from your child's point of view, i.e., having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, and what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?
3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. See if you can stay mindful of their sovereignty from moment to moment, and work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.
4. Be mindful of your expectations of your children and consider whether they are truly in your child's best interest. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.
5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn't some common ground, where your true needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.
6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still and meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking, even good thinking, and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what needs to be done. If that is not clear in any moment, maybe the best thing is to not do anything until it becomes clearer. Sometimes it is good to remain silent.
7. Try embodying silent presence. This will grow out of both formal and informal mindfulness practice over time if you attend to how you carry yourself and what you project in body, mind, and speech. Listen carefully.
8. Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. In Zen and the Art of Archery, Herrigel describes how he was taught to stand at the point of highest tension effortlessly without shooting the arrow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots itself. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. Simply bring your full awareness and presence to this moment. Practice seeing that whatever comes up is "workable" if you are willing to trust your intuition. Your child needs you to be a center of balance and trustworthiness, a reliable landmark by which he or she can take a bearing within his or her own landscape. Arrow and target need each other. They will find each other best through wise attention and patience.
9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing. An apology demonstrates that you have thought about a situation and have come to see it more clearly, or perhaps more from your child's point of view. But be mindful of being "sorry" too often. It loses its meaning if you are always saying it, making regret into a habit. Then it can become a way not to take responsibility for your actions. Cooking in remorse on occasion is a good meditation. Don't shut off the stove until the meal is ready.
10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.
11. There are important times when we need to be clear and strong and unequivocal with children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness, generosity, and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid, domineering, and controlling.
12. The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and awareness. This ongoing work can be furthered by making a time for quiet contemplation in whatever ways feel comfortable to us. We only have right now. Let us use it to its best advantage, for our children's sake, and for our own.

Excerpted from Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla Kabat-Zinn and Jon Kabat-Zinn.

The Journey is the Reward

During this crazy time of "re-entry" into our "back to school" schedules, the relaxation of summer vacation seems to fade quickly into the stress of school, the pressures of work, and the chaos of our busy lives.   It is often helpful (and often necessary) to pause and refocus a bit to get a healthier sense of what in the world we are doing all of this running around for.  By looking at some age-old words of wisdom we can put things in perspective.  So, let’s take a deep breath, chant "Om" and think for a moment about the ancient Chinese proverb, "The journey is the reward." Often, we get so caught up in how to get to where we want to go that we fail to learn from and enjoy all that life has to offer us along the way.  It is helpful to remember that it is not our destination that really matters in the end, but how we got there. We may never even reach that particular destination and end up somewhere else entirely.   Wherever our path may lead, it is in our travels along the way where the real living, loving and learning happens.  Sure, goals are important, but it is the bumps in the road, the flat tires, the wonderful downhills and the surprises along the way that make the journey so valuable and the destination that much more rewarding once it is reached.

It is helpful to remember this as parents, as we race our children off to school, then get them from school to their music lessons or team practices, all while trying to get a healthy dinner served sometime in between and homework done before bedtime.  When feeling frustrated by all the running around that we do, we can’t help but ask ourselves, what is the point of all of this?  In those instances, remember that is not the goal of becoming a concert musician or a professional athlete that really matters.  (The reality is that few of our children will become professional musicians or athletes.)   Rather, it is the incredible experiences that they are so fortunate to have and that we are blessed to be able to provide for them, that enrich their lives so deeply.  It is the practice and discipline in doing these activities, the great knowledge they gain from their interaction with their teachers, coaches, teammates and friends, the ability to overcome their fears, the perseverance they learn from trying again and again, the joy in lending or receiving a helping hand, and the feeling of satisfaction they get when they know they have done their best and that they are loved no matter what the outcome, this is their journey and their reward.

Similarly, as parents, we must remind ourselves that it is not just setting goals and achieving them that matters most in life.  If we are always looking for our reward in the achievement of our own goals or in the goals that we have set for our children, we may find that reward elusive.  The real challenge (and joy) comes in knowing when to lead and when to follow along on the path, in getting to know your child and in being there for them along the way, wherever their path may lead them.  That is the real goal in parenting.  Simply being present for a child on the long car ride home after a disappointing game, lending a shoulder to cry on when things don't go well at school, listening with an open heart when there is something on their minds, laughing out loud together, filling with pride when watching your child's achievements, these are the rewards of parenting, this is our journey.  Learning to appreciate these precious moments as they come and being present for them is an incredible gift to both parent and child.

It is also important to remember that there is great value in doing nothing at all – no plans, no running around – in trying not  to do so much, but rather in just being.  If you think of your life as a kayak trip, there are times when you need to paddle , times when the current will push you in directions you never intended to go, and times when you need to be still, rest, and simply take in all the beauty around you.  Most important is to enjoy the ride, wherever your destination may be.

Back to Reality

It's been a glorious summer for us at 2bpresent.  We took time from the normal school year schedule and lived weeks in a very unstructured unscheduled manner.  As we are now in August, we have been struck by the reality of returning to a school and life schedule that is drastically different from the way we have lived for several weeks now.  In pondering this shift that is going to have to take place the following lyrics from En Vogue seemed apropos to share with all of you. Back to life, back to reality.  Back to the here and now, yeah.  Show me how, decide what you want from me.  Tell me maybe I could be there for you. However do you want me? However do you need me?  How, however do you want me?  However do you need me? Back to life,  back to the present time.  Back from a fantasy, yeah. Tell me now, take the initiative. I'll leave it in your hands until you're ready... Summer is a break from the reality of the hectic schedules that we have during the school year.  People asking of us and us pouring ourselves out to those we love and the causes that we support.  We are wanted and needed and needed and wanted 24/7.  By breaking from that for summer we are able to refuel and come back recharged.  The transitions from one to another are not without anxiety for us or for our children.  For our children they have shifted from school schedules to summer (camp or unstructured chill time) and now what they focused on so much is coming to a close and the hectic school schedules that they have are approaching them once again.   Can we incorporate the best of what they love from the summer into their normal school year schedule?  Can we put a little less on all of our plates this year and have more time to just be together as a family?  Will they miss something if they aren't as busy?  Will we?

September also coincides with a climatic shift as the sweltering warm days start to turn cooler.  We go from shedding clothes to adding layers to stay warn.  As we look toward this transition, can we add mindfulness and meditation into the layers we wrap ourselves in?  Incorporating a mindful practice into the way we interact with those we love the most and those who we just barely touch.  Mindfulness can make those shifts be they seasonal or from summer back to school smoother and easier for ourselves and our families.

If you are interested in learning more about beginning a practice of mindfulness and meditation, please join us as we once again journey to find Real Happiness following the work of Sharon Salzberg and other experts in this field.  Click here for more information on this upcoming course and on our event hosting Sharon Salzberg in our community.

Give Yourself a Time Out!

The Time Out is a disciplinary tool used by parents to correct bad behavior.  The idea is to send a child to a particular place so that he can think about his bad behavior, or simply feel the consequences of misbehaving by having to sit still, quietly and alone for a few minutes (or what seems like an eternity for a young child).  Yet, a new way to look at the Time Out, is to give our children the opportunity to have some quiet time, in a peaceful place, to regroup and calm down, rather than separating or isolating the child as a form of punishment.  Linda Lantieri, author of Building Emotional Intelligence, Techniques To Cultivate Inner Strength In Children, encourages parents to create a space where a child can have a “time in,” a peaceful place where the child can take a break from whatever may be upsetting him, where he can foster his own ability to calm down, reduce stress, quiet anger or eliminate frustration.  This ability to find that inner peace and quiet when faced with adversity or challenges is an incredibly important skill for our children to develop, and for us to nurture in ourselves as well. As adults, I think we all need to give ourselves a Time Out (or a Time In) at least once a day, not as a form of punishment, but rather as a reward.   In a world full of noises and distractions, it is very difficult to find any quiet time during the day.  Most of us start our days in a great rush, hurrying the kids off to school and rushing to work.  And that is just the beginning.  The frantic pace, noises and distractions just keep coming -- we have iPods playing, radios buzzing, kids screaming, co-workers gabbing, phones ringing, text messages beeping, e-mails blinking, and televisions blaring.  It is no wonder that with all of this external stimulation our minds are racing and unfocused.  We are so busy trying to digest and decipher all of this noise that we often end up irritable, distracted and stressed out.

I remember when my children were little, my house was a cacophony of little voices needing something, Elmo’s World playing on the television, and at least one child crying.  During those days, the peace and quiet of my tiny clothes closet seemed appealing to me as a secret getaway from the noise.  I would think, “Would anyone even notice if I went inside for a few minutes and shut the door?”  The idea of five minutes of peace and quiet sounded quite nice to me, even if it was in my closet.  Back then, even the stillness of my bathroom was a pleasant break, until the pitter patter of little feet entering the bathroom and at least one child demanding my attention, with complete disregard for my need for a minimal amount of privacy, would inevitably turn what is usually considered a very personal space into a public forum for all to enter.  (Oh the joys of motherhood!)

The challenge then, as it is now, is to find that peaceful and quiet space for even a short time each day to gather our thoughts, center ourselves and feel a sense of calm and OK-ness that we all need.  Taking a personal Time Out could mean a quiet walk outdoors, with no cell phone calls or music playing, and simply noticing how still and quiet the trees are.  Connecting to nature offers us an amazing sense of stillness and calm.  It could also mean turning the radio OFF in the car for a few minutes and simply enjoying the calm of a quiet car ride, rather than driving with the music playing or the distraction of disturbing news stories stealing our attention.  Your Time Out could also be closing your office door for five minutes, and simply shutting your eyes and breathing.  Try it and you will see that this simple act of giving yourself a Time Out can break the chain of noise and distraction that seems to build up throughout the day.  It is also very helpful to take a Time Out in the heat of the moment before hitting send on an angry e-mail or before responding unkindly to someone in a manner you might later regret.  In those instances, a little Time Out can be incredibly useful to pause before acting, to collect your thoughts and to settle your emotions.   It is in the quiet and stillness of our Time Out that we can have the opportunity to regroup and reset ourselves, and quiet our minds so that we can continue on with clarity and a sense of calm.  So, tomorrow, Time Outs for everyone!

Our Greatest Teachers

I had always imagined that I would one day be a wise old lady, imparting profound words of wisdom about life and teaching my children how to navigate through it.   After twelve years of motherhood, I now realize that I have learned more from my children than I ever could have imagined.  They have become my greatest teachers.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I did whatever I could to learn about the big job ahead of me – motherhood.   I took Lamaze classes and bought all of the latest books on pregnancy, sleep training, parenting philosophies and childhood illnesses.  After many months of preparation, I went to what would be my last OBGYN appointment only to learn that the baby had flipped himself to a breach position and that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.  I would need a c-section the next day.   At that moment, all of my planning and preparation for the way I wanted this birth to happen was down the tubes – no Lamaze breathing, no natural childbirth, no week to finish work and prepare for his arrival.

Similarly, after he arrived, all of my plans to mold and shape this little bundle of joy into a well-scheduled, sleep-through-the-night baby were also quickly forgotten.  No feeding schedules, no regular nighttime routines, no sleeping through the night were in our future.  Up to this point in my life, I worked hard in school and got good grades, worked hard in my job and got good performance reviews, and worked hard to keep my life well-planned, setting goals for myself and achieving them.  But this new role, motherhood, was going to be different.  The first lesson that I learned from my son was that despite my best efforts and best-laid plans, I was not in control.

The next lesson came quickly as well.   Much to my surprise, I learned that my role as a mom was not to shape and mold my children into the people I wanted them to be.  Instead, I would have a much different, more passive role in their development.   I have learned that my job is to love and nurture them, keep them safe from harm and simply watch them grow.  Parenting is like planting a garden.  We can water our plants to help them grow, add fertilizer to make them strong, and put them in the sunlight to help them thrive, all while trying to protect them from the dangers of hungry birds, animals and insects, but we cannot determine what type of plant will grow.  That is up to the seed itself.

Then came the most intriguing lesson of all.  My children are chock-full of great insight and wisdom.  All I have to do is be sure to listen.  When my son was four years old, he would cry and cling to my legs each morning at drop off, pleading not to leave him.  This routine broke my heart every day, until one day he looked into my eyes while I was giving him one last tight hug good-bye before the tears would begin to flow, and he said, “I’m OK mommy.  Just go.”  It was then that I realized through his simple, but incredibly insightful words that it was me who was having a difficult time letting him go and that he would be OK without me.

These words of wisdom from our children are everywhere if we just pay attention to them.  One rainy morning, on our way to school, I remarked to my children, “What a yukky day!”  My littlest child quickly replied, “It’s not yukky, it’s just raining.”  I have never looked at a rainy day quite the same since then.

More recently, my seven year old asked me if her Nana would be OK after she was diagnosed with cancer.  I replied, “I certainly hope so.”  My son then piped in, “You know that you can get very sick from even a common cold.”   To which my youngest child thought for a moment and then said, “Oh . . . (pause)  . . . what’s for lunch?”  This may sound like a silly conversation, but I found it to be quite profound.   As I listened to this exchange, I thought to myself, what a great way to look at life – to recognize that things happen which are completely out of our control and that often all that we can do is simply hope for the best and try not to worry so much about that which we cannot change, but instead live in the moment.  If only our minds could stay as clear and uncomplicated as the mind of a child.

As adults, we often dismiss our children’s insights as naïve and think that they are simply unable to comprehend the significance of the situation.  But instead, I think that we, as adults, often spend too much time worrying about all of the possibilities of what might be, making everything so complicated, and forgetting to notice what is right in front of us.

Our children have a magical way of staying connected to themselves and to the world around them.  We can all learn from them how to once again look at life with eyes untainted by judgment, cynicism and worry, to let go of our need to control what is or what will be and, instead, to live fully in each moment and enjoy the simple things that can be so amazing and so beautiful if we take the time to notice them.

**One of the most beautiful essays I have read about parenting is All My Babies Are Gone Now, by Anna Quindlen.  She writes from the perspective of having already lived through the ups and downs of mothering young children, and her insights looking back at those years are powerful.  She has inspired me to think more about parenting and about what parenthood is really all about.  Please check out her thoughts on parenthood by clicking here.

A must read and one of the best essays on parenting . . .

All My Babies Are Gone Now

by Anna Quindlen

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education,all grown obsolete. Along with “Goodnight Moon” and “Where the Wild Things Are”, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations–what they taught me, was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago pouring over one of Dr. Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China.  Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, “Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame.” The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded,”What did you get wrong?”.  (She insisted I include that.)  The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be.

The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

Your Greatest Legacy

If you want your children to succeed, show them how to fail.

If you want them to be happy,

show them how to be sad.

If you want them to be healthy,

show them how to be sick.

If you want them to have much,

show them how to enjoy little.

Parents who hide failure, deny loss,

and berate themselves for weakness,

have nothing to teach their children.

But parents who reveal themselves,

in all of their humanness,

become heroes.

For children look to these parents

and learn to love themselves.

Parenting need not be a burden,

and one more thing you have to do

and don’t do well enough.

Instead consider your failures,

your sorrows,

your illnesses,

and your difficulties

as your primary teaching opportunities.

- The Parent’s Tao Te Ching

How Full Is Your Glass?

Have you ever noticed how many choices we make everyday?  Most of us are incredibly fortunate to live in a world full of choices.  We choose everything from what to eat for breakfast each morning or what clothes we want to wear each day, to what we want to do when we grow up or who we want to marry. On the flip side, we cannot always choose our circumstances.  Whether we are faced with great tragedy or the more mundane happenstances of our daily lives, we often feel like we are the unfortunate victims of life’s unfairness.

An important lesson that I often remind myself, especially when my children complain that something is just not fair, is the unwavering truth that life is not always fair.  I would love to look into their innocent little eyes and tell them that whatever wrong they have felt will somehow magically be made right.  As we all know, this is simply not true and is a lesson that would not serve them well in coping with life’s ups and downs.  I always feel like the bearer of bad news, the one who must deflate that balloon of childhood optimism, when I tell my children that life is not always fair.  Once they accept this to be true, however, things may get a little easier.

It is so important for us to recognize that when life’s unexpected, less than desirable situations come our way, we have a choice.   We can recognize that we may not be able to control our circumstances, but we can control how we choose to react to them.  Our choice is to either look at those bumps in the road as devastating blows that underscore the unfairness of life OR view them as unique opportunities to choose how we want to see the world.

I am not suggesting that we can avoid the pain (physically or emotionally) that may accompany our bumps in the road (or mountains as the case may be).  What I am suggesting is that we must be very careful not to add to that pain by struggling against what is.  Sylvia Boorstein explains this concept beautifully in her book, It’s Easier Than you Think, in which she explains the Buddhist notion that suffering comes from clinging.  She writes, “ [S]uffering is what happens when we struggle with whatever our life experience is rather than accepting and opening to our experience with a wise and compassionate response.”

How often do we say to ourselves or do we hear someone else say, “that’s just my luck” or “my life is just one disappointment after another” or “no one ever listens to me” or “that’s just not fair” or some other similar complaint?   If we convince ourselves that this is our tragic reality, then it becomes our reality through our own ever-narrowing perspective.  This conditioned response can make us feel powerless.  We begin to identify ourselves as the repeated victim of life’s unfairness, but we don’t have to.  We have a choice.  There is tremendous freedom in realizing that we do not have to react as we have become so accustomed to reacting.  We can take a step back and try a new perspective on for size.  Once we recognize that we may not be able to change the situation, we can choose to accept with grace and wisdom what we cannot change and react in a way that will make our lives easier and more joyful.

One very personal example of an incredibly challenging situation in my life is my mother’s recent illness.   The circumstances are what they are.  Life is not always fair.  So, I am faced with a choice.  I can look at her illness and it’s effect on all of us with regret, anger and resentment OR I can choose to take what is, what I cannot change, and look at the opportunities that I have been given.  I choose to let my troubles be my teachers.  As a result, I have learned so much. I have learned to appreciate the incredible gift of good health, the importance of cherishing each moment that I have with those who are special to me, the value in really listening to others, and the joy in simply being fully present for those I love so dearly.

When some days are filled with great challenges and sadness, I choose to focus on those little moments that I have learned to appreciate so much, in which I have found such joy even in the face of very trying circumstances.  I have never enjoyed having a quiet breakfast with my mother more than over the past few months, something we rarely get to do, even if we share those meals in a hospital room.   I have never felt the importance of holding her hand more, as she so often held mine when I needed it.  I have never fully appreciated the power of being able to breathe fully and deeply more than when I watch someone struggling to do just that.  I have never appreciated the sound of my parents’ voices more than when I make that first phone call each morning to find out how they are and am delighted to hear a cheerful, happy voice on the other end of the line wishing me a good morning.  All is right in the world when I hear happiness, optimism and the start of a good day on the other end of the phone.

Would I trade all of these lessons to make her illness go away?  Absolutely!  But I do not have that choice.  I still feel the pain of the situation – the sadness.  However, I try not to add suffering on to that pain by clinging to what I cannot change.  I also feel the incredible power of love, hope and optimism, the feeling that anything is possible.  I choose this perspective – it is the space in which I want to live and hope to share with those around me.  It is a work in progress and a challenging journey, but that’s what life is all about.

So, think for a moment, as you take a deep breath, and consider how you want to act and react to your life’s circumstances – the big and the small situations that you find yourself in everyday.   Embrace the incredible freedom we all have to choose how we want to see the world.  I choose to see my glass as overflowing.  How full is your glass?

Meditating with Middle School Students-70 new people meditating

On Friday, the 2mindfulmom's had the pleasure of going to our 6th grader's middle school for an event called Real Work/School Work.  We where asked to present to 4 different classes of 6th grade students about our company 2bpresent.  We explained to the kids how we started our company and how the things we learned in middle school where applicable to the work we are now doing.  We then had the pleasure of listening and interacting with them as we discussed meditation, breath work, stress, and tools for handling difficult situations.

The fun really was listening to their insights and leading them on a Guided "mini vacation" meditation to their most favorite place in the world.  The meditation we used was a blend of Real Happiness Concentration (Sharon Salzberg) and also included the work of  Linda Lantieri (http://www.lindalantieri.org/) from her Inner Resilience Program geared towards children.  The kids where guided to visualize being in their most favorite place and feeling what it was like to be there, smelling what it was like to be there and then spending time in stillness in that very special and safe place.

What was amazing for the 2mindfulmom's was how receptive to this entire experience the kids where.  Whether we asked them to share their feelings or locations they went to they where all eager to share and tell us how good it felt to close their eyes and just breath.  Many of the kids took themselves to places in nature disconnected from the modern world and their very fast paced lives.

We stole a few minutes of mini meditations during these sessions for ourselves and absorbed the energy of these fabulous kids.

My daughter provided feedback from the informal lunch room survey that took place over sandwiches and the kids thought the session was really cool.  We encouraged the kids to try taking their parents on a mini vacation.

We hope everyone is having a good week with their sitting practices.

-the 2mindfulmoms

This post was included as part of our 28 Day Meditation Challenge with Sharon Salzberg for Real Happiness

The iWant Generation – Finding Happiness in a Material World

As parents, how many times have we heard: “I want the new iPod . . .I want the new iTouch . . . I want the new Wii . . .I want the new Xbox . . .?”  Our children are told by the all-powerful television and the all-knowing internet, about the games, devices, toys and new shows that they absolutely must buy or watch in order to make their lives complete. First, I must confess that I am a huge fan of technology and all things Apple.  Let me also tell you that no one has a more effective marketing strategy than that elegantly simple, plain white silhouette of a fruit.  Yet, there is something inherently disturbing about their underlying message or at least what most of us take away from their marketing strategy.  Can we survive, can we be our very best, can we be happy and complete without the latest and greatest new version of the iWhatever?

Let’s also be honest here, the proverbial apple doesn’t fall from the tree.  It is not just our children who want more, need more and are looking for what will make them truly happy, fulfilled or complete.  As adults, we are continually looking for the next big thing.  What will make us truly happy?

Ah . . .but this is the crux of the problem (and the brilliance of Apple).  We will never find it (happiness, contentment, fulfillment) where they want us to look.  We will continually need to keep looking, keep buying.  Perhaps the marketing team at Apple studied ancient Eastern philosophy?  The human quest for fulfillment has become something like a dog chasing his own tail, always running after that one thing he wants so badly, only to find that the elusive prize is not quite within his reach.

When we look outside ourselves for happiness, we will only identify what we lack.  When we look at what others have, we evaluate ourselves in their light and identify what we don’t have, rather than what we do have.  Deborah Adele said it beautifully in her description of our quest for Contentment:

When we expect the world to meet our needs, we turn outside of ourselves to find sustenance and completion.  We expect our partners to fulfill us, our jobs to meet our needs and success to solve our problems.  And when it doesn’t, we continue to play the “if only” game, looking for that one more thing.  Or we play the “planning” game or the “regretting” game.  We let our contentment be managed by all of these uncontrollable variables.  As long as we think satisfaction comes from an external source, we can never be content.  Looking outside for contentment will always disappoint us and keep contentment one step out of reach. The Yamas and the Niyamas.

So, don’t look to others to make you happy.  Don’t depend upon material things to meet your needs.  That new car, new house, new clothes, new iPhone, will not be the ultimate source of your happiness or the cure-all for whatever it is that you are lacking.  Don’t get me wrong, it is fun to buy things, but try to remember all that you already have.  Everything you need to be happy and complete you already have inside of you.  You just have to reach deep enough and sit quietly enough to find it.

Maybe instead of the iWant Generation, we can teach this lesson to ourselves and to our children, and become the iHave Generation!