We came across this great video that we thought that you might find interesting. Take a look and let us know what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGpAXWn89uA&feature=player_embedded
Weekly Wisdom #15
" . . .the true secret of happiness lies in the taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life…”-William Morris
Sharon Salzberg Joins 2bpresent for a night on Real Happiness
Join 2bpresent for an evening with
Sharon Salzberg
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
Sharon is one of America’s leading spiritual teachers and authors. She is cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, Massachusetts. She has played a crucial role in bringing Asian meditation practices to the West. The ancient Buddhist practices of vipassana (mindfulness) and metta (lovingkindness) are the foundations of her work.
Happiness that is not shaken by conditions begins with imagining that such stable and open happiness exists, and could exist for us. We also need wisdom in order to know how to make such happiness real. This implies patience, perspective, and an ability to see things as they are. During this evening we will explore our notions of happiness, strength, aloneness and possibility. We'll practice meditation along with dialogue and discourse. Suitable for both beginning and more experienced meditators.
To register for this event click here
For more information about Sharon please visit: www.sharonsalzberg.com
Spring/Summer Foundations of Meditation Class
Ready? . . . 2bpresent?
Join us for
Foundations of Meditation
with Janaki Pierson
Semi-private training in the theory and practice of silent, seated meditation in the yogic tradition. Topics include: benefits of meditation, application to stress management, posture, the relationship between breath and the mind, the power of mantra and the evolution of consciousness.
Perfect for beginning meditators or for those who want to deepen their meditation practice, restart their meditation practice or learn more about silent, seated meditation.
Join us for the entire 6 week workshop, or just try the first session.
$45: Introduction to the Foundations of Meditation
Wednesday, May 30th from 10:30 a.m. - 12:00 pm
Larchmont, New York
$251: Pre-registration for 6 week workshop
May 30, June 6, 13, 27, July 11, and 18 from 10:30 a.m. - 12:00 pm
Larchmont, New York
For more inforation and to register, please contact us at info@2bpresent.com
Space is limited for the 6 week course, so please register today.
Foundations of Meditation - This class starts with an introduction to meditation, followed by an in-depth course on the Foundations of Meditation. The course will help establish the participants in the daily practice of meditation to experience the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual benefits. Discussed in the course, such benefits include anxiety, stress and pain management, normalizing blood pressure, deep, calm peaceful sleep, improved personal satisfaction, contentment and inter-personal relationships, and sharpened decision-making ability. Additional topics included in the course are: meditation posture; the relationship between breath and mind; the power of mantra; the evolution of consciousness; and the mind and attention. Each class is 90 minutes and includes a 20 minute meditation.
Instructor Janaki Pierson has taught silent, sitting, yogic meditation using mantra for over 30 years. She has been established in her own daily practice for 36 years. She teaches throughout New England and Pennsylvania in medical, educational, corporate and community settings. She has taught up to six meditation classes weekly through various departments of Greenwich Hospital over the past 18 years, as well as weekly classes at the Woodbury Yoga Center for 30 years.
Weekly Wisdom #14
"Most obstacles melt away when we make up our minds to walk boldly through them." -Orison Swett Marden
Attitude of Gratitude
Whenever life is getting you down, try looking at things from a different perspective. Here are some examples of how it works. I am thankful for . . .
For the wife who says it’s PB&J tonight for dinner because she is home with me and not out with someone else.
For the husband who is on the sofa being a couch potato because he is home with me and not out at the bars.
For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes because it means she is at home and not on the streets.
For the crying of my little ones because they are still young enough to believe that I can kiss it and make it feel better.
For the taxes I pay because it means I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.
For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and I have been blessed with transportation.
For my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means I am alive.
And finally, for too many e-mails because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.
How to Make that Vacation Last
“Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, had to get away. Vacation, meant to be spent alone.” Well, maybe not alone, in fact with 13 other people, but what a vacation it was! After returning from an amazing vacation a few weeks ago, I can’t seem to get that classic 80’s tune from the Go-Go’s out of my head. (Yes -- I was/am a huge Go-Go’s fan.) In fact, I can’t seem to get my head back from vacation. This was no ordinary vacation. I spent six days living at sea on a sailboat with my family of five. Along for the adventure were two other families, dear friends, sailing across the beautiful blue Caribbean sea in their own boat, meeting us at remote islands each day to hike, kayak, snorkel, swim and play on the beach.
I realize that this was a very unique vacation, a vacation that is probably not for everyone, and one that was totally my cup of tea (or my cup of rum punch as the case may be). Each day I enjoyed watching the sun rise and the sun set. I kayaked each morning over the still, calm water before cooking and eating breakfast with my family. At breakfast, we talked about the beauty of the crystal blue water around us and imagined all the pirates and explorers who had sailed on these seas before us. After breakfast, we sailed on to our next destination, thrust forward only by the power of the wind as it caught our sails.
It all sounds heavenly, but it was not all luxury cruising. During our sailing time, we all pitched in to help hoist the sails, swab the deck, check the lines and clean the galley. We had limited water onboard, so water conservation in toilets, showers and sinks was a challenge and a necessity. No cell phones, no internet, no cable TV. Our time was spent reading, talking, swimming, snorkeling, exploring, and simply enjoying the beauty of our surroundings. We were on our own, no captain and no crew, just us. For me, it was the ultimate exercise in getting away from it all.
Now that I am home and back to a busy life in suburbia, I find myself with the same feeling I have after a wonderful yoga practice and blissful shavasana (for non-yogis, shavasana is done at the end of a yoga class when you lie on your back with your eyes closed, breathing deeply, as you relax the muscles that you just worked and you melt into the ground beneath you). After shavasana, I often ask myself, how can I keep this deep state of calm, quiet and relaxation going off my yoga mat? Since returning from my sailing vacation, I have been asking myself, how can I hold on to that blissful, relaxing feeling of my vacation now that I am home and back to my daily routine?
To figure out the answer to this question, I made a list of what it was about the vacation that helped me to feel so connected, relaxed and rested. I concluded that if I could come up with a list of what made the vacation so fantastic, I would work to incorporate those things into my life at home in an effort to enjoy each day in a more relaxed, less stressful and less exhausting way. Why not make a little part of each day like a mini-vacation? Why wait for those few weeks a year to truly unwind and nurture myself? Short of magically creating the beautiful blue sea, ocean breezes, rum punch on a sandy beach, and a beautiful boat to sail on, here is what I came up with:
(1) Start the day with some time for peace, quiet and contemplation
(2) Get exercise everyday - keep that body moving
(3) Connect with Nature any time you can
(4) Eat healthy, fresh food and get some rest
(5) Spend quality time connecting with family and friends
If I could treat myself to these five things each day, would I feel some of that vacation state of mind back home? I will say that I have tried it and, although it is not quite the Caribbean around here, it has been wonderful to take time each day to indulge in what makes me happy and more peaceful, and to take a mini break in an otherwise hectic day. Most importantly is the idea that instead of pushing through the unpleasant business of each day and simply dreaming of the next opportunity to take a break from it all, I have tried to truly enjoy each day as it comes by incorporating into each day some of what makes me feel happy and peaceful. Here are some observations I have made along the way and suggestions for how to incorporate these five things into your life.
First, it is interesting to me that once our lives get busier and more stressful, the first things that we “have no time for” are the things we need most. The first thing to be cut from our schedules are often the things that I listed above. Ironically, these things are needed most when we are busy and stressed. By incorporating them into our lives, we will feel less stressed and better able to cope. We will also have more energy to tackle our long “to do” lists. If we include in our days the five things listed above, we can maintain at least some of that calm that we had on vacation and we won’t need to begin the count down to our next vacation the moment we return home from our last getaway.
Start the day off with a few minutes of calm.
On vacation, we have physically removed ourselves from the distractions and aggravations of our everyday lives. When we are "away from it all," we are able to focus on truly being present and enjoying every moment of our getaway. We are able to experience fully where we are and how relaxed we feel both physically and mentally. When we return home, we find ourselves back in the thick of it, our minds twirling with what we need to do next, no longer able to enjoy being where we are. With some practice and a little effort, however, we can foster our ability to bring that focused, relaxed feeling into our lives everyday by simply taking the time to recreate that vacation state of mind wherever we are.
Most of us hear our alarms each morning and like a good thoroughbred at the starting gate, the bell sounds and we are off to the races. We dread getting out of bed because what follows is often unpleasant -- yelling at the kids to get up as we rush through our morning routine, hurrying and scurrying to get everyone out the door. Tomorrow, try something different. Set your alarm half an hour earlier and enjoy a few minutes of quiet time before the busyness of the day begins. Stretch your body while taking a few deep breaths, sit for a few minutes just taking some slow deep breaths in quiet meditation while concentrating only on your breathing, enjoy a quiet cup of coffee or tea while taking in the view out the window, or sit outside for a few quiet minutes if the weather is nice. Notice how good that feels, how peaceful, how vacation-like. Those wonderful moments of quiet each morning can set you up for a calmer, less stressful and more enjoyable day ahead. Think of it as a treat for yourself, a little pampering, a chance to center yourself before the busy day begins. Don’t use that time to go through your “to do” lists, watch the news or check your e-mail. Instead, use it as a time to really relax and take in the peaceful quiet and stillness of the morning. You deserve it and the few less minutes of sleep will pay off in a calmer, more peaceful you.
Get your blood pumping and enjoy the outdoors
Too often, we cut out our time to exercise when our day is crammed with meetings, appointments, and a giant “to do” list. Instead, it is when we are the busiest that we need to carve out some time, whether it is a ten minute walk, a yoga class or a quick jog, to get our blood pumping and the oxygen flowing in our body. This will increase your energy level and your productivity, which will help you to get all that work done. Research shows that exercise helps reduce the physical symptoms of stress in the body, which will also help you to feel calmer, better able to focus and be more productive. One great trick that I often use is to find little ways to get more physical movement into my day, especially when I don't have time for a full workout. For example, park your car in a spot far away from the store and take a longer walk to the door (rather than circling a few extra times to find the closest spot). Take the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator. Walk or ride your bike to your destination instead of taking a cab, bus, subway or car.
You can use this same strategy as an opportunity to spend some time outside where you can enjoy the fresh air and the nature around you. Many studies have shown that simply being outside, and enjoying nature can bring great physical and psychological benefits to people. Try not to be preoccupied by your thoughts -- your “to do” list and your schedule. Rather, take a break from the torrent of thoughts and be fully present in your surroundings. You may be amazed at how nice that can be and how refreshed you will feel.
Eat Healthy Foods and Get Some Rest
When we are busy, we too often cut out the simple pleasure of eating slowly, joyfully, and healthfully. We grab what we can on the go, and often that “fast food” is unhealthy food. In addition, we often reward ourselves when we are stressed with food high in fat and sugar. Unfortunately, the pleasure we feel from eating these foods doesn’t last long and we soon are left feeling bloated, tired (the crash of the sugar high) and upset with ourselves for eating what we did. Instead, we need to remember to fuel ourselves with fresh, healthy food that will make us feel good not only for the short time we are eating it, but for the rest of the day. Eating a healthy and nutritious snack will not only give us the energy that we need to get through the day, but it is something that we can do to nourish our souls by treating ourselves to something that is good for us. Think of eating healthfully as a way to pamper yourself, to treat yourself with great care by filling your body with what it needs to do all that important work and to feel good while doing it.
In addition to eating well, we need to be sure to get plenty of rest. When we are on vacation, we often feel like we can sleep for days. We are simply exhausted from our extremely busy schedules at home. At home, many of us fall into that caffeine trap of needing that morning and afternoon pick me up to give us the energy to make it through the day. Often those caffeinated drinks are also loaded with sugar (again a sugar and caffeine high followed by a big crash). Just be aware that your body is telling you that you need to rest, not drink more caffeine. A good night sleep can do wonders for your body, mind and spirit!
Connect with Family and Friends
Finally, we need to make time to connect with our families and friends. We need to make a conscious effort to have quality family time when we are home and to connect with those special people in our lives. This is more important than most, if not all, of the things that we put in the way of that time together. Most of us have heard about the many studies that show that children who have family meals are much less likely to become involved with drugs and alcohol, have better social skills, better grades, and a closer connection to their family. Those alone are enough reason to take time out to have a family meal. But taking the time to connect with your family and friends will have incredibly positive effects on you as well. It makes you feel loved and connected to those closest to you.
After my wonderful sailing adventure, I realized that we don’t have to live for vacation, to count down until the next opportunity we have to treat ourselves well. We don't need a vacation to enjoy some quiet time or to create quality time with our family and friends. We can incorporate a little vacation time into every day and treat ourselves to those simple pleasures that will nourish our minds, our bodies and our spirits.
Join us for Yoga by the Sound
Please join us for an Outdoor Yoga Retreat with one of Westchester’s Best Yoga Instructors, Freddie Wyndham.
Treat your Mind, Body and Spirit!
Friday, June 15, 2012
11:15 am – 2:30 pm
Beach Point Club
Mamaroneck, NY
Investment - $65
80 Minutes of Yoga followed by a relaxing guided meditation and healthy lunch with friends overlooking the Long Island Sound. All levels of experience are welcome!
To register CLICK HERE
Loving Lovingkindness
Lovingkindness meditation (maitri in Sanskrit and metta in Pali) is a very powerful type of meditation in which we focus our attention on ourselves and on others with a sense of interest, caring and compassion. The traditional practice of lovingkindness meditation is done by repeating to yourself: May I Be safe, May I Be happy, May I Be Healthy, May I Live with Ease. You can direct these phrases to yourself, to someone you love, to someone you have difficulty with, to a neutral person or to everyone. In a world in which there is often a feeling of "us" versus "them" or "me" versus "the world," this practice can be transformative. It offers us the ability to open our hearts to ourselves and to feel a greater connection to others. In our daily lives, we are often more accustomed to being critical of ourselves and judgmental of others. We take stock of our days by listing all that we did wrong, what we could have done better, what we didn't get done at all, and how we let ourselves down. We tend to look at others through that same lens. Instead, lovingkindness teaches us to look at all that we did right each day, and to focus on the goodness in others.
One challenging lovingkindness practice is to offer kind thoughts to those in our lives that we find most difficult. The practice helps us to recognize that everyone deserves to be loved and everyone wants to be happy. By opening our hearts even to those that cause us pain, we can create a new perspective from which we view those difficult people. It helps us focus on the good that each person possesses, and focus less on the negative aspects of their behavior. As Sharon Salzberg explains in her book Real Happiness, "Sending lovingkindness to a difficult person is a process of relaxing the heart and freeing yourself from fear and corrosive resentment - a profound, challenging, and liberating process . . ."
This type of meditation also offers us the opportunity to recognize that we are all part of something much larger than ourselves and that we are all inextricably connected to one another. By focusing on the good in others and sending love and caring to the world, we begin to see ourselves in others and to see others in ourselves, no longer the "us" versus "them" mindset. Ultimately, this practice will help us live a more peaceful, loving and compassionate life.
When I first learned lovingkindness meditation, I must admit that I thought the whole idea was a little hokey. Could I really feel such love for myself, for others and for the world? I decided to give it a try. For the past couple of weeks, I have been ending my meditation practice with some lovingkindness meditation. Also, during the day, when I am waiting (which I do a lot of), I decided to do some lovingkindness meditation. In the grocery store line, in the carpool line, in the school pick up line, I have decided that I would much prefer to share some lovingindness than some of the other thoughts that often pervade my brain - - annoyance, impatience, judgment, planning, etc.
At first, the practice may seem a bit awkward, but I must admit that I have found it to be transformative. First, I am much less critical of myself. Next, I have found it to be an incredibly positive and powerful parenting perspective to take note of what each child does well each day, rather than focusing on his or her shortcomings. I have noticed that the way I act and react to others, both familiar faces and total strangers, is with much more kindness and patience. I have had many meaningful moments, usually with people I would have never taken the time to acknowledge in the past because I was in too much of a hurry, that have meant a lot to me. A shared smile with the Starbucks barista, a kind wave to the person who helped me back up in the CVS parking lot, and a short conversation with the parking attendant in a New York city parking garage, all seemed to brighten my day a bit. My hope is that is also brightened theirs.
So try practicing a little lovingkindness. Instead of looking at all that we did wrong each day, let's choose to look at all that we did right. What a rare and beautiful new way to look at ourselves and the world! So, in the spirit of lovingkindness,
May you be safe, May you be happy, May you be healthy and May you live with ease.
More reading on Lovingkindness
Give Yourself a Time Out!
The Time Out is a disciplinary tool used by parents to correct bad behavior. The idea is to send a child to a particular place so that he can think about his bad behavior, or simply feel the consequences of misbehaving by having to sit still, quietly and alone for a few minutes (or what seems like an eternity for a young child). Yet, a new way to look at the Time Out, is to give our children the opportunity to have some quiet time, in a peaceful place, to regroup and calm down, rather than separating or isolating the child as a form of punishment. Linda Lantieri, author of Building Emotional Intelligence, Techniques To Cultivate Inner Strength In Children, encourages parents to create a space where a child can have a “time in,” a peaceful place where the child can take a break from whatever may be upsetting him, where he can foster his own ability to calm down, reduce stress, quiet anger or eliminate frustration. This ability to find that inner peace and quiet when faced with adversity or challenges is an incredibly important skill for our children to develop, and for us to nurture in ourselves as well. As adults, I think we all need to give ourselves a Time Out (or a Time In) at least once a day, not as a form of punishment, but rather as a reward. In a world full of noises and distractions, it is very difficult to find any quiet time during the day. Most of us start our days in a great rush, hurrying the kids off to school and rushing to work. And that is just the beginning. The frantic pace, noises and distractions just keep coming -- we have iPods playing, radios buzzing, kids screaming, co-workers gabbing, phones ringing, text messages beeping, e-mails blinking, and televisions blaring. It is no wonder that with all of this external stimulation our minds are racing and unfocused. We are so busy trying to digest and decipher all of this noise that we often end up irritable, distracted and stressed out.
I remember when my children were little, my house was a cacophony of little voices needing something, Elmo’s World playing on the television, and at least one child crying. During those days, the peace and quiet of my tiny clothes closet seemed appealing to me as a secret getaway from the noise. I would think, “Would anyone even notice if I went inside for a few minutes and shut the door?” The idea of five minutes of peace and quiet sounded quite nice to me, even if it was in my closet. Back then, even the stillness of my bathroom was a pleasant break, until the pitter patter of little feet entering the bathroom and at least one child demanding my attention, with complete disregard for my need for a minimal amount of privacy, would inevitably turn what is usually considered a very personal space into a public forum for all to enter. (Oh the joys of motherhood!)
The challenge then, as it is now, is to find that peaceful and quiet space for even a short time each day to gather our thoughts, center ourselves and feel a sense of calm and OK-ness that we all need. Taking a personal Time Out could mean a quiet walk outdoors, with no cell phone calls or music playing, and simply noticing how still and quiet the trees are. Connecting to nature offers us an amazing sense of stillness and calm. It could also mean turning the radio OFF in the car for a few minutes and simply enjoying the calm of a quiet car ride, rather than driving with the music playing or the distraction of disturbing news stories stealing our attention. Your Time Out could also be closing your office door for five minutes, and simply shutting your eyes and breathing. Try it and you will see that this simple act of giving yourself a Time Out can break the chain of noise and distraction that seems to build up throughout the day. It is also very helpful to take a Time Out in the heat of the moment before hitting send on an angry e-mail or before responding unkindly to someone in a manner you might later regret. In those instances, a little Time Out can be incredibly useful to pause before acting, to collect your thoughts and to settle your emotions. It is in the quiet and stillness of our Time Out that we can have the opportunity to regroup and reset ourselves, and quiet our minds so that we can continue on with clarity and a sense of calm. So, tomorrow, Time Outs for everyone!
Weekly Wisdom #13
"Be kind to unkind people - they need it the most." - Ashleigh Brilliant
Weekly Wisdom #12
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Our Greatest Teachers
I had always imagined that I would one day be a wise old lady, imparting profound words of wisdom about life and teaching my children how to navigate through it. After twelve years of motherhood, I now realize that I have learned more from my children than I ever could have imagined. They have become my greatest teachers.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I did whatever I could to learn about the big job ahead of me – motherhood. I took Lamaze classes and bought all of the latest books on pregnancy, sleep training, parenting philosophies and childhood illnesses. After many months of preparation, I went to what would be my last OBGYN appointment only to learn that the baby had flipped himself to a breach position and that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. I would need a c-section the next day. At that moment, all of my planning and preparation for the way I wanted this birth to happen was down the tubes – no Lamaze breathing, no natural childbirth, no week to finish work and prepare for his arrival.
Similarly, after he arrived, all of my plans to mold and shape this little bundle of joy into a well-scheduled, sleep-through-the-night baby were also quickly forgotten. No feeding schedules, no regular nighttime routines, no sleeping through the night were in our future. Up to this point in my life, I worked hard in school and got good grades, worked hard in my job and got good performance reviews, and worked hard to keep my life well-planned, setting goals for myself and achieving them. But this new role, motherhood, was going to be different. The first lesson that I learned from my son was that despite my best efforts and best-laid plans, I was not in control.
The next lesson came quickly as well. Much to my surprise, I learned that my role as a mom was not to shape and mold my children into the people I wanted them to be. Instead, I would have a much different, more passive role in their development. I have learned that my job is to love and nurture them, keep them safe from harm and simply watch them grow. Parenting is like planting a garden. We can water our plants to help them grow, add fertilizer to make them strong, and put them in the sunlight to help them thrive, all while trying to protect them from the dangers of hungry birds, animals and insects, but we cannot determine what type of plant will grow. That is up to the seed itself.
Then came the most intriguing lesson of all. My children are chock-full of great insight and wisdom. All I have to do is be sure to listen. When my son was four years old, he would cry and cling to my legs each morning at drop off, pleading not to leave him. This routine broke my heart every day, until one day he looked into my eyes while I was giving him one last tight hug good-bye before the tears would begin to flow, and he said, “I’m OK mommy. Just go.” It was then that I realized through his simple, but incredibly insightful words that it was me who was having a difficult time letting him go and that he would be OK without me.
These words of wisdom from our children are everywhere if we just pay attention to them. One rainy morning, on our way to school, I remarked to my children, “What a yukky day!” My littlest child quickly replied, “It’s not yukky, it’s just raining.” I have never looked at a rainy day quite the same since then.
More recently, my seven year old asked me if her Nana would be OK after she was diagnosed with cancer. I replied, “I certainly hope so.” My son then piped in, “You know that you can get very sick from even a common cold.” To which my youngest child thought for a moment and then said, “Oh . . . (pause) . . . what’s for lunch?” This may sound like a silly conversation, but I found it to be quite profound. As I listened to this exchange, I thought to myself, what a great way to look at life – to recognize that things happen which are completely out of our control and that often all that we can do is simply hope for the best and try not to worry so much about that which we cannot change, but instead live in the moment. If only our minds could stay as clear and uncomplicated as the mind of a child.
As adults, we often dismiss our children’s insights as naïve and think that they are simply unable to comprehend the significance of the situation. But instead, I think that we, as adults, often spend too much time worrying about all of the possibilities of what might be, making everything so complicated, and forgetting to notice what is right in front of us.
Our children have a magical way of staying connected to themselves and to the world around them. We can all learn from them how to once again look at life with eyes untainted by judgment, cynicism and worry, to let go of our need to control what is or what will be and, instead, to live fully in each moment and enjoy the simple things that can be so amazing and so beautiful if we take the time to notice them.
**One of the most beautiful essays I have read about parenting is All My Babies Are Gone Now, by Anna Quindlen. She writes from the perspective of having already lived through the ups and downs of mothering young children, and her insights looking back at those years are powerful. She has inspired me to think more about parenting and about what parenthood is really all about. Please check out her thoughts on parenthood by clicking here.
Mind Full or Mindful?
We love this. It's a great reminder to be more "mindful" and less "mind full". We hope you like it.
A must read and one of the best essays on parenting . . .
All My Babies Are Gone Now
by Anna Quindlen
All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.
Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education,all grown obsolete. Along with “Goodnight Moon” and “Where the Wild Things Are”, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations–what they taught me, was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all.
Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.
When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago pouring over one of Dr. Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.
Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, “Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame.” The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded,”What did you get wrong?”. (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?
But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be.
The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.
Important Lessons on Living Life with No Regrets
One of my favorite writers was Erma Bombeck. She always had an amazing sense of humor about life. Upon learning that she had cancer, she wrote a list of things that she regretted doing or not doing in her life. I like to keep this list in my kitchen as a reminder to live each day to the fullest and to not sweat the small stuff! If you haven't read this, enjoy! If you have, it is always worth reading again.
If I Had My Life To Live Over
by Erma Bombeck
If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.
© Erma Bombeck
Weekly Wisdom #11
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss
Lessons From My Cushion
As we come to the close of Sharon Salzberg's Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge, we have been thinking about all of the lessons that we have learned from Real Happiness, and there are many. Here are a few of the things we learned . . . (1) Meditation, like life, is challenging. Some days are easier than others, some days are very difficult. There are moments of bliss and pure joy, and there are moments of pain and sadness. Each day is full of new challenges. You can always begin again. And, in the end, it is all worth it.
(2) We are all in this together with the common goal of finding our own happiness. It is wonderful to look around at people during the day, people we know intimately, acquaintances and total strangers, and recognize that we all experience the ups and downs of life, each one of us incredibly special and unique, yet each part of a much larger, intricately connected whole.
(3) Compassion and kindness are the keys to happiness. Anger, resentment, hostility, and judgment will not lead us down the path to happiness. It is through compassion and lovingkindness that we can find our own true happiness and beauty in the world around us.
(4) The magic is in each breath we take, each individual moment we have. The goal is to find the time and discipline to be present in each moment and to cherish those moments as they come.
It has been a pleasure learning from all of those who participated in this 28 day meditation challenge. While the meditation challenge is over, we will continue to learn through our daily meditation practices. Thank you Sharon for guiding us so beautifully through this experience. We wish you all real happiness today and everyday!
Weekly Wisdom #10
Life is too short to wake up each morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. -Unknown
Your Greatest Legacy
If you want your children to succeed, show them how to fail.
If you want them to be happy,
show them how to be sad.
If you want them to be healthy,
show them how to be sick.
If you want them to have much,
show them how to enjoy little.
Parents who hide failure, deny loss,
and berate themselves for weakness,
have nothing to teach their children.
But parents who reveal themselves,
in all of their humanness,
become heroes.
For children look to these parents
and learn to love themselves.
Parenting need not be a burden,
and one more thing you have to do
and don’t do well enough.
Instead consider your failures,
your sorrows,
your illnesses,
and your difficulties
as your primary teaching opportunities.
- The Parent’s Tao Te Ching
